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Bunny Bedlam
by Kevin Mickel


 "Hiya, Toonsters," said Buster as he popped up out of the tree stump that led down into his home.  "I'm Buster Bunny!"
 Nothing happened.
 Buster looked around in confusion.  "Where's Babs?" he wondered to himself.  "Hey, Babs!" he called out.  Still, there was no response.  Confused beyond measure, Buster reached down into his hole and pulled out the script to read it over.

EXT: Buster's rabbit hole.  Buster pops up out of it and smiles.

  Hiya, Toonsters.  I'm Buster Bunny!

At that moment, Babs hops into the scene and moves to stand beside Buster

  And I'm Babs Bunny!

  No relation yet!


 Buster continued to look over the script.  After a few seconds, and unable to think of anything else, he turned his gaze upward.  "Hey!" he shouted up to the animator.  "Where's my gorgeous bunny co-host?"
 In response to this query, a paintbrush came down and promptly added Binky Bunny to the scene.  "Uhm, hi," she said.
"Am I supposed to, uh, tell a joke or something now, uh...  What was your name again?"
 A look of irritation formed on Buster's face.  "Not her, you dunderhead!" he shouted.  "Come on, fix it!"
 In response, the paintbrush returned and swished over Binky, transforming her into Ramona Rabbit.  "Hi, Buster," she said seductively.  "Have you missed me?"
 "Yeeaaagggghhhh!!!" screamed Buster in fear.  Reaching behind himself, he produced a giant eraser and quickly rubbed Ramona out before she could work any of her charms on him.
 Turning back to the animator then, he said, "Okay, I'll make this simple.  Where is Babs?"
 A large pencil appeared and scribbled the word, "Who?" on Buster's mailbox.
 Buster sighed.  "You know," he explained, "Babs.  Pink fur, yellow sweater, purple skirt and ear ribbons.  Her real name's Barbara Anne..."
 A huge anvil fell down on Buster then, squashing him flat. Pulling himself out from under it, he noticed a yellow sticky note pasted to the anvil that had the words, "Don't call her that," written upon it.
 Buster stared at the note for a second, but before he could say or do anything about it, the eraser head of a pencil came down and obliterated everything, leaving Buster standing in front of a start white background.
 A look of recognition formed on Buster's face.  "Oh, I get it," he said with annoyance.  "First Plucky, now me.  Well, forget it, whoever you are.  I'm not gonna..."  A torrent of water sloshed down onto Buster, cutting off his protests and soaking him to the gills.
 Thoroughly drenched, Buster reached out and pulled an old fashioned washing machine into the picture.  He ran himself through the wringer to dry himself off, and then he stuck his flattened thumb into his mouth and started to blow on it as hard as he could.  After a couple of seconds, he regained his normal shape with a loud, "Pop!"
 Looking more than a little angry, Buster said, "Look, buddy, I..."
 Buster stopped speaking when he suddenly realized that he was speaking with the voice of Roddy Rat.  "Now wait just a minute," he called.  "I'm a rabbit, and I need a rabbit's voice."
 Buster nodded with satisfaction as he heard the sound of a phonograph needle being dragged across a record.  Taking a deep breath he said, "Good, maybe now..." he stopped again when he realized that he was speaking with the voice of Bug's Bunny.
 "This is not an improvement!" he yelled, only now it was with the voice of the Trix Rabbit.
 "Hey, what gives?" he demanded, sounding like Babs.
 "Well, that's a bit closer," only now he sounded like Br'er Rabbit.
 "You're off again," he said, sounding like Bunnie Rabbot.
 "WAY off!" in a voice indistinguishable from Thumper's.
 "Not even close!" sounding like Ricochet Rabbit.
 "Oh, come on, get it right.  P-p-p-please?" he said in the voice of Roger Rabbit.
 "This is startin' ta get irritaitin'," sounding like Bugs.
 "Well that's a lot better," he admitted in his own original voice.
 "And that's, er, this is perfect," he finished in his current one.
 He paused for just a moment then before asking, "Are you done?"  There was no change.
 "Good," he said with relief.  "Now, listen up.  All I want to do is make a cartoon.  Is that too much to ask?"
 In response to the question, the eraser came down again and rubbed out Buster.  Then, in a flurry of motion, the paintbrush came down and painted a complete animation studio.  Buster was seated at an animator's desk with a pencil in his hand.  On the desk was a large book entitled, "How to Make Your Own Cartoons."
 Putting down the pencil, Buster got up and turned an exasperated expression towards the animator.  "No, no, no.  I don't want to draw a cartoon, I want to star in one.  Don't you get it?  I'm a star!"
 The paintbrush came down again and transformed the studio background into a representation of the Solar System, with Buster in the middle where the sun should be, and he seemed to be glowing.
 Buster looked around with annoyance in his eyes.  With a sigh, he reached up to pull down a new background, which turned out to be stark whiteness again.
 "O great," he muttered.  "Back to square one.  Look," he said to the animator again, "this isn't working.  Why don't we just
iris out and call it quits, okay?"
 When nothing happened, Buster grew thoughtful and murmured, "Okay, what would Bugs do in this situation?"
 Suddenly, a lightbulb appeared over Buster's head.  "That's it!" he exclaimed as he snapped his fingers.
 "So long, screwy," he said as he reached up and pulled down a curtain with the words, "THE END" stenciled upon it, which promptly fell down on top of him in a tangled heap.
 Buster slowly worked his way out from under that curtain. "So much for that bright idea," he muttered as he stood and dusted himself off.
 Noticing then a small piece of paper at his feet, he picked it up and read, "You're learning.  Not bad.  Unfortunately, I can't let it end that way."
 Buster looked at the note in confusion for a few seconds before looking angrily up at the animator and shouting, "Who are you?!?"
 In response to Buster's question, a small slip of paper fluttered down to him.  Written upon it were the words, "When you figure it out, I'll let you go."
 "Huh?" asked Buster as he looked up at the animator with confusion in his eyes.
 Sitting at the animator's desk, Bugs Bunny looked down at his young protege and said, "Don't worry, Son.  You'll figure it out."


This story is dedicated to Jon Cooke (cooke@megalink.net), who in his comments in the TTA Fan-Fiction Reference Guide about the story Pluck Amuck wanted to know when I was going to do a story based upon Rabbit Rampage.

Thanks to the following people who previewed this and gave me advice on how to end it:
Jon Cooke (cooke@megalink.net)
Morgan Ingersoll (CamCoon@AOL.com)
Colin Feder (TacoShell1@prodigy.com)
Rebecca Littlehales (Esbeckras@AOL.com)

Anyone who wishes to refer to this story may do so, but they must use it in the context of the above ending, not any of the alternate, rejected one that are listed here for your reading pleasure."
   Alternate Ending #1
 In response to the question, the paintbrush came down and quickly painted a cage around Buster.  A look of horror formed on his face as he realized what was happening.  "Oh no!" he cried, "Not you!"
 Sitting at the animator's desk, Elmyra looked down at the contents of the cage with glee.  "Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee," she giggled.
"Well Mr. Hippity-hop, now you're all mine!"

   Alternate Ending #2
 In response to the question, a giant anvil fell down upon him, leaving only the tip of his ears poking out from beneath it.
 Sitting at the animator's desk, Plucky Duck starred sadistically at his handiwork.  "Revenge!" he muttered softly.

   Alternate Ending #3
 In response to the question, a huge flood of water flowed down upon him, leaving him thoroughly soaked and completely senseless as he fell over with a soft, "Sploosh!"
 Sitting at the animator's desk, Babs Bunny looked down at Buster and giggled softly.  "I just can't help myself," she said as she

Greatest Cartoon Director of All Time:  Chuck Jones

If Buster and Babs ever get married and have kids, would their children have lavender fur?

No anvils were cracked in the writing of this story.

It's over, go home.--Ferris Beuller.

Ohss-dee-ah-dee-ay.  That's Pig Latin for Adios.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.

"And that's a wrap!"


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