HISTERIA THEATER 3000:
Kid Chorus: Aka Pella, Kip Ling, Bow-Haired Girl, Crooked-Mouth Boy
Chorus: In the not so distant future, somewhere in Base 16,
Russian dictator Stalin and TV'S Froggo are making an evil scheme,
Froggo has some friends; one of them is Loud,
A loud boy that Stalin doesn't allowed,
He knew he and his friends are taking up space,
So he knocked them unconscious and he sent them up to space.
Loud: GET US DOWN!!!!!
Stalin: I'll sent him cheesy movies, the worst I can find,
Chorus: La, la, la
Stalin: He had to sit and watch them all and I'll monitor his mind.
Chorus: La, la, la
Now keep in mind that Loud can't control where his movies are gotta end,
He'll try to keep his sanely with the help of his Histerian friends.
(Screen whirls and stop, a title comes on screen)
Chorus: Histerian Roll Call!
Cambot! (You're on!)
Charity Bazaar! (I'm not happy.)
TOOOOAAAAASSSSTTTT!!!! (Ask me if I care!)
If your wandering how they eat and breath, or maybe if this is full of whacks, Just repeat
yourself it just a parody I should really just relax!
(Title comes on screen along with a big planet thingy)
Chorus: For...Mystery Histeria Theater 3000.
(We see the usual doors sequence and we stop to spaceship room. Loud, Pule, Toast, and
Charity are there.)
Loud: Hello, fans. Welcome to the Satellite of Time! And..
Pule: Help us! We are being trap on a satellite by a Russian madman!
Toast: Dude, it's bad enough we were being pursued by a scientist turned into a robot, a
evil whack-out baby, and a psycho at a theme park, but now one of our guest-stars from our
show traps us here!
Charity: I'm not happy.
Loud: Well, that's what happen. Joseph Stalin from our show Histeria! went nuts and traps
us here. Anyway, ever since we were here, he's trying to drive us insane by making us
watch bad movies.
Pule: Lucky for us, we had a sense of humor and always survive!
Loud: While we try to figure out what to do next, we'll right back.
Toast: And another thing, why is Pule here??? He's flat-out annoying!
Pule: Am not! I just whine allot! Besides, you guys never give me credit at all! I have
been on the show as long as you guys, but you get all the credit!
Charity: He's right. He had always been there. I think we should go easy on him.
Loud: We'll do that. (Mad light blinks on the screen) Oh great. The guy from Georgia is
(He pushes the answer button. We QC to Base 16 where Joseph Stalin and TV's Froggo are at.
Stalin looks annoyed.)
Stalin: I'll ignore that little remark, loud person. Anyway, it's time for today's science
project. Do you have anything to show, hmmm?
(QC to Satellite. The prisoners had some sort of science project prepared.)
Loud: WELL, WHAT WE GOT HERE IS A TOY PROJECT 3000!
(Everyone went ooh!)
Charity: Indeed. With this toy, you can make any toys you want.
Toast: Plus, it comes with a free cappuccino.
Pule: Cool! Can I have one?
Toast: No, it will make you hyper.
Loud: TOO LATE!
(QC to Base 16. TV's Froggo looks impressed.)
Froggo: The project looks good, Uncle Joe.
(Joseph angrily hits Froggo on the head)
Stalin: Never call me that in public!!!
(He turns back to screen)
Stalin: That's good for now, but now it's time for your movie for today. Today's movie is
going to be a horror for you.
Toast: Dude, what's isn't?
Stalin: I'll ignore that remark as well. Your movie today...
(QC to satellite)
Charity: Um, Froggo, if you're listening, don't let him do this. We are your friends.
(QC to Base 16)
Froggo: Sorry guys, but he's holding my allowance.
Stalin: And as long as I hold it, he'll do as I say! As I was saying, your movie today is
"24 Hours", the fan-fiction made by fellow H! author, Robert.(laughing evilly)
(QC to satellite)
Toast: Well, so much for your attempt of talking,
Charity: I thought it would work.
Loud: WAIT A MINUTE! DID HE SAY 24 HOURS?
Charity: Oh wait. I remember that one.
(Movie sign flashes wildly)
Loud: FORGET THAT! WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!!!
(We see the usual doors sequence and we QC to theater. The heroes sat in their seats as
the movie begins.)
Loud: TO DIE, HA HA HA HA HA!
Charity: Loud! Did you forget what fan-fiction this is?
Loud: ERR, YES...
Charity: You know, that "event"...
(Loud thought a moment and looked shocked)
Loud: OH NO!
Pule: Great! Now I can see what you guys are talking about.
Toast: You aren't going to like it, dude.
[by Robert Dougherty]
Toast: Dude, that Matlock guy making this movie?
Pule: If so, he better not bring that nun back!
[(Author's note: To fully understand most of this story]
Loud: YOU HAD TO BE SOME SORT OF IDIOT!
[you will need to have watched a majority of Histeria episodes. Second]
Pule: Don't crap your pants!
Toast: Like sick, dude!
[this isn't entirely the lighthearted story you usually see on the Archives,]
Toast: Huh? What story?
Charity: I think he meant the stories he made.
Loud: WALLY FAUST BETTER NOT BE IN THIS!
[there are several dark]
Charity: Luke, I am your father.
Toast: I can't see! Oh wait, I got my eyes closed!
[and dramatic moments. I would rate this a PG]
Charity: For Pretty...uh, an insult that begins with a G!
[story. If you can stand these requirements,]
Toast: Then don't come crying to us!
[read on and find out about a very histerical 24 hour series]
Loud: 24 SERIES?! YOU MEAN THERE IS MORE AFTER THIS?!
Charity: Loud, perhaps you have forgotten what happened next year.
Loud: I AM TRYING TO!
Pule: Hey! I am trying to watch the movie!
Toast: And your point is...?
Pule: Never mind.
[of events that went something like this...)]
Toast: No like this! What an idiot!
[(Opens on a dark screen as words begin to form.]
Pule: This movie is stupid?
Toast: Don't watch it?
Charity: It's the fourth sign of Apocalypse?
Loud: GENE IS A PSYCHO?
[A deep voiced narrator]
Charity: Who? James Earl Jones?
[reads them as they appear) Narrator: In 1998,]
Pule: Joel "who cares about his last name" made a horrible Batman & Robin
[Warner Brothers Animation and Kids WB created Histeria,]
All: Yay! We're number one!
[an educational cartoon that would present an entertaining and informative look at
history's most famous and infamous moments.]
Toast: From Sammy's point of view.
Charity: I'm not happy.
[not many people]
Pule:...reads Mad magazine.
[thought they were exactly entertaining.]
Toast: Well, we don't think the people are very entertaining either!
Charity: Now Toast; behave!
Toast: But dudette, they are mocking us!
[(These words fade into static]
Loud: SO WE WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN!
[and then begin to form new words which the narrator speaks.)]
Charity: (as narrator) Dang it! Where is my soup?! Oops...we are back!
[Narrator: But over one year later,]
Toast: George Lucas strikes back with Star Wars: Episode I.
[as the show's production came to a close,]
Charity: I'm not happy.
Loud: WHAT A GYP!
[an event took place that]
Loud: WILL STINK VERY BADLY! PEE U!
[would forever make Histeria, and the 24 hour long events you shall now see, live in
Charity: I thought the Pearl Harbor movie was over?
Loud: IT BETTER! WHAT A GYP!
Toast: Yeah! I had to pay a lot of money to try to understand it the first few times!
Pule: You never understand anything!
Toast: At least you never get into the cast list!
[(The entire screen turns into]
Toast: Play-dough, dude!
Loud: IT FINALLY DIED! THE END!
Charity: Now we aren't going to get away that easily.
[it fades into an overhead view of the Warner Bros lot.]
Pule: Where the Warner Bros...
Charity:...and their sister Dot...
Pule:...were planning to terrorize Mr. Plotz!
[A caption reads "Warner Bros studio lot.]
Toast: Cad! Like we didn't know that!
[November 11, 1999. 3:55 PM". Now we cut]
Loud: WHAT? THIS MOVIE OVER?
[to the P.O.V of someone walking through the lot. We see all the usual celebs there]
Charity: Hey! You're not Eric Cartman! Gypola!
Toast: Dude! Is Keanu Reeves there?
Pule: What about John Candy?
Loud: HE IS DEAD, PULE!
(He started crying until the others calmed him down)
Toast: There, there.
Charity: It happened untimely.
Toast: Who? RuPaul?
Charity: It better not be Dennis Rodman!
[walking, Spielberg, Eastwood, Burton, etc. The person stops]
Loud: AND SAY WHAT A CRAPPY MOVIE THIS IS!
Toast: Totally, dude.
[and looks up]
Loud: CHARITY'S SKIRT!
Loud: SORRY! COULDN'T HELP IT!
Toast: Man! Now I know how Pepper feels!
[at a large, official looking building, with a sign on it reading]
Charity: No Kellners allowed.
Loud: THIS IS THE BATHROOM, STUPID.
Toast: Welcome to Heck.
Pule: This is the Twilight Zone.
["Kids WB shows building". The person walks in.)]
Toast: And automatically died. The End.
[(Now the person walks past a secretary booth and goes onto an elevator. He/she]
Charity: No Dennis Rodman!
[presses the number 7. The elevator]
Pule: Stops after floor 2.
[goes up and while it does the various names of]
Charity: People who we don't give a care about.
[the floors are seen at the top reading in order. "1'st)
Loud: WE ALL WENT!
[floor: Shows good and still in production floor" "2'nd]
Toast: The Kellner is a jerk floor.
[floor: Shows good and therefore had to be cancelled floor")
Charity: I'm not happy.
Loud: WHAT A JOKE!
["3'rd Floor: All Pokemon]
Pule: All the time!
[floor" "4'th floor: Another all Pokemon floor" "5'th floor]
Toast: (some elevator man) Kitchen appliances, useful weapons, and other useless stuff.
["Yet another all Pokemon floor")
Charity: Man. Kellner really knows his Pokemon.
Pule: Gotta catch them all!
(Note from JusSonic: I like Pokemon! So don't flame me!)
["6'th floor "Still another all Pokemon floor" (that's because]
Loud: WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BUILDINGS TO PUT IT IN!
[we just love it so much]
Pule: (Elmyra) we will squeeze it to pieces!
[since we show it almost 24/7 a day so don't bother complaining)]
Charity: Or we will declare martial law and shut down the programs again.
[Finally it stops at floor 7 "Shows either on the brink of ending]
Toast: Or on the brink of kicking Kellner's butt!
[or shows we can't get rid of yet floor"]
Loud: I HATE WHATEVER THAT SHOW CALLED!
[Now the person walks through a hall and goes toward a door]
Toast: Dude, this whole story is about going to the bathroom? In the words of red,
[labeled "Histeria! section" He/she walks in and walks through another hallway,
Pule: Of WOW with no clothes on.
All (except Pule): Pule!
[left and right of all the regular Histeria cast, including]
Charity: Letters of death threats.
[a rather large picture of Sammy Melman.]
Loud: HEY! WHY DID HE GET A LARGE PICTURE?!
Charity: He insisted on it, remember?
[Finally, the person goes to a door labeled "Histeria meeting room"]
Toast: Oh! Must be that new chat room.
[and opens it, where all the regular cast members]
Pule: Discuss how badly this movie is.
[are seated around a rectangular table.]
Charity: As our answer to the round table.
[Now we finally, finally see who the person is. It's Loud Kiddington)]
Loud: IT'S ME! THE STAR!
Toast: And Gene's favorite punch bag.
(Loud sticks tongue out at Toast, annoyed)
[Loud: HI EVERYONE, SORRY I'M LATE!]
Loud: CHARITY HAS TO GO INTO OVERTIME!
Charity: Loud! No one wants to discuss that.
Pule: Cool! Can I see next time?
[Sammy: You should be sorry,]
Toast: (as Sammy) Because now it's time to die.
[we were waiting quite some time for you, now sit down! (Loud sits down]
Charity: (as Sammy) Now sit up again.
[nervously) Ha, ha, gotcha with that very mad bit,)
Pule: Yeah? Well you should see how mad he was when Lydia went with R6!
(QC to R6.)
R6: You can't prove anything!
Lydia: (V/O) Oh, Johnny! Where are you?
(R6 gulps. QC to theater)
[scared you didn't I, since that's so out of character for me to get that mad! Loud:
Loud: YOU'RE A DOOFUS!
[IT IS IN CHARACTER SINCE, NO OFFENSE,]
Toast: (as Loud) but you aren't wearing any pants, dude.
All: (laughs at the thought)
[YOU HAVE A BAD SENSE OF HUMOR.]
Loud: NO DUH, SHERLOCK!
Toast: Dude, don't talk to yourself like that! That's strange.
[Father Time: Well that's an improvement]
Charity: [as Father Time] On second thought, forget it. It's all crap!
[over other network gurus,]
Pule: Old men ran the station?
[since they have no sense of humor at all! (Everyone but Sammy laughs) Sammy: Ha, ha. yes.
Now if we've had enough of making fun of me]
All: (as cast) No we don't!
[let's get down to business. Now,]
Pule: Into the hot tub?
[as you all know]
Loud: (as Sammy) CHARITY BAZAAR IS HOT!
[we are in a little bit of a bad situation. World's Oldest Woman: Little bit?!]
Charity: (as WOW) How about a bit more?!
[Almost all of our episodes have aired, they plan to cancel us as soon as they're aired,
and we're the reason that the 7'th floor name has that section called "Shows we can't
get rid of yet" label! Mr. Melman,]
Charity: (as WOW) We aren't hiring.
[I don't think that comes out to a "little bit" of a bad situation. Sammy: Uh,
exactly what I was about to say! But I am not about to give up on this,]
Toast: (as Sammy) at least not until the check comes in the mail, dude!
[I poured my whole heart into this show, and I won't give in without a fight! Miss
Information: That's gross!]
Charity: Score one for Miss Info.
[But I thought you needed a heart to live,]
Pule: Say Dorothy to the Tin Man.
[so how can you still be here if you put your heart in the show?]
Toast: He did? No wonder it is canceling!
[Sammy: (Sighs) Once again, you miss the point,]
Charity: It's in Sandusky you fool.
Loud: HEY! DON'T BASH MISS INFORMATION, OH RIGHT?!
Charity: This is a fan-fiction remember?
Loud: OH RIGHT!
[So I'll just edit that line to say I worked very hard]
[on this show and I'm not giving up on it. Aka: Even considering the fact]
Toast: That Pule is very annoying.
[that doing that mean going up against those heartless network execs and the complaints of
our network censor Lydia Karaoke]
Loud: WHAT A GROUCH!
[about those constant gross out gags that would continue if you succeed? Sammy: Yes, and
don't worry about Lydia,]
Toast: R6 is having his way with her.
(QC to Lydia and R6 frowning]
Lydia/R6: We are going to get letters.
(QC to theater)
[it's because of us that she got her job,]
Charity: Oh yeah. Just plan to kill Caesar and she will jumped all over you.
Pule: But Lydia doesn't even like him!
Charity: That is beside the point.
[and therefore she'd have to show some mercy towards us.]
Loud: OR SHE WILL GO AT US WITH A BASEBALL BAT!
[Besides, she never said she'd try to cancel it, she just reports to the execs about it
content and they factored those reports in their original decision.]
Toast: Gad, like thanks a lot Lydia.
Loud: WHAT A NUT!
Charity: I'm not happy.
[Loud: BUT SHE DOES RAISE SOME GOOD POINTS AT TIMES SAMMY, SHOULDN'T WE BE CONCERNED
Pule: Who get the bigger pay?
[ALL THE BAD GAGS WE'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH THAT SHE WOULD USE AGAINST US?! Sammy: Come on,
Toast: She doesn't do crap.
[I don't see any other reason why people hate this show. It fulfills FCC]
Loud: FOOD CARE CENTER?
Charity: Fish Cat Cutter?
Pule: Figs Comes Colorado?
Toast: Uh, Franklin Carrey Catty?
[guidelines, it's funny and educational, what else do they want? Father Time: Well another
Pule: It isn't on anymore!
[the lack of character development. Sammy: What?]
Loud: HE SAID ANOTHER COMPLAINT IS THE LACK OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! WAKE UP!
[Father Time: I said a lack of character development is another big problem. Sammy: I
All: No kidding!
[Loud: HE SAID THERE'S A BIG LACK OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, DIDN'T YOU HEAR HIM?! Sammy:
Well, now I do,]
Toast: And I wouldn't care less, dude.
[all too literally I might add. Father Time: In that case I'll explain in layman's terms.]
Charity: Who's that? That guy from Seinfeld?
Pule: No that is Newman.
[They hate the fact that all the characters are]
Toast: Created equal.
Loud: HEY ABE!
[mostly one dimensional, to be more specific. For instance, I just introduce stretches,]
Loud: HEY! I INTRODUCE SKETCHES TOO!
Toast: Name one!
Loud: THE PEOPLE WANTED PEPPER ON THEIR FOOD SONG FOR ONE!
Toast: Oh yeah.
[Big Fat Baby]
Charity: Needs a change.
[provides bathroom humor,]
Toast: Just throw in the towel, dude.
[Loud just yells,]
Loud: I DO NOT!
Charity: You are yelling now!
Loud: YEAH, BUT NOT ALL THE TIME!
[Miss Info says incorrect stuff, you get the idea.]
Pule: (snickering) Yeah right.
[The audience doesn't like that we all have only one defining trait in our characters.]
Loud: I HAVE ANOTHER TRAIT!
Charity: That is...?
Charity: Oh Loud...
(She and Loud started to make out. Toast and Pule just stares.)
Toast: Uh, let's just watch the movie, dude.
Pule: Good idea.
[Sammy: We've been over this Father Time,]
Toast: So shut up!
[I have no room for that on this show, this is to teach history]
Pule: Who's history?
[and make people laugh, particularly the laugh part, I can't bore people]
Toast and Pule: (laughs)
[with pointless meaningful development. Besides,]
Pule: I am still an idiot.
[no offense to you guys, but since you people are exactly alike with the characters you
play, there's nothing to develop. Father Time: He's got us there,]
Pule: No he doesn't.
Toast: Yo, dudes. Break's over.
(Loud and Charity finished what they are doing and sat back down)
[he had all of the characters in mind when this began, then he found us,]
Loud: NO HE DIDN'T! HE TRICKED US!
Charity: I still hadn't forgave him about the bathroom trick!
Toast: Bummer that I didn't get to see the Baywatch babes!
Pule: I thought you were with Pepper?
Toast: That was before.
[who were exactly alike with the description of this show's characters, so he had all of
them named after us, and the rest is Histeria!]
Loud: LAME JOKE ALERT!
Charity: Someone arrested this guy.
[Sammy: You proved my point, the Father Time on the show gives all the boring stuff]
Loud: THAT'S NOT TRUE! WE SAID THE BORING STUFF TOO!
Charity: I'm not happy.
[and you do the same! That's why you guys are brilliant]
Toast: Thank you, oh stupid dude.
[you're all playing yourselves! Charity: If we were that brilliant,]
Pule: We would have been in the movies.
[we wouldn't be on the brink of cancellation. Sammy: Sigh, please no more depressing talk
Charity: I like depressing talk. Besides it kept Loud interesting.
Loud: WHAT A BABE!
[there's no need to be sad, I am going to fight this thing and we will prevail. (While
Sammy keeps talking]
Loud: THE WORLD BLEW UP!
[we close up on a large screen TV to the right of the room, turned off.) Sammy:
(Continuing) Trust me,]
[people all over the world are going to be seeing us on their TV screens for years to
Loud: NO KIDDING!
[(Just then without warning,]
Charity: Baloney the annoying dinosaur came in.
[the TV comes on all by itself and static is being shown) Toast: That's funny, all I see
on that one is static.]
Toast: Dude, I can't believe I say that lame line.
[Sammy: Very funny Toast, you can turn off the TV now, we get the gag. Toast: Um, it
Pule: It was me! Die!
[I don't even have the remote control. Pepper: I don't have it either, and if I did]
Charity: I will never give it to you.
[I certainly wouldn't have it on static with no famous people to be found.]
Loud: NO KIDDING!
[Froggo: Don't look at me,]
Toast: We aren't.
[I didn't do anything. Sammy: But if none of you turned it on...(Curious)]
Pule: Great, now Sammy became Curious George.
Charity: Except this time he is a very stupid monkey.
[then just who did? (Cut to various TV'S all over the world as their programs are being]
[interrupted by static. Back at the meeting room, everyone's attention]
Charity: Is on Pule who just blew up.
Pule: But I am not even in this fan-fiction!
Loud: SHE IS JUST MAKING A JOKE, PULE.
Pule: Well it isn't a good one.
[is on the TV. Then, the static clears up]
Toast: And the TMNT show just appeared, dude.
[and now we see a strange, eccentric looking man on the screen.]
Toast: Uh oh, Loud. Here's Gene.
Loud: I WAS HOPING I DON'T SEE HIM AGAIN!
Charity: Obviously your wish didn't come too.
[He has jet black hair and is dressed]
Pule: In a tutu.
[in a white scientific coat worn over a black shirt. Man: Good afternoon, world.]
Toast: Yeah right! More like evil nightmare afternoon, dude.
[We interrupted these programs of entertainment and joy to bring you something completely
different, a revelation.]
Loud: WE AREN'T HERE TO READ THE BIBLE, GENE!
[Recently I made a discovery about a show, particularly two characters in that show, that
I want the whole world to know about.]
Charity: Yeah right. He is just going to show a 24 Hours marathon to terrorize my Loud and
his friend Miss Info. Though I didn't fall for him at the time.
Loud: I HATE GENE! I HATE GENE! I HATE GENE!
[For the next 24 hours,]
Pule: I will run around naked.
Toast: Gross, dude!
[you will be witness to programming that may drive you nuts,]
All: Too late!
[but also teach you what I have learned, and what must be done about it. Enjoy.]
Loud: OR NOT. HA HA HA HA HA!
Charity: Geez, Loud, knock it off. You starting to sound like him!
Charity: That's okay.
(They both kiss and makeup and resumed watching the movie.)
[Wait a minute, this isn't enjoyable, so ignore that last statement.]
Pule: No we won't!
[Just watch this, and I'll be back in 24 hours.]
Charity: I just got out of the shower.
[(The TV then goes static again, but after a second or two it clears up. TV's all over the
Toast: Blew up at the same time.
[are now being tuned in to one image. The image is that of Loud,]
Charity: Here's my sweetie.
Loud: LIKE I SAID BEFORE, WHAT A BABE!
[and now we see this clip]
Pule: Doesn't exist.
[is from the sketch where he reenacted The Shot Heard Round The World,]
Toast: Dude I don't get it. If the shot was heard around the world, wouldn't the world
Pule: I don't know the answer to that one.
[and we see him do that. Cut to a living room]
Charity: Of the Bradys.
[where a man, woman, and two kids are watching this)]
Toast: Kids? Dude, this is a Bradys fic!
[Man: Hey, isn't this from that educational show Histeria! that the kids always watch?
Woman: I wouldn't know,]
Loud: SO SHUT UP!
[since I've never seen it, but from the look of the kids]
Pule: They won't change the channel for hours.
Charity: No kidding.
[it sure looks like it. (We see the kids, an 8 year old boy and 9 year old girl, watching
this with glee) Man: Martha, can we change the channel, I want to watch ESPN! Martha:
George if we do that, it'll break their hearts, so that means we're struck watching this.]
Loud: THEIR NAMES ARE GEORGE AND MARTHA? THIS IS A DRAMA FIC!
Charity: How did you know that?
Loud: UH, I DON'T KNOW.
[George: Oh well, maybe this'll be good, it better be. (Fade into another house where
another couple is watching the show) Man: Can we change this Sally dear, I never liked
Loud: OH YEAH?! WE NEVER LIKE YOU EITHER!
Charity: Loud, they apologized for trying to kill you, remember?
Loud: OH YEAH! SORRY!
[Sally: I suppose. (She picks a remote and changes the channel, but]
Pule: Barney is on the next channel.
[the same thing is on. She flips through all the channels and they're the same too.) This
Loud: I SHOULD HAVE CHARITY AS A GIRLFRIEND ON THE SHOW!
Charity: I am your girlfriend now remember?
Loud: OH YEAH!
Toast: Totally, dude.
[this thing's on every channel! Man: Well turn it off, I'm not going to be exposed]
Pule: With my pants down.
[to this for 24 hours! (Sally tries to turn it off, but it's still on)]
[Sally: You may have to Jim,]
Charity: When Sally and Jim meets Loud.
[I can't turn this off! (She reaches for the On/Off button on the TV, and]
Loud: IT EXPLODED. THE END.
Charity: We still aren't going to get away that easier either.
[it doesn't work) Yep, this thing's not going off, we'll have to live with this. Jim: No
we won't, I'm muting this thing and if that doesn't work,]
Pule: I will kill myself!
Toast: Then why don't you?
Pule: I was mocking Jim, Toast.
[turn down the volume! (He tries both, and they don't work) What's the matter with this
thing?! I told you we should have gotten a TV made in this decade!]
Loud: DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?
[(Now the image on TV is that of Miss Info interviewing the dinosaurs in The Dawn of Time
ep. We see the part where]
Loud: THE DINOS FINISHED EXPLAINING THEIR EXTINCTION?
[the dinos finish explaining how they went extinct,]
Loud: I WAS RIGHT!
Charity: (as Miss Info) Thank you, Nostferatu.
Loud: (as Nostradamus) I AM A PROPHET, NOT A SEVERE VAMPIRE! SHUT UP!
Toast: Dude, that is a cool Nostradamus imitation if I say so myself!
[and she asks]
Pule: What time is it?
[how long this extinction lasted. Cut now to the meeting room]
Charity: Of the Chicago Bulls.
[where Father Time is flipping through the channels and the show is on every channel like
before. A caption now reads]
Charity: Screwy, isn't it?
[it's 4:30 PM) Father Time: Now this is odd,]
Loud: I DON'T SEEM TO BE TALKING RIGHT NOW!
[how are we on every channel? And why? W.O.W: What do you mean we? So far]
Loud: WE DIDN'T DO DUH!
[it looks like Loud and Miss Info are the only ones on this thing. Sammy: (Listening to a
radio) That's funny, reports are]
Pule: Gilligan had just gotten off the island?
Toast: Keanu Reeves is replacing George Clooney?
Loud: HISTERIA IS COMING BACK?
Charity: We are getting off the satellite?
[that this is happening on every TV in the world.]
Charity: Except Afghanistan.
[That means that everyone on the planet is watching this. Toast: Cha, I think]
Toast: You are an idiot.
[that's fairly obvious if it's on every TV in the world. Lucky Bob: You are]
Loud: INCORRECT, SIR!
[correct sir. Hiyo! Sammy: Wait a minute, if we're being shown everywhere...(he thinks for
Charity: Sammy thinking? That's scary.
Pule: What is more scarier is how he done those dull impressions of that Frank Gifford
Toast: Best not to ask, little dude.
[That's it!! Cho-Cho: What's it?]
Pule: A creature in Ireland.
[Sammy: "It" is our salvation!]
Charity: Who? The Justice League?
[Aka: I don't get it. Sammy: Well I didn't expect any of you to,]
Loud: WHAT AM I SAYING? I DON'T GET IT EITHER!
[so I'll explain. That guy who showed up before this]
Loud: IS EVIL! DIE GENE!
Charity: He's already dead, sweetie.
Loud: I KNOW, BUT HE REALLY MADE ME MAD WHEN HE ALMOST KILLED YOU!
Charity: Don't worry about it.
(She kisses Loud, who blushes. They return to watching the movie)
[started, he must be a huge Histeria fan,]
Charity: Yeah right.
Loud: I DON'T KNOW WHY WE PUT UP WITH HIM!
Toast: Dude, he got the idea after his old man died!
Toast: His dad, you know the guy from Tiny Toons.
Pule: Oh yeah...never seen that episode.
Toast: Then don't.
[so he must be taking over the airwaves and showing 24 hours]
Pule: Of Facts Of Life reruns.
[of the show to convince everyone that it's great and should be shown more often. Loud:
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?]
[Sammy: Well, why else would somebody go to all that trouble to show 24 hours of a show?
He'd have no]
[reason to show it if he hated us,]
Loud: YOU WISH! HE HATED ME AND MISS INFO!
[that's for sure! Once the execs see that someone likes us this much to do this,]
Toast: They are going to blow chunks, dude!
Toast: Now you know how I feel.
Pule: Geez, I am sorry.
[they'll have to renew us! Like I said, brilliant!]
Loud: LIKE I SAID, YOU WISH!
[Froggo: Well, I guess that would seem logical.]
Toast: I look great in a bra.
(The others look sick, then shook it off.)
[Maybe he's right, for once. Sammy: Of course I am, what else it could be?]
Pule: A marathon that no one will like.
[Loud: (Thinking to himself) Hmm, if that is the case, this guy certainly seems to be fond
Loud: YEAH RIGHT! WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
[I seem to be in this quit a bit. I'd better keep watching this since]
Charity: I had nowhere else to go.
[I find that statement a bit hard to believe. (Another image of Loud is shown on the TV,
and we now]
Toast: Know the rest of the story.
[dissolve to that same image on another screen,]
Pule: Somewhere in Giants Stadium.
[and many others, as we see they are part of a control console. Right in front of it,]
Loud: IS ANOTHER IMAGE OF ME!
[a chair is seen, and sitting in it is the strange man from earlier, working the buttons)
Man: (Looking at the screens of Loud) Ah, thus my vengeance begins.]
Toast: Dude, I hadn't even gotten the game for GameCube yet.
[It took me 8 months to carry this all out, but in 24 hours]
Loud: I WILL GET MY BUTT KICK!
[it will be worth the wait. And now...]
Charity: The rest of the story.
[well, I certainly hope everyone got their earplugs ready when this began, they're going
to need them. (Cut back to Sally and Jim) Jim: You know,]
Pule: The Facts of Life isn't about you.
[I've been trying to give this thing a chance since it came on, but I've had enough! All
I've seen so far]
Loud: IS RERUNS!
[is that loud kid yelling coupled with some very stupid statements by that tourist guide!]
Loud: NOT REALLY! A STUPID STATEMENT IS I AM NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!
Toast: Or I crapped my pants, dude.
Pule: Or the world blew up but it didn't.
Charity: Knock it off, guys.
[Sally: Yes, those statements are even more annoying]
Charity: Then the last Spice Island Girls album.
[after being exposed to so much yelling.]
Pule: (as Grinch) Oh the yelling, the yelling, the yelling.
[Jim: You know, this is sad, we should have better things to do than this. Let's do
something constructive. Sally: Good idea,]
[I'll finish reading that book "The Bridges of Madison Avenue County" Jim: And
I'll go to the garage]
Toast: Where I'll prepare for your obvious murder!
[and make some final adjustments]
Pule: To my pants.
[to our car.]
Charity: They have a car?
[(Sally goes to a couch and Jim goes across the room and opens a door to the garage.]
Toast: Wait a minute, if Gene can make a force field to keep them in the house, how can he
be in the garage???
Charity: The garage is part of the house, Toast.
Loud: WHAT A NUT!
[Cut back to the man]
Pule: In The Yellow Hat.
[who pushes a few buttons and now, back at Sally and Jim's house, the TV is louder.]
Pule: And Leon is getting larger!
Charity: That doesn't make any sense, Pule.
Pule: Not to me, either.
[The Gettysburg address sketch from the first Civil War ep is on, so now when Loud is
Loud: ABE CAN HEAR ME MORE CLEARLY!
[it's so loud that Sally can't concentrate on reading her book. The noise is so loud it
reaches to across the room to the garage where Jim is]
Toast: Goofing off, dude.
[working on his car, and he can't concentrate. They run toward each other.)]
Loud: AND THEY ALL FELL DOWN!
[Sammy: Sally, if the remote doesn't work, why is the volume up so high? Sally: What?!]
Loud: HE SAY WHY THE VOLUME IS UP SO HIGH! WHAT A NUT!
[I can't hear you over this! Jim: Oh no,]
Pule: Mr. Bill presents.
[we are not going through that joke where all we say is "What?!" over high
Charity: (as Pee-Wee Herman) What? What?
Toast: He said we are not going through that joke! Had you got no brains at all?!
[(Jim angrily picks up a piece of paper and writes what he has to say,]
Pule: And immediately forgot what to do.
[which is "This noise is getting so distracting, I don't think any of us]
Toast: Can speak even louder, dude.
[will be able to do anything without hearing this!" Sally then writes on another
piece of paper "Then let's go outside and take]
Loud: A BATH!
[a walk!" Jim writes "Good idea!"]
Charity: Or not.
[Then the volume is turned down back to normal) Jim: Phew, good it down again, let's go
Pule: The world explodes.
[it goes back to being all gaga!]
Toast: Dude, what on earth is gaga?
Charity: I don't know.
Loud: ME EITHER!
[(Fade to George and Martha as they try to change]
Loud: THEIR CLOTHES!
[the channel to something else with no luck) George: Martha, that little loud noise gave
me the obvious conclusion]
Charity: That I needn't bring any earplugs.
[that we need to get out of here and get some good fresh air]
Toast: Unfortunately, pollution has gotten even worse that day.
Pule: Tune in to Fred Moppel for more.
[if this is all that's gonna be on! Martha: I concur,]
Loud: CONCUR? WHAT THE HECK?
Toast: Dude, this author is making up words as he goes!
Pule: I agree.
[come on kids, we are going to get some air before dinner. (Fade back to the man as he
pushes some buttons.]
Charity: However, one of them is labeled "Idiot Killer".
[Cut to a roof]
Pule: That Tim Allen fell off of.
[where suddenly a giant ray gun comes out and shoots a green light.]
Loud: WHICH MEANS WE CAN WALK ACROSS THE ROAD!
[It begins to spread everywhere, and then the light turns invisible.]
Charity: Like the invisible man.
[Cut to an outside view of the planet, where]
Toast: The Death Star is going to destroy the planet, dude.
[a green ring]
Loud: WHAT IS THIS? SONIC THE HEDGEHOG?
[covers the Earth, and then disappears.)]
Pule: Like the invisible man.
[Voice: (From the man's console) Operation done.]
Pule: Great. Gene must have come back from a surgery.
[Now every door in every house in the world is locked, except for the Kids WB shows
Pule: Oh, and also David Spade's house.
[And every window that's open is still open, but special shielding]
Charity: It isn't that special.
[will prevent anyone from going out of their house through it. (The man grins)]
Toast: Like a psycho who just been given a gun for his birthday.
Loud: GLAD HE NEVER USED IT!
Charity: Here, here.
[(Cut to Sally and Jim's house, George and Martha's, and to other houses in the world to
Pule: They have pretty ugly furniture. I bet the people at home didn't think we can see
Toast: Dude, if that didn't work for Pepper, it won't for you!
[that any open doors are now closing. At Sally and Jim's, Jim tries to open the door, but
it won't open.) Jim: This door won't open!]
Loud: NO KIDDING, SHERLOCK!
[I don't get it,]
Loud: LIKE I SAID, NO KIDDING!
[it was wide open a second ago and it swung closed. Sally: Let's try a window then. (They
open a window. Jim tries to go through it, but he seems to have slammed into some sort of
invisible wall instead.]
Toast: Like Marlon Wayans in Scary Movie II.
Charity: It is the sequel to Scary Movie, the parody of many horror movies.
Loud: TOAST SNUCK A COPY WITH HIM WHEN WE BABYSIT THE RUGRATS, REMEMBER?
Toast: Oh sure. Pretty fun.
[He then puts out his hand but it won't go past the window, an unseen barrier seems to be
stopping him.) Jim: It feels like I'm touching...]
Charity: (yelling) No pervert jokes!
[something that isn't allowing me to leave. Sally dear, I think we're stuck in here.
Sally: This is no time for rhyming Jim,]
Toast: You are not Mother Goose, you know.
[how can you rhyme at a time like this?!]
Pule: Uh, six o'clock?
(Others stared at him)
Pule: Hey, Lucky Bob isn't here!
[(Fade back to George and Martha) George: Are you saying]
Loud: THAT PACKERS WON THE SUPER BOWL?!
Toast: Go Packers!
Pule: Yeah Packers!
[we're stuck in here? How can this be happening?! Martha: I have no idea,]
Loud: NO KIDDING!
Charity: Loud, stop. That isn't nice.
Loud: NEITHER IS CREATING A MARATHON TO TURN PEOPLE AGAINST US!
Pule: Huh? I thought Gene only hated you and Miss Info during this time.
Charity: Yes, but he also hated our show which means he hated all of us.
Toast: Yeah, little dude.
Pule: I don't understand why he didn't trick me to go to Washington.
Toast: (snickering) Who knew?
Pule: Stop it, you meanie!
[it seems that whoever's showing us this marathon]
Pule: Is a nut!
Loud: HEY, THAT'S MY LINE!
[wants to us to watch at whatever the cost.]
Charity: $3.50 an hour.
[George: Well there has to be something we can do!!]
Toast: Try shutting up for one.
[Martha: George honey,]
Charity: There are bears out there.
[from the looks of it whoever's doing this can turn up the volume so we can't concentrate]
Loud: ON DOING IT!
Loud: HEY, THAT WHAT ME AND CHARITY ALWAYS DOES!
Charity: But we always stick to first base.
Pule: What is she talking about?
Toast: Dude do not ask.
[on anything else, like what happened a few minutes ago. I don't think there's anything we
can do. George: Thank you Mrs Exposition]
Toast: Huh? Her name is Martha Exposition?
Charity: He is being sarcarious, Toast.
[for filling my head with that horrendous thought.}
Loud: NOW DIE!
[(Cut to the meeting room. While the others are at the far left of room discussing, Loud]
Pule: Is busy having his way with Charity.
[is watching the marathon very closely. It is now 5:00) Loud: This is very unusual,]
Loud: I AM NOT SEEM TO BE YELLING RIGHT NOW! OH WAIT, I AM YELLING!
[something batty's going on here.]
Toast: Time to call Renaissance Man!
All: (singing) Renaissance Man! He's the Renaissance Man! He thinks up things as fast as
he can! He's the Renaissance Man! Renaissance Man!
Pule: Okay that is pointless.
[HEY MR. MELMAN!!]
Loud: YOUR WIFE JUST CALLED!
[Sammy: Loud, I told you not to yell while we're busy]
Pule: (as Sammy) finding ways to kill you.
(Charity angrily hits Pule)
Charity: (angrily) No death threats!
Pule: I was only mocking Melman!
Charity: Well, you're doing a bad job doing so.
Loud: WHAT A NUT!
[discussing how to convince the execs to renew us because of this marathon. That's why we
had to go over here to discuss it because of that loud outburst a half hour ago. Loud: ARE
ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY]
Toast: Stupid than you look?
[_WATCHING_ THIS MARATHON, I DON'T THINK THE REASON THIS IS HAPPENING IS WHAT YOU THINK IT
Charity: No kidding.
[Miss Info: Why is that? Loud: I don't know, but it's very fitting]
Pule: In this shirt.
[that you asked that question. Look,]
[I've been watching this and all that's been shown]
Toast: Are crappy reruns of Who's The Boss with Tony Danza.
[for the first hour is me yelling and Miss Information saying]
Pule: I am an idiot.
Toast: No kidding.
Pule: I was...oh forget it.
[incorrect remarks. Sammy: Well, maybe this guy]
Charity: Is an evil psycho who hated Loud and Miss Information and wants them dead.
Loud: THOUGH WE DIDN'T KNOW IT AT THE TIME!
[_likes_ those running gags.]
Pule: Since when does gags had feet?
[Father Time: You're joking right?]
Loud: I NEVER JOKE!
[I mean no disrespect towards Loud, but we all know that mostly everyone can't stand
hearing him yell.]
Loud: (angrily) YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Toast: Dude, it's true.
Loud: SHUT UP!
[Aka: That's right, not even you can stand it Sammy. Sammy: Well you're right there,]
Toast: I should stand elsewhere!
[but I do a pretty good job of hiding it.]
Pule: (snickering) Yeah right.
[Cho-Cho: And plus Miss Information's incorrect statements are also so incorrect that not
Loud: GO TO SCHOOL!
[would like that too, no offense. Lucky Bob: You are correct sir. Sammy: So what are you
all getting at?]
[Loud: I'm saying]
Loud: YOU ARE STILL AN IDIOT!
[that it's very strange that someone would show two running gags of the show that]
Toast: Doesn't exist, dude.
[practically no one likes for 24 hours like it looks like this guy is doing. Therefore,]
Loud: I AM!
[I think that there's another reason why this is happening. W.O.W: He's probably right.
Pule: Why else is this story getting stupider?
[if he just wanted to show everyone how good the show is, wouldn't he show all of us
instead of just Loud and Miss Info? Sammy: Oh dear, you're right!]
Toast: What do you know? The Sam-meister admitted it.
[But maybe we shouldn't get paranoid here, I mean it's not like this is done for some sort
of evil purpose right? Right?!]
Toast: You got that right, baby!
(The viewers stand up and leave the theater. We see the usual doors sequence. We return to
the bridge at the beginning of the show.)
Loud: GREAT, I WAS HOPING TO FINALLY GET OUT OF THERE!
Toast: Yeah, last thing we need is being reminded of what happened.
Pule: Now I'm glad I wasn't there. Otherwise, I would have gone insane from the
Charity: You and me both, brother.
Pule: I am not your brother!
(Pule and Charity are now arguing)
Toast: Dude, this is going to take long.
Loud: YEAH, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
to Part 2
On to Part 3
On to Part 4
On to Part 5
On to Part 6