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"The Bugs Bunny Show - Episode: FF01: Chumpion Hoppers"
written by Jack Tatay, Thad Komorowski, and Pietro

(Opens on the WB logo where Bugs pops out of)

Bugs: Dis folks is a Warner Brothers television production.

Announcer: THE BUGS BUNNY SHOW! Brought to you by......TANG!

Bugs: Since people love our new improved-flavored Tang, I did interviews with various people and told me how much they liked it! Okay Smokey! Roll the clips!

(In Clips): Elmer Fudd: I don't wike it!

(In Clips): Kitten from "Kitty Kornered": I like cheese!

(And then a clip appears of foreign people yelling, possibly from the Middle East.)

Bugs: Hey, wait a second....DAFFY!

Daffy: Mmmm, yeas?

Bugs: Daffy, did you use those clips I told you to put in the film?

Daffy: Oh, THOSE clips!

Bugs: What happened to 'em?

Daffy: Oh...uh...I ate 'em! Can I wash 'em down with a glass of Tang, Bugsy ol' buddy?

Bugs: Well, okay, here ya go!

Daffy: Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

(Bugs hands Daffy a glass of tabasco sauce, Daffy drinks it and flies into the sky like a rocket.)


(Smoke in the sky spells out "Drink Tang, gang, it's Tang-a-riffic!" Curtain opens and Bugs and Daffy march out on stage)

Bugs and Daffy (Singing): Overture, curtain, lights! This is it. The night of nights. No more rehearsing or nursing a part. We know every part by heart! (cane flip) Overture, curtain, lights! This is it. We'll hit the heights! And oh, what heights we'll hit! On with the show, this is it!

(Tweety, Speedy Gonzales, Hippety Hopper, Yosemite Sam, Sylvester, Elmer Fudd, Pepe 'Le Pew, The Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote, and Foghorn Leghorn march across the stage)

Bugs and Daffy (Singing): Tonight what heights we'll hit! On with the show, this is it!

Announcer: Featuring that Oscar-winning rabbit, Bugs Bunny!

Bugs: Eh, tonight we have a special guest host. All da way from Australia, here's Claude Hopper, woild's champeen hopper!

Claude Hopper: Garsh, I'm so excited, I ain't never been a host before!

(We go back stage where we see two rabbits, Andy and Sandy)

Andy: Sandy, git a load of the world's champion, Sandy!

(They both laugh hysterically)

Andy: Shall we take him down a peg or two, eh?

Sandy: Aye!

Claude: Tonight's first cartoon is......."Hop and Go!"

Bugs: Roll it Smokey!

("Hop and Go" comes on. Later, the cartoon finishes)

Claude: That was an awful cartoon! I was beaten by a pair of RABBITS!

Daffy: I know how ya feel, brother!

Claude: Garsh! Why, I could out-hop 'em any day!

Andy: I'd like to see ya try.

Claude: Okay!

Sandy: Aye!

(Claude hops as high as he can and hits one of the stage lights, electricuting him.)


(Then, Claude comes falling down and crashes into the stage making a perfect cut-out of himself, falling through floor, after floor after floor)

Claude (falling): Ow! Eee! Oh! Ouch! Oo. Oof! Ack!

(We hear a women scream)

Claude: Oh, pardon me. Ow! Eee! Oh! Ouch!

Andy: And now a word from our sponsor!

Sandy: Aye!

(We go to a commerical where Porky Pig is a pilgrim, hunting turkeys)

Porky (Singing): S-s-start your day a l-l-l-litte b-b-b-bit better!

(Daffy appears hopping on the lake, nearby)

Daffy: Woo hoo woo hoo woo hoo woo hoo woo hoo woo hoo!

(Daffy goes over by Porky)

Daffy: Hey there fat stuff, whatcha got there?

Porky: Post Alpha B-b-b-bits!

Daffy: That A-B-C-Delicious treat from Post?

Porky: Y-y-y-yup, and you can't have any! I also have P-p-p-post Treat Pack t-t-t-also! B-b-b-but, you're not gettin' any of that either!

Daffy: I'll tell ya where to get a nice fat turkey if you give me some.

Porky: You w-w-w-will?

Daffy: Sure!

Porky: W-w-where is he?

Daffy: First, the cereal, fat boy!

Porky: Here, T-T-T-TAKE ALL OF IT!

Daffy: Okay, he's right behind that bush over there!

Porky: Oh b-b-boy! I'll have T-t-t-thanksgiving d-d-d-d-supper early this year.

(Porky shoots at the bush and Daffy runs off)

Daffy: Woo hoo hoo hoo! What a knucklehead, there isn't anything in that bush!

(Then, Tom Turkey then appears in front of him, riddled with bullets, he punches Daffy out and takes the cereal.)

Tom: Oh yeah? That's what you think, bud!

Daffy: Hey! Thomas! Look over there!

Tom: Huh?

(Tom looks behind his back and Daffy takes back the cereal)

Daffy: Woo hoo hoo hoo! Oh boy! A-B-C-Delicious fun! (starts singing) Start your day a little bit better, it's the treat with the strength of weat! Fresh from Post!

(We return to "The Bugs Bunny Show")

Claude: Hi folks, we're back!

Sandy: Aye!

Andy: Will ya stop sayin' AYE, Sandy?

Sandy: Aye!

Claude: Garsh! Doesn't he say anything else?

Sandy: Aye!

Claude: Well, while those two sort things out, let's run another cartoon!

("Riff Raffy Daffy" comes on. Later, the cartoon finishes.)

Andy: That was a good cartoon!

Sandy: Aye!

Andy: I don't what got into him, Claude.

Claude: That's the ONLY thing I ever heard your brother say!

Sandy: And now a word from our sponsor!

Claude: It's a miracle!

Andy: Aye!

Claude: Oh no!

(Commerical opens on Elmer eating ham and eggs and drinking Kool-Aid)

Elmer: Ah, what a wonderful mowning! I just hope that wabbit doesn't steal my Kool-Aid again!

Bugs: Milkman!

Elmer: Be wight thewe!

(Elmer opens the door)

Elmer: Hey, there's no one here!

Bugs: Eh, could be you, doc!

(Bugs is off-screen)

Elmer: Awe you my conscience?

Bugs: Yeas.....

Bugs: Now doc, put a nice cool glass of dat fantastic new grape Kool-Aid outside your window.....(to the audience) I can make two quarts full for just five cents!

Elmer: All wight!

(Bugs snatches the Kool-Aid)

Elmer: Elmer: Ooooo! I hate wabbits! Wuckily, I still saved some new pwe-sweetened Kool-Aid.

(Elmer pulls out a pitcher of it with the Kool-Aid guy's face on it)

Elmer: Thewe's no sugar to add, so thewe's no mess.

Bugs: Eh, correction, doc! Now it's MY pre-sweetened Kool-Aid!

(Bugs snatches the pitcher)

Bugs:  Always let yer conscience guide you, doc! He he he he!

Elmer: Ooooh, you Swewy Wabbit! Come back hewe with my Kool-Aid!

(We return to "The Bugs Bunny Show")

Sandy: And we're back!

Andy: Aye!

Claude: Sandy, tell your borther to stop saying.......

Andy: Aye!

Claude: How can I get you two to stop? I'm supposed to be the host of this show! Garsh! I'm even a better hopper than you!

Andy and Sandy:  Are not!

Claude: Ha, I got you stop saying AYE!

Andy and Sandy: Aye!

Claude: Ahhhhhhh!

(Claude hops off hitting his head on the cieling on the way out)

Andy: Roll the next cartoon!

Sandy: Aye!

("The Last Hungry Cat" comes on. Later, the cartoon finishes.)

Andy: That was great cartoon, wasn't it Sandy?

Sandy: Aye!

Claude: Listen, I don't want to hear another pep from you two!

Andy and Sandy: Pep!

Claude: Ahhhhh!

(Claude wacks himself on the head constantly with a mallet)

Bugs: Eh, here's next week's coming attractions, folks!

(The "Coming Attractions" roll. There's a card that says "FEATURING CHARLIE DOG"... a clip from "Often an Orphan"... another card "FEATURING PORKY AND DAFFY"... a clip from "Porky Pig's Feat"... last card "FEATURING BUGS BUNNY" and a clip from "Super Rabbit.")

Andy: Well, that's all folks, right Sandy?

Sandy: Aye!

(The curtain comes down and the end credits roll as an instrumental of "This Is It" plays.)

Chorus: This is the Bugs Bunny Show!

Announcer: The Bugs Bunny has been brought to you by.......

Bugs: Post Treat pack! Six sweet treats made just for kids!


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