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"The Daffy Dog"
Written by Pietro

[We open on a very snowy day, a flock of ducks flying south while Daffy Duck laughs]

Daffy: Suckers! Well, I ain't flyin' south this winter! Why fly south when you can stay around and check up on this winter business!

[Daffy pulls out a paper advertising "Cozy Ski Lodge" with a picture of a beautiful woman on skates. Daffy makes a Wolf whistle.]

Daffy: Now all I need a small shelter to spend the winter evenin's.

[Daffy spots Porky's house]

Daffy: Humm....now there's a pigeon. I'll give him my "help I'm freezing my tail feathers off" routine.

[Daffy walks up to the house and knocks on the door with "shave and a haircut two bits"]

Porky: C-c-c-coming!

[Porky opens the door and sees Daffy shivering]

Daffy: Help! (Cough, Cough) I'm freezin' my tail feathers off!

Porky: Why you p-p-poor half-frozen d-d-d-d-d-d-malard. I'll take you in where it's nice and warm.

[Porky's dog, Mandrake (aka Barnyard Dawg from the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons) is sleeping peacefully on the rug when Porky pulls it out from under him and "tucks" Daffy in with it]

Porky: Now wait here while I get you a nice warm glass of milk and some nice warm s-s-s-s-s-s-broth.

[Porky leaves. Angry and feeling replaced, Mandrake thinks up hate clouds of ways to kill Daffy by knife, ax, gun, mallet, anvil, bomb, and TNT]

Mandrake (to the audience): Humph. One of those wise quacking ducks! I'll show him a trick or two.

[Mandrake cuts out the beautiful woman and pastes it on the window. Then, he looks at it the door and starts making howling noises and wolf whistles]

Mandrake: What a dame!

[Daffy gets up]

Daffy: Hiya Joe, what do ya know?

Mandrake: Check out, dat doll!

[Daffy looks at the window and starts wolf whistling]

Daffy: Hoooowwwwwwwwllld is she?

Mandrake: She told me she has a big surprise out there if ya know what I mean?

[Mandrake elbows Daffy in the stomach]

Daffy: Woo Hoo Hoo Hoo! What a gal!

[Mandrake opens the door]

Mandrake: There she is now, kid! Now her on her feet!

[Daffy runs to the door]

Daffy: Humm....I don't see that beautiful dame no place!

[Mandrake kicks Daffy out in the snow]

Mandrake: And stay out! Ya doity duck!

Daffy: Humph. Looks like one of the jokers from "The Dog Star." I'll fix his little red wagon once and for all! Help! (Cough, Cough)

[We cut to Mandrake all cozy inside by the fireplace roasting marshmellows]

Daffy (from outside): I'm dyin'! I'm catching pneumonia! Open the door, Richard!

Mandrake: (Gulp)

[Mandrake's evil side pops up]

Mandrake's Evil Side: Dat a boy, Mandrake! Let him freeze! It's your home, why should other people be stayin' in it? Mwa ha ha ha!

[Mandrake's good side pops up]

Mandrake's Good Side: I beg of you not to leave that poor, defenseless duck out there in the cold. Remember the time he helped you.

[Mandrake shrugs]

Mandrake's Good Side: Well, you should still let him in. He has no home, no food, and no money. He'll die!

Mandrake's Evil Side: Don't listen to dat sissy! Let him die! Mwa ha ha ha!

Mandrake's Good Side: Aww, shad up!

[Mandrake's Good Side punches Mandrake's Bad Side hard, right through the window. They fade away]

Mandrake: Well, I guess I could let him in ta warm himself.

[Mandrake runs outside and sees a Daffy snow man and starts bringing him in, when he sees Daffy inside]

Daffy: Ah yes! Cold, isn't it?

[Mandrake immagines himself as a "Sucker." Later we see Daffy inside humming "Ya Musta Been a Beautiful Baby." All of a sudden he hears Mandrake howling outside and starts tossing and turn. Then, he gets up]

Daffy: Well, ya wouldn't think for a minute I'd let him freeze!

[Daffy walks outside and finds that Mandrake is inside]

Mandrake: How are things in Alaska, duck!

[Daffy runs towards the lower half of the door. Mandrake shuts the lower half of the door in Daffy's face, causing him to vibrate. Daffy says a bunch of stuff real fast then suddenly stops vibrating]

Daffy: Sold! To the stupid dog with blood-shot eyes!

[Daffy wacks Mandrake on the head with a mallet]

Daffy: Woo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo!

[Daffy runs off into the living room and hides in picture hanging on the wall of the "petrified forest" and acts as a hole in the tree. Mandrake grabs and gives a swing at the tree but then he vibrates because the tree is petrified. They start fighting forming a cloud of dust]

Porky: Hey w-w-what's goin' on in there?

[Porky walks downstairs and grabs both of them by the neck]

Porky: N-n-n-n-now out with b-b-b-both of ya!

Daffy: Okay dokay!

[We go outside and see Porky and Mandrake being thrown out]

Daffy: And that is that!

[The phone rings. Daffy answers it]

Daffy: Hello?

Man: Yes. This is the land-lord, you're three months past payment! You owe a five thousand dollar debt fee.

[Daffy makes a shocked look. Then, he kicks himself outside with Porky and Mandrake]

Daffy: This shouldn't happen to duck!

Iris Out.


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