Fone Bone
Matt Zimmer
Reviewing the Buffyverse and thought we could use a general talkback.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992)
It's 2021 as of the writing of this review. Can you believe this is the first time I've ever seen this?
First off, it's absolutely awful. There is no use kidding about that. We'll get back to that soon enough.
As Joss Whedon's horrible treatment of the cast members of the Buffy The Vampire Slayer TV series became public knowledge, I thought it would be instructive to rewatch The Buffyverse and see what impressions I would now see knowing that the creator was a bully and a harasser. And I could definitely have a field day with this movie regarding some of the skeevier elements. The problem is I get the sense the script was reworked so much that it doesn't feel like Whedon at all.
I'm not saying Whedon has never written corny scripts. The first and seconds seasons of Buffy the TV show say he has and on numerous occasions. I'm saying this script did corny things that Whedon would have immediately jumped on and pointed out for meta comedy.
One of the most unpleasant elements of the film is that teenage girls seem to be a bit objectified here. And again, Whedon's done that on the TV show too. But when Buffy is in the gym in a sports bra and Merrick comes in in a trenchcoat and cryptically insists she comes with him to the graveyard, Whedon would have played up the pedophile angle instantly. It's the first place the audience's mind goes, so Whedon would let us know we weren't crazy for thinking that. After a few beats, Buffy sort of cottons on to the idea that he could be a dangerous killer, but there is something wrong with the intelligence of the script if that isn't her first reaction. Since it isn't, I can pretty safely say Whedon did NOT write that scene. Or if he did, it was written differently.
A lot of the elements are different from the TV show including vampires not being dusted when they die. This would have been a pain in the neck on the TV series with the cast having to clean up bodies and cover up murders at the end of every episode. There also is reincarnation involved with the Slayers and the Watchers, and their roles are more limited because of that. And the less said about PMS being used as a vampire detector the better. That specific bit I'm betting DID come from Whedon (it's totally in character), but was probably dropped from the TV series because it's stupid.
It's amazing the movie is played entirely as a comedy, and I didn't laugh once. I hear all the time about Paul Reubens "hilarious" extended death, but not only did I not laugh, it's much briefer than it's reputation suggests it should be. If Pee-Wee Herman had the longest film kiss in screen history (legitimately) than Paul Reubens' extended vampire death SHOULD actually take awhile.
Here is my suggestion: If you want to see the movie, watch the trailer instead. There are a couple of nice things in the movie that are all spoiled in the trailer. When Pike tells Buffy she's not like other girls and she puts her head on his shoulder and says "Yes, I am," that's wonderful and iconic. And you don't have to waste an hour and 25 minutes to see it, because it's in the trailer. As is Buffy catching the knife thrown at her head with her hands, and saying she didn't even break a nail after she hit the guy.
Here is something that will amaze you. Buffy the TV show was very influential in the fluidity of fictional language, and the way characters spoke using pop-culture names and terms for shorthand. The movie did it first. What's amazing to me, and something I don't think the movie gets credit for is that one of its quips actually became a real saying, while Buffy The Series' insular dialogue remains singularly Buffy: The Series'. When the girl describes the jacket as "SO five minute ago", that actually became a real pop-culture saying in a way nothing from the TV series ever did. It's funny and a bit annoying too. I mean, Jane Pauley would probably not like to best be remembered for coining the term "Bad hair day". But that's essentially what she WILL be remembered for. And yeah, the most the Buffyverse ever caught fire into the fabric of the pop-culture landscape was a throwaway joke from the terrible movie. Life is so unfair.
Buffy's personality is like Cordelia here, as the TV series suggested it was in "Becoming: Part 1". I don't object to her being a spoiled, bratty, bully. What I object to is that movie Buffy is clearly stupid. Part of the joke is that it's the bimbo killing the monster in the horror film, but even if Joss Whedon's feminist cred is suspect, he knew enough to make Buffy Summers actually admirable and cunning on the TV show. It's very weird the movie has Buffy being so dumb.
The less said about Buffy's mother in the film, the better. She is an unrecognizable cartoon caricature of the worst and most absent parent ever. Her clueless behavior is beyond appalling, and completely outside of the sympathy and empathy Kristine Sutherland brought to Joyce on the TV series.
I kind of feel like it's useless to try and deconstruct this movie to get into Whedon's headspace and the way he treats women and minorities. Because very little of the film actually feels like Whedon. Every inch of it feels like he must have been pushed aside. I don't think much of Whedon as a person, but he's not THIS bad of a writer. I can see why the movie, of which he has sole writing credit, is a major sore spot with him. 1/2.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992)
It's 2021 as of the writing of this review. Can you believe this is the first time I've ever seen this?
First off, it's absolutely awful. There is no use kidding about that. We'll get back to that soon enough.
As Joss Whedon's horrible treatment of the cast members of the Buffy The Vampire Slayer TV series became public knowledge, I thought it would be instructive to rewatch The Buffyverse and see what impressions I would now see knowing that the creator was a bully and a harasser. And I could definitely have a field day with this movie regarding some of the skeevier elements. The problem is I get the sense the script was reworked so much that it doesn't feel like Whedon at all.
I'm not saying Whedon has never written corny scripts. The first and seconds seasons of Buffy the TV show say he has and on numerous occasions. I'm saying this script did corny things that Whedon would have immediately jumped on and pointed out for meta comedy.
One of the most unpleasant elements of the film is that teenage girls seem to be a bit objectified here. And again, Whedon's done that on the TV show too. But when Buffy is in the gym in a sports bra and Merrick comes in in a trenchcoat and cryptically insists she comes with him to the graveyard, Whedon would have played up the pedophile angle instantly. It's the first place the audience's mind goes, so Whedon would let us know we weren't crazy for thinking that. After a few beats, Buffy sort of cottons on to the idea that he could be a dangerous killer, but there is something wrong with the intelligence of the script if that isn't her first reaction. Since it isn't, I can pretty safely say Whedon did NOT write that scene. Or if he did, it was written differently.
A lot of the elements are different from the TV show including vampires not being dusted when they die. This would have been a pain in the neck on the TV series with the cast having to clean up bodies and cover up murders at the end of every episode. There also is reincarnation involved with the Slayers and the Watchers, and their roles are more limited because of that. And the less said about PMS being used as a vampire detector the better. That specific bit I'm betting DID come from Whedon (it's totally in character), but was probably dropped from the TV series because it's stupid.
It's amazing the movie is played entirely as a comedy, and I didn't laugh once. I hear all the time about Paul Reubens "hilarious" extended death, but not only did I not laugh, it's much briefer than it's reputation suggests it should be. If Pee-Wee Herman had the longest film kiss in screen history (legitimately) than Paul Reubens' extended vampire death SHOULD actually take awhile.
Here is my suggestion: If you want to see the movie, watch the trailer instead. There are a couple of nice things in the movie that are all spoiled in the trailer. When Pike tells Buffy she's not like other girls and she puts her head on his shoulder and says "Yes, I am," that's wonderful and iconic. And you don't have to waste an hour and 25 minutes to see it, because it's in the trailer. As is Buffy catching the knife thrown at her head with her hands, and saying she didn't even break a nail after she hit the guy.
Here is something that will amaze you. Buffy the TV show was very influential in the fluidity of fictional language, and the way characters spoke using pop-culture names and terms for shorthand. The movie did it first. What's amazing to me, and something I don't think the movie gets credit for is that one of its quips actually became a real saying, while Buffy The Series' insular dialogue remains singularly Buffy: The Series'. When the girl describes the jacket as "SO five minute ago", that actually became a real pop-culture saying in a way nothing from the TV series ever did. It's funny and a bit annoying too. I mean, Jane Pauley would probably not like to best be remembered for coining the term "Bad hair day". But that's essentially what she WILL be remembered for. And yeah, the most the Buffyverse ever caught fire into the fabric of the pop-culture landscape was a throwaway joke from the terrible movie. Life is so unfair.
Buffy's personality is like Cordelia here, as the TV series suggested it was in "Becoming: Part 1". I don't object to her being a spoiled, bratty, bully. What I object to is that movie Buffy is clearly stupid. Part of the joke is that it's the bimbo killing the monster in the horror film, but even if Joss Whedon's feminist cred is suspect, he knew enough to make Buffy Summers actually admirable and cunning on the TV show. It's very weird the movie has Buffy being so dumb.
The less said about Buffy's mother in the film, the better. She is an unrecognizable cartoon caricature of the worst and most absent parent ever. Her clueless behavior is beyond appalling, and completely outside of the sympathy and empathy Kristine Sutherland brought to Joyce on the TV series.
I kind of feel like it's useless to try and deconstruct this movie to get into Whedon's headspace and the way he treats women and minorities. Because very little of the film actually feels like Whedon. Every inch of it feels like he must have been pushed aside. I don't think much of Whedon as a person, but he's not THIS bad of a writer. I can see why the movie, of which he has sole writing credit, is a major sore spot with him. 1/2.
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