Here are the cast members:
1.Anakin "Loud" Skywalker (Loud Kiddington)
2.Napoleba (Napoleon Bonaparte)
3.Bill-Gon Jinn (Bill Straitman)
5.Julius the Caesar (Julius Caesar)
6.Senator Nixonstine (Richard M. Nixon)
7.R2-PU (Big Fat Baby)
8.Darth Crookilious (Richard M. Nixon)
9.Darth Maul the Great (Alexander the Great)
10.To-To "Toast" Binks (Toast)
11.Thomas Windu (Thomas Edison)
12.Frog-Go Kenobi (Froggo)
13.Captain Washanka (George Washington)
14.Engels Ruuko (Engels)
15.Ike Olle (Dwight Eisenhower)
16.Battle Soviet (Soviet communist)
17.Queen Bazaidala (Charity Bazaar/World's Oldest Woman)
18.Charde Nabiralla (Charity Bazaar)
19.Lyds Skywalker (Lydia Karaoke)
20.KGB Destroyer (KGB agent)
21.Chancellor Confucius (Confucius)
22.C-OLD (Father Time)
23.Marx Gunray (Karl Marx)
24.Boss Hun (Attila the Hun)
This story is in honor of the people who were killed by the terrorists. May they Rest
In Peace. Here we go!
(A fox was shown at the beginning, then ran away when timber was heard and a tree fell,
then the Histeria! productions were shown)
A long time ago, in a histerical, galaxy far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far,
far, far, far, far, far...phew! (Long, isn't it?)...away...
(Fade in on huge Histeria Wars going back. Then the opening text rolls in)
THE HISTORY MENACE
It is a troubled time for the Republic (but then again what isn't?)
The trade routes had been violated (and stuff that doesn't make any sense what so ever)
To make more mischief (and make a little money off of
The greedy, good-for-nothing, sons of a b*****s Soviet Union Trade Federation had put a
Around the little planet of Naboo.
Unknown to the Soviets, though, Chancellor
Confucius has privately hired two
Jedi Knights, guardians of freedom, honor, and the space-time continuity
To make an settlement...
(Opening fades out. Pan down to reveal a ship in space. It looks like one of the planes
in the WWII episode, except two things: 1.You can't see anyone inside and 2.It has rockets
on each side of it. Shot pans around as it comes forward, to reveal a planet that looks
like Earth surround by satellites that looked like the ones the Russians used. We cut to
inside as they continue to approach, revealing two guys in cloaks and two pilots that
looked like Eric the Red and his wife from "More Explorers")
Woman: Yes sir?
Navy: Tell them that we must board, sooner not later.
(Woman nods and turns back to console. She presses some buttons, and an image appears
on the screen. The person looks like Karl Marx, except with viceroy clothing)
Woman: With all due respect, or whatever, the ambassadors from the Chancellor want to
be on board.
Marx Gunray: Certainly, little lady. We're willing to accept anyone...except for Nazis.
(The plane pulls into the nearest Space Station. Inside, droids that looks like the
people from "Russian Revolution" walked around like nutcases. The plane lands,
and the guys in cloaks got out. They walked through the hangar to a door, where a droid
that looked like Molly Pitcher await them)
Droid: I'm HL00, here to serve your every need. Walk this way.
(They follow her, not copying her walking mind you, and they got to a room with a huge
HL00: Stay here, and my master will be here shortly.
(She then left)
Brown: I don't like this.
(Both remove their hoods. The guy in navy looks like Bill Straitman, except with a
beard. The other one looks like Froggo except he is missing his hat, and he has a
ponytail. They are Bill-Gon Jinn and Frog-Go Kenobi)
Bill-Gon Jinn: What's wrong with you?
Frog-Go Kenobi: I don't know. I think something bad about to happened.
Bill-Gon: I sense nothing; at least, not in the Force, anyway.
Frog-Go: Not here, you fool! Somewhere else!
Bill-Gon: Just keep your mind here, so it doesn't wander too much.
Frog-Go: Ok, first can I put on my hat?
Bill-Gon: What? Oh, Go right ahead.
(Frog-Go then puts on his trademark hat)
Frog-Go: How long are they making us wait?
Bill-Gon: Not too long, I hope. But these Soviets are jerks, not to mention sissies. We
won't talk to them long.
(We cut to the bridge of the ship, where the Soviets are doing stuff, like watching the
monitors, or goofing off, or etc. Karl Marx is there, along with his friend Engels from
"Communuts!". Leon Trotsky, from "Russian Revolution", is also there,
along with HL00. Engels and Leon are dressed in Trade Federation clothing)
HL00: From their clothing and accent, I can tell that the ambassadors are Jedi.
Leon Trotsky: I knew it! They are here to bug us until we reach a settlement.
Marx: Let's not freak out here. That's the most insane thing I had ever heard. Just
distract them until I call Lord Crookilious.
Leon: No way! They'll probably beat me up if I go in there! I will sent the droid!
(Back in waiting room)
Frog-Go: I'm getting impatient, here! When are they going to get here?!
Bill-Gon: Now, now, Frog-Go. Patience is a virtue.
Frog-Go: It's a stupid lesson that would never make it on a TV show.
(HL00 appears with tea and stuff like that)
HL00: Anyone wants a cup of tea?
Frog-Go: I'm not British, madam!
HL00: Oh my.
(Return to bridge. The bad guys are there. A hologram appears. It's a cloaked image so
you probably couldn't tell who it is, except for the name.)
Leon: Lord Crookilious, this scheme of yours has failed. While the orbit is finished,
we can't go against the Jedi. They'll beat us up!
Darth Crookilious: Viceroy, I don't want this accent-speaking freak in my sight again.
Darth Crookilious: This turn of events is bad. The process must be stepped up. Begin
landing your troops, Viceroy.
Marx: My lord, is that legal?
Darth Crookilious: Look, if the queen signed the treaty, it will be legal.
Marx: Ok, what about the Jedi?
Darth Crookilious: That stupid chancellor. He shouldn't have sent them here to begin
with. Destroy them both.
Marx: Yes, sir.
(Cut to hanger. The plane is still there. Then, a huge gun that looks like Tesla's
Death Ray appeared out of nowhere and aimed at the ship. The pilots turn and freak out
when they saw that they're going to be fired at.)
Woman: What the...?!
(The Death Ray fired and destroyed the ship. Cut to other room. Frog-Go and Bill-Gon
heard the noise and stand up and pull out their lightsabers. HL00 looked surprise. They
looked around with mean looks. They ignite the lightsabers, and wait for a moment. Then,
the vents in the room start spewing out green gas)
Bill-Gon: It's gas!
Frog-Go: And smelly ones at that!
Bill-Gon: Quick, hold your breath!
(Both heroes hold their breaths; cut to outside the room the Battle Soviets are going
to. They are holding blasters. They stopped in front of the doorway. A hologram of Marx
Marx: They are either dead or my watch stopped. Either way, destroy what's left.
(The doors open. A chord plays as the droids levels their weapons. Hl00 then walks out)
HL00: Oh, excuse me!
Battle Soviet Leader: Corporal, check it out! We'll cover you.
Battle Soviet: Roger, roger.
(Then, a green glow and a blue glow appears out of nowhere)
B. S. Leader: Uh oh, crap. Blast them!
(The Soviets shoot, but their shots were reflected back at them. Bill-Gon and Frog-Go
ran out. Bill-Gon destroys three with one swing. Frog-Go twirls his around and destroys
the last four. QC to bridge as alarms goes off all around)
Marx: What's going on?
(A Russian who looks like Vladimir Lenin looks up)
Vladimir Lenin: We lost the transmission, sir!
Engels Ruuko: Had you ever encounter a Jedi before, Marx?
Marx: Never before, and I don't intend to now! Quick, shut the doors!
(We see Bill-Gon and Frog-Go running down the hall, destroying Soviets along the way.
They come to the door)
Bill-Gon: They sealed off the bridge!
Frog-Go: Well, get it open!
(Bill-Gon shoves his lightsaber and starts to make a large hole. Frog-Go bounces the
last few shots at the last few Soviets. QC to bridge. The Russians notices that they are
cutting their way in)
Engels: Yikes, they're getting through! Close the blast doors!
(A bunch of Soviet-marked doors closes around the first ones. Return to outside the
bridge. Bill-Gon stops cutting for a moment)
Frog-Go: What's wrong?
Bill-Gon: They shut the blast doors. But don't worry!
(Bill-Gon yanks out his lightsaber, and shoves it right into the center. He starts
making a hole in the blast doors. QC to bridge)
Marx: They're still coming through!
Engels: Where're those destroyers?!
(QC to outside. A pair of droids that looked like KGB agents rolled down the hall
toward the Jedi. Both wear strange-looking belts)
Frog-Go: Look! Destroyers!!
(Bill-Gon stopped what he's doing and noticed the droids and quickly stands next to
Frog-Go. The KGB Destroyers stop rolling, unroll and shoots at them. The Jedi starts
repelling, but there's shields protecting the droids.)
Frog-Go: They're heavily shielded!
Bill-Gon: Quick! Let's run for it!
(Both Jedi turns and takes off using a weird speed. The destroyers start following
after them. Return to bridge, where Karl and Engels are viewing a monitor)
Engels: The KGB Destroyers are making a hit-and-run at them!
Marx: Yes, but where are the Jedi?
Lenin: They're in some shaft!
(Cut to hangar. Both Bill-Gon and Frog-Go got out of the ventilation shaft between two
rows of crates. They look out and notice a row of transports, which looks like Soviet
airplanes, and rows of Soviets are in line to get on)
Bill-Gon: (whisper) They're loading up? That's strange.
Frog-Go: (also in whisper) That must means they are going to attack, Bill-Gon.
Bill-Gon: We must get down to Naboo right away.
Frog-Go: How can we do that?
Bill-Gon: We each sneak aboard on a different Soviet airplane, then we regroup once we
Frog-Go: Gotcha. But you were right about on one thing, master.
(Bill-Gon looks at Frog-Go, puzzled)
Frog-Go: The negotiations are short.
Bill-Gon: Let just get on. And keep your wisecracks to yourself, okay?
(QC backed to bridge. Lenin turns to Karl and Engels)
Lenin: Sir, we got a transmission from the planet!
Engels: Put it on screen.
(An image on a large screen thingy appears. A girl that looks like Charity Bazaar but
in Queen Amidala clothing is on the image.)
Marx: It's Queen Bazaidala. Maybe this time we got results. (Turns to screen) What you
got to say, your royal highness?
Bazaidala: You won't be pleased when I get it out. I heard that the Chancellor's
ambassadors on board. Your blockade is...
Marx: What ambassadors?
Bazaidala: Didn't the Chancellor...?
Marx: I don't know any ambassadors? Do you, Engels?
Engels: No way! We don't know any ambassadors we were trying to kill.
Bazaidala: Fine, I'll accept that. But mind you, the Federation has gone too far this
time! And if you make me unhappy...
Marx: Don't worry. We won't do anything that will upset you or the Senate. (We see his
fingers behind him cross)
Bazaidala: (frowning) We'll see.
(The images disappears)
Engels: She's right, you know. The Senate will....
Marx: The Senate will do nothing! All we had to do is jam their communications so they
can't call for help.
(Shot of all the Russian Space Stations around the planet shredding out huge Soviet
planes. All of them enter the planet's atmosphere. QC to landing in a forest clearing. The
forest looks like the one in "When America Was Young". We cut to opening, and
Battle Soviets are out either walking or on the scooters thingys like the ones from Looney
Tunes. Soviet tanks are coming out of the planes, and they are out emptying the Battle
Soviets. One Battle Soviet is talking to a hologram of Karl and Engels)
Marx: The Jedi had either disappear or they aren't on the ship. My guess is that they
stolen away on one of your planes.
B. Soviet: If they're down here sir, we'll find them.
Engels: Be careful. These Jedi are not to be annoyed.
(QC to a huge Soviet tank that's running through the woods like mad. Squirrels and
other wildlife flee from it. Bill-Gon is among them, running like heck. As this is
happening, the shot goes forward. A guy who looks like Toast except he looks more like a
duck is standing there, looking at the stampede like an idiot. Suddenly, he sees the tank
Duck: Whoa, dude!
Bill-Gon: Get out of the way!
(Bill-Gon then crashes into the duck and both fell down. Bill-Gon fell right on top on
him. The tank passes by, and soon the woods are calm again. Bill-Gon got up and walks
away. The duck also got up and follows him.)
Duck: Whoa, dude! Thanks!
Bill-Gon: Are you crazy?! You almost got me killed!
Duck: Aw, don't be mad, dude! You saved my life!
Duck: So I am your humble servant. It's demanded by the gods.
Bill-Gon: I don't like slavery.
Duck: But sir!
(Suddenly, Frog-Go is heard yelling. He begins to run toward Bill-Gon and the duck. A
Soviet on a scooter was shooting at him. Bill-Gon took out his lightsaber, turns it on,
and bounces shot back at Soviet, destroying it.)
Duck: Whoa, dude! You saved my life again!
Bill-Gon: Actually, I was saving Frog-Go.
Frog-Go: Who is this creature anyway?
Duck: Oh, my name is To-To Binks.
Frog-Go: That's a lame name if I say so myself.
Bill-Gon: Very lame.
To-To Binks: But my buddies called me Toast because they don't like me.
Bill-Gon: Good, I'll call you Toast, but only because I still find To-To annoying.
Bill-Gon: We got to go before more Soviets arrive.
(Bill-Gon and Frog-Go begins to walk off)
Toast: What?! There's more?!
(Toast runs after them)
Toast: Excuse me, dudes. But I think the only safe place is Gungan City. It is hidden
and under the water.
(Bill-Gon and Frog-Go stopped)
Bill-Gon: A hidden city?
Bill-Gon: Then I think we should go there.
(Toast looks nervous)
Toast: On second thought, forget it.
Frog-Go: And why not?
Toast: Dude, I was banished there. If I go back, the Gungans will beat me up!
Frog-Go: Oh yeah? Well, like we say before, there are more Soviets coming. If they
catch us, they will not only beat us up, they'll kill us, and you too.
(Toast looks nervous again)
Toast: I get the picture. Follow me.
(Toast points in one direction, and walked off screen. Frog-Go and Bill-Gon follows)
(Scene QC goes to Capital City of Naboo. It looks like Burbank with a few arches added
in. In the back, is a huge version of the White House that's on a waterfall, which we
called Theed Palace. We QC to inside. The queen is sitting in her throne, with people that
looked like several Histeria! characters sitting around also in Star Wars clothing. In the
middle of the room is some sort of hologram that looks like Richard M. Nixon, also in Star
Senator Nixonstine: The negotiations haven't started because the ambassadors aren't
there? But I was sure the Chancellor told me that they were there already!
(The Hologram fizzles in and out and finally disappears.)
Queen Bazaidala: Senator Nixonstine?
(She turns to the head of the guards, whose looks like George Washington)
Queen Bazaidala: What happened?
Captain Washanka: The hologram disappears.
Queen Bazaidala: (annoyed) I know that! I meant how did it disappear?
Captain Washanka: It either the fact that we are using the wrong batteries...
Queen Bazaidala: Nope. Couldn't be that.
Captain Washanka:...or maybe those Soviets are jamming us.
(One of the officials who looked like Thomas Jefferson speaks up)
Governor Jefferson: I knew it! They are planning an invasion!
Bazaidala: That couldn't be. The Senate wouldn't be happy.
Washanka: Not to mention that they will take away their trading licenses.
Bazaidala: The best thing to do is to be diplomatic. (Jefferson frowns)
Jefferson: And how on planet Naboo are we going to do that? They jammed our
Washanka: Your highness, if there is going to be an invasion, I doubt we will be able
to stop them.
Bazaidala: Why's that?
Washanka: (nervous) Well, we never been in battle before, so we never been in training.
I mean look at them.
(We cut to the guards, playing a game of Go Fish.)
Guard #1: You got any queens?
Guard #2: Go Fish.
(We cut back to others)
Bazaidala: (sighs) I'm not happy.
(Scene QC to forest again, where Bill-Gon,
Frog-Go and To-To (I mean Toast!) are coming to a pond)
Bill-Gon: This is the place?
Toast: Gad, dude! But I must warn you. They don't like outsiders!
Frog-Go: Don't worry; they wouldn't hurt us like they'll hurt you.
Toast: (gulps and sighs)
(He dives into the pond. Bill-Gon and Frog-Go puts on some sort of diving thingy and
dives in after him. Long story short, they arrived at the city that's in some sort of
bubble. It looks like the area of the palace from "Histeria Around The World I".
The people here looks like Huns, Vikings, and creeps you mostly find in Histeria! Most of
them are riding on elephants.)
Toast: All right! I'm home!
(Suddenly, one of the Gungans that look like the Hannibal from "Wheel of
History" riding on an elephant goes over to them.)
Gungan: Hey, what do you think your doing here?! You were banished!
Toast: Whoa, mellow out, dude!
Gungan: Don't tell me to "mellow out." You're going to the boss, Toast.
You're in big doo-doo this time!
(QC to Lydia Karaoke, frowning)
Lydia: We're going to get letters.
(QC to another scene. This time, the Jedi is standing before the council of Gungans.
Toast is behind them, being held by several Gungans. We heard a Rob Paulsen voice)
Rob Paulsen voice: And now your hosts, the leaders of the Gungans...Boss Hun and The
(For those who seen the "Attila and the Hun" sketch, you know the drill. So
I'll skip the song. The hosts look just like Attila the Hun and the Cher look-alike from
"Tribute to Tyrants". Both wear funky clothes.)
The Gungan: Like I say before, if he isn't destroying hearts, he is destroying another
Boss Hun: Your going to get it again!
The Gungan: I'm so shaky. Anyway, let take a look at our audience.
(They noticed the Jedi.)
Boss Hun: Grr...Why you here? You no can be here.
The Gungan: He said why are you here? You are not allowed here.
Bill-Gon: Oh. We are kinda struck. We were supposed to be ambassadors on the Soviet
Union Trade Federation until they tried to kill us and we had to escape. Toast led us
here. But now the Trade Federation is going to attack the Naboo.
Boss Hun: Grr...we no like Naboo. They think we dumb.
(The Jedi look confused again.)
The Gungan: He said we don't like them. They think we're dumb.
(NOTE: Throughout this scene, The Gungan is translating for Boss Hun)
(Frog-Go whispers to Bill-Gon)
Frog-Go: I think the dumbest person on any planet is smarter then this guy. He can't
even say a sentence right.
Bill-Gon: Behave yourself, Frog-Go.
(He turns back to Boss Hun...and the Gungan.)
Bill-Gon: If your not going to help, we'll be on our way. We need a transport to get
the Naboo right away.
(Boss Hun thought for a minute.)
Boss Hun: Grr...me give Subo. Fast way to Naboo through...
(The Dum-Dum-Dum sound effect is heard as we hear the next part)
Boss Hun:...planet core! Now...go.
The Gungan: He said that he'll give the Subo and the fastest way is through the planet
Frog-Go: Thanks I guess. (Turns to Bill-Gon) What on
Naboo is a Subo?
Bill-Gon: A transport I hope.
(They turn to leave. Toast calls after them)
Toast: Whoa dudes! Help me out here!
Bill-Gon: On second thought, the core might be dangerous. We'll have to get help to go
Frog-Go: Are you suggesting that we take him along?
Bill-Gon: It's worth the try. (Turns to the bosses again) What's to become of young
Boss Hun: He is to be...punished. Broke don't come back law. (Brings out axe) He'll be
chopped to bits!
Bill-Gon: I hate to say this, but I save this young Gungan's life. So your gods say
that he belong to me now.
(Boss Hun thought again.)
Boss Hun: Begone with him!
(The Gungans let Toast go. You can probably guess what he means.)
Toast: Oh right! Thanks dudes!
Bill-Gon: Come on. We'll have to be at the core before the Trade Federation attacks.
(Bill-Gon and Frog-Go walk off-screen. Toast follows, but suddenly freezes when he
realizes where he's going.)
Toast: The planet's core?! Bummer.
(We cut to outside of one of those bubble thingys. A ship takes looks like a submarine
from "The Wheel of History" pops out. It turns and starts to down, away from the
city. We go to inside. Frog-Go and Toast is in the front seat, while Bill-Gon is in the
Toast: By the way, thanks for helping me out there, dudes.
Frog-Go: Uh, you're welcome. By the way, why were you banished anyway?
(Toast looks nervous)
Toast: Well, dudes. It happen by the fact that I am, well, sort of clumsy.
Frog-Go: They banished you because you were clumsy?
Toast: Well it started a few days ago...
(While Toast was talking, we cut to outside the Subo. A creature that looks like a
whale from "The Dawn of Time" awakes up and begins to start after the ship
intending to eat it. While it does, we go back to inside the ship.)
Toast:...and after I spilled coffee on the satellite dish and made the bosses miss a
very important sporting event, Boss Hun got mad and had me kicked out.
Bill-Gon: I say. If that happened to me, I'll be...
(He was cut off as the whale creature grabs the ship with his huge tongue. As it does,
everyone inside the ship scream. Fortunately a creature that looks like the one from
"Return to Rome" appeared out of nowhere and eats the whale. In the confusion,
the ship was released and it speeds away as fast as it can. Everyone inside calm down.)
Bill-Gon: Well, there's always a bigger fish.
Frog-Go: If we encountered something bigger than that, I may go whoopsies.
Toast: Bizarre, dude. Where to now?
Frog-Go: My instincts. They tell me to...go into that cave.
(The ship turns and goes into a cavern nearby. The scene cuts back to the bridge of the
Trade Federation ship. Marx and Engels are there talking to the hologram of Darth
Darth Crookilious: Everything is going as planned I presume?
Marx: Certainly my dear sir! In a few minutes or so, we'll have control of the planet.
Darth Crookilious: Make sure nothing else goes wrong.
(The hologram fades out.)
Engels: Say, shouldn't we tell him about the missing Jedi?
Marx: Are you crazy? And let him beat us up? Let's worry about taking over the planet.
Then we'll worry about the Jedi.
(We go back to the sub in the cave. The Subo is still going through it.)
Toast: Where are we now?
(Before the Jedi answers, the power of the ship went out, except for a few emergency
ones. Everyone looks worried. When the ship stops, Toast panicked.)
Toast: Oh man! We are doomed!
Bill-Gon: Calm down, Toast!
Toast: Ask me if I care.
Bill-Gon: (sighs) Do you care?
Toast: Nope! The only thing I am caring about right now is trying to stay alive!
(While they were talking, Frog-Go was working on the ship. Suddenly a spark shouts out)
Frog-Go: Hey, I got it working!
(The lights came back on. The three suddenly see a creature that looks like the piranha
fish from "More Explorers". As usual, everyone freaks out.)
Piranha Fish: Yummy!
(Frog-Go quickly turns the Subo around. The sub manages to swerve around the fish, but
then it comes after them. They immediately keep shooting down the cave. The exit started
to appear at the end.)
Bill-Gon: We are almost out!
(The Subo came closer, but then the "Return to Rome" creature from earlier
appears, waiting to eat them.)
Frog-Go: Look out!!!
(The ships turn the moment it got out. It narrowly escaped the jaw of the creature
whose instead clamps down on the Piranha Fish. The three heroes escape. We go back to
Bill-Gon: At least that other fish isn't bigger.
Toast: Dude, that was scary!
(Frog-Go looks up)
Frog-Go: Look! There's light over us! We're almost to the surface!
(Scene cuts to Naboo. We now see a bunch of Battle Soviets and Soviet tanks are now
swarming the city, not to mention speeders. Soviet fighters are also swarming the skies.
We go into the palace, and it shows Queen Bazaidala looking out, and then looking down in
defeat. We then go to transport landing outside. Marx and Engels come out of the ship,
where a Battle Soviet Leader is greeting them.)
Battle S. Leader: The area is secure. We've captured the palace and the Queen.
Marx: Good. Everything is going well according to Dar...I mean OUR plan.
(QC to a lake outside the palace. The Subo emerges from the water. Once out, a hatch on
either side of the sub opens up and the Jedi and Toast got out. They noticed what's going
on, and they sneak into the alleys. We cut to a stairway in Theed Palace. Marx is walking
with Queen Bazaidala, Captain Washanka, Governor Jefferson, a few royal guards (that still
looks like American colonists of course), and all of the Queen's handmaidens. They are
surrounded by Battle Soviets. The captives are the same except for two things: One the
queen now looks like the World's Oldest Woman in Queen Amidala clothing and one of the
handmaidens looks like Charity Bazaar.)
Washanka: You are not going to get away with this, you know.
Marx: Of course we will! All we have to do is to get the Queen to sign the treaty so
our invasion is legal, as well as eating all the poor's food!
Bazaidala: No way! I'm NOT going to agree!
Marx: Ha! Once you see how your people are being treated, you'll have no choice but to
(He looks to a Battle Soviet Leader.)
Marx: Captain, process them.
Governor Jefferson: Hey! Watch it buddy! This is a Kids WB parody!
Marx: Okay, How about "Captain, take them to the nearest death camp?"
Governor Jefferson: That's better.
(Some of the Soviets and Marx stay, while the others are being taken away. We QC to the
Jedi and Toast running on an upper archway. They notice the Queen and the rest of the
prisoners below. Bill-Gon and Frog-Go quickly take out their lightsabers and jump to the
bottom. Quickly, they start destroying the Battle Soviets. Toast also jumps down but trips
and landed on his head.)
(Bill-Gon waves his hand, smashing two Soviets doing so. Toast join the Jedi, as they
are meeting with the others.)
Bill-Gon: Come on! There will be more coming I bet.
(The Jedi leaded the group away. Washanka and the guards picked up the discard weapons.
After running through some alleyways, they finally arrive at the hangar where ships are
being kept. Bill-Gon takes a peek inside and we see a bunch of people being held hostage
by Battle Soviets. He turns back to the Queen.)
Bill-Gon: Your majesty, we are the ambassadors Chancellor Confucius has sent.
Governor Jefferson: Great. Whatever you say probably made the Soviets mad.
Bill-Gon: They tried to kill us before we say anything to them. The best thing we can
do now is to go back to Coruscant and convinced the Senate to help us. It would probably
be best if the Queen comes with us.
Bazaidala: Look, buddy! I'll have to stay here so my people wouldn't get hurt!
Bill-Gon: Are you crazy?! They'll kill you!
Washanka: They can't! They need her to sign a treaty so they won't get sued!
Bill-Gon: Yeah right! They'll probably kill her and forged the treaty in the process.
Something tells me something more evil than them is responsible but I don't know whom!
Bazaidala: Maybe. Say, does anyone tell you you're kinda cute?
Bill-Gon: No and don't even try. Please you must come with us.
Governor Jefferson: It's probably best anyway. Senator Nixonstine might need your help.
Bazaidala: Either choice presents much danger...(looks to handmaidens)...to us all.
New Girl: We're brave, your highness.
Bazaidala: Well, I'm not! I'll rather go than stay here and die!
Governor Jefferson: In that case, we must split up! I'll stay here with some of the
handmaidens to try to retain order.
(The group agrees and The Jedi and the rest (except for Governor Jefferson and some
handmaidens) went inside the hangar. Inside the hangar, they walked to the captured
people. Around the hangar, there are ships that look like Ford's automobile from
"Better Living Through Science" only with big hoods that are parked everyone. A
big silver ship is taking up most of the room. Washanka points to the captures)
Washanka: We need to free those pilots so we can get out of here.
Bill-Gon: Leave it to me.
(The Jedi step up to a Battle Soviet leader.)
Battle Soviet Leader: Halt. What's your presence here?
Bill-Gon: We are taking this group to Coruscant. We need those pilots.
B. S. Leader: Coruscant does not compute.
Bill-Gon: I said give us the pilots for Coruscant.
B. S. Leader: Coruscant does not compute.
Bill-Gon: (angrily) Coruscant, you stupid jerk!
B. S. Leader: Coruscant does not compute, Stupid jerk does not compute.
(Frog-Go brightens up a bit.)
Frog-Go: I got a funny idea.
(He steps forward.)
Frog-Go: I said my behind.
B. S. Leader: My behind does not compute.
(Frog-Go and Bill-Gon laugh)
Bill-Gon: THAT'S a good idea! Let me try! I said my you-know-what area!
B. S. Leader: My you-know-what area does not compute.
(Everyone except the droids laugh)
Toast: Dude, I said my love life.
B. S. Leader: My love l...Hey, wait a minute! You are all under arrest!
(The Jedi pulls out their lightsabers, and quickly start destroying and knocking out
Soviets. Since they are doing it so quickly, no droid is able to fight back. After enough
are clear enough for the guards to start shooting, Bill-Gon turns to the pilots.)
Bill-Gon: Here's your chance! Get moving!
(The pilots quickly rise. Five of them run to the big silver ship thingy, as do the
rest of the guards, the Queen, and Toast. The Jedi destroyed the last of the Soviets, and
follow after the others. Inside, Bill-Gon goes to the front of the ship with the pilots.
Frog-Go stays back with Toast for a moment.)
Frog-Go: Stay in this room and don't get into any trouble.
Toast: Says you!
(Frog-Go turns and goes to the bridge as well. Toast looks around to see where he is.
There are four R-units droids here. Three of them look normal while the last one looks
like Big Fat Baby in R2-D2 clothing. We QC to the bridge. The main pilot is sitting in the
pilot's seat. He looks like Dwight D. Eisenhower in pilot's clothing. Bill-Gon runs over
to him and hunches over his seat.)
Bill-Gon: We must get going!
Ike Olle: Yes sir!
(Ike starts the ship and moves it forward. We cut to the ship shooting out of the
hangar at light (or hyper, luciscious, or whatever) speed, then blasted into space. Soon,
it is out of the atmosphere and cutting through space quickly. It approached the Russian
Space Stations. We go back to the bridge and Frog-Go is now there. They see where they're
Bill-Gon: We must go through the blockade in order to get out.
Ike: I just hope the shields don't go out on us!
(A pilot activates the shield. QC to outside. The nearest Russian Space Station that's
in front of them open fire and lasers are hitting the ship. One of the shots explodes into
the wing. We go back to bridge.)
Ike: Blast! The shield's generator's hit!
(We cut back to rear of the ship. The droids immediately go into action. Toast look
surprised and notices that they move to some sort of elevator in the back of the room.
They all shot up, the BFB droid is the last to go. We cut to deck of the ship as it
rockets through space. The Big Fat Baby droid misses one of the shots, and heads to where
the droids are working on the blasted wing. One of the droids is blasted away by another
laser blast. The BFB droid goes over and starts working. We QC to the bridge. Frog-Go is
viewing the droids on a television monitor. He notices another droid getting blast,
leaving only the BFB droid and another droid is left standing.)
Frog-Go: We are down to two droids.
Bill-Gon: We need thirty more seconds to get past that ship.
Ike: I will have to try to maneuver it. But I'm not sure I'll do it in time!
(QC backed to wing. The other droid gets blown away, leaving only the BFB droid. It
turns it head, noticing that it's nearly to the enemy ship. It turns back to the damage
and does, uh, very offense. We QC to the Russian Space Station bridge; One of the Russians
Russian: Ugh! Something smells horrible!
(The Russian as well as everyone in the bridge passes out. We go back to the bridge of
the silver ship. Most people that are there look puzzled, but Frog-Go is excited.)
Frog-Go: That droid prevented that ship from firing on us with...whatever he just did!
Bill-Gon: Really? In that case, we're saved!
(He turns back to Ike)
Bill-Gon: We must get to Coruscant at once.
Ike: Two problems: 1.The hyperdrive's leaking and 2. (Gets ups) I had to go to the
(He ran off to the bathroom.)
Bill-Gon: Rats and gross.
(QC to Queen's special throne room. Washanka, Bill-Gon, Frog-Go, the Queen, her
maidens, and the BFB droid, which is dirty, are there. Washanka is talking.)
Washanka:...and then this droid has done something "offensive" and made the
ship stopped firing. He saved our lives.
Bazaidala: That's good (and gross). What is its name?
R2-PU: Poopie...beep whirr...Barf.
Bazaidala: (sniffs) Pee U! I guess that's why he's called that! When's the last time
that droid has an oil change?!
Washanka: Remember when Chancellor Confucius began his career?
Washanka: Before that.
(She turns to the new handmaiden.)
Bazaidala: Do me a favor and clean this droid okay?
Little Girl: Yes your highness. (Sighs) I'm not happy.
(Bill-Gon steps forward.)
Bill-Gon: Your highness, we had bad news. The hyperdrive is leaking from our escape. We
need to land somewhere to repair. The closest planet is Tatooine.
Washanka: I think he's crazy, your highness! That planet is rule by the Caesars! If
they find out you're there...
(Bill-Gon turns to him)
Bill-Gon: They won't. They're not even looking for her. We'll park outside of town and
I'll take R2-PU and the Gungan with me.
Washanka: Okay, but I still say that this is a BAD idea.
(QC to one of the middle areas of the ship. The little girl handmaiden is cleaning up
R2-PU. Toast came in.)
Toast: Hello, dudette. Who are you?
Little Girl: Me? I'm Charde Nabiralla.
Toast: I'm To-To Binks, but call me Toast. That's okay, the Jedi does.
Charde Nabiralla: You're a Gungan, right?
Charde: I thought your kind hates us.
(Toast thinks for a moment)
Toast: Well, I don't. I don't see why the fuss is about you guys thinking we are dumb.
Charde: Well, we just thought you Gungans are vicious.
Toast: Whoa! Total misunderstanding there, dudette!
(We cut back to a meeting room in of the Russian Space Stations back on Naboo. Marx and
Engels are there, on opposite sides of the table. Sitting at the head of table is a
hologram of Darth Crookilious. The viceroy and Engels are very nervous)
Darth Crookilious: Has that queen signed the treaty yet?
Marx: Two problems your Excellency: 1.The Queen has vanished and 2.One ship got through
(Darth Crookilious frowns)
Darth Crookilious: That's so unfortunate. I want that treaty signed!
Marx: But sir! We don't know where they are! It's difficult for us to find them!
Darth Crookilious: Not for the Sith.
(Another figure appears. He has a devilish face of red and black, as well as horns. He
looks like Alexander the Great.)
Darth Crookilious: This is my apprentice, Darth Maul the Great. He will find your
Darth Maul the Great: Plus, prove that I'm still great!
(The hologram fades out. Marx and Engels turned to each other.)
Engels: This is getting WAY out of hand! Now there are two of them!
Marx: At least one thing comes out of all of it.
Marx: At least the Sith is now that ship's problem, my dear man.
Engels: Your weird, Marx.
Marx: I'm born this way.
(We QC to orbit of Tatoonie. The large ships come to it, and then entered the
atmosphere. It goes near the two cities, and landed right between them in some flat
valley. We go to inside to where Frog-Go and Bill-Gon is trying to fix the hyperdrive.
Bill-Gon is also wearing some sort of cloth poncho over his Jedi clothes.)
Frog-Go: Ike's right. The hyperdrive is busted...literally.
Bill-Gon: I hope I can afford it.
Frog-Go: Same here.
Bill-Gon: We must be careful. I sensed something strange and powerful here.
Frog-Go: I sensed something too.
Bill-Gon: Stay on guard and don't let anyone sent any transmissions.
(We cut to outside of the ship. Bill-Gon, Toast, and R2-PU are going through the desert
towards one of the cities.)
Voice behind them: Wait!
(The three stop and turn. Washanka is running toward them with Charde, who's now in
something more civilian. They stop.)
Washanka: Her highness requests you take her handmaiden with you.
Bill-Gon: Are you crazy?! The town we're going to is probably dangerous!
Charde: I can take care of myself if you don't mind.
Washanka: Please. So the Queen won't have a temper tantrum.
Bill-Gon: (sighs) Oh right. But this ALSO isn't a good idea.
(Washanka went back to the ship while Charde joined the others going into the city. We
QC to a little later. They are now walking into the streets of Mos Espa. There are a lot
of buildings, people, and aliens that looks like some of the characters from Histeria! To
keep it simple, its looks run down and badly clean.)
Bill-Gon: I think we should try one not so crowded.
R2-PU: Gaahh...beep beep whistle...poop.
(The quartet found a shop that says "Eaglo's Shop of Ships Parts and Other Useless
Stuff". They went inside. There's a bunch of stuff lying around. Sitting near the
counter is a creature that looks like the Eagle that speaks like John Wayne. He sees and
immediately flew over to them.)
Eaglo: Hello there, pilgrim. Welcome to my shop. May I help you?
Bill-Gon: Good day, kind, uh, creature. I need some parts for a J27 Plebian.
Eaglo: I think we had some. Hold on for a minute.
(He turns his head.)
Eaglo: Boy! Get in here!
(He turns back to Bill-Gon.)
Eaglo: You must excuse me for yelling. Sometimes it's hard to get good help these days.
(A kid comes in who (you guess it) looks like Loud Kiddington.)
Kid: YOU CALL ME EAGLO?
(Eaglo jumped up and hit the ceiling. When he came down, he's rubbing his head and look
angrily at the boy.)
Eaglo: I told you to stop that! Where were you?!
Kid: YOU TOLD ME TO CLEAN OUT THE BACK, OH RIGHT?! YOU ARE SUCH A GROUCH!
Eaglo: Ugh. Whatever. Just watch the store, willya? I have selling to do.
(He turns back to Bill-Gon.)
Eaglo: Follow me.
(Eaglo leads Bill-Gon out. While Bill-Gon is leaving, he made a statement to Toast.)
Bill-Gon: Behave yourself, okay?
(Bill-Gon left. Toast sticks his tongue out at Bill-Gon. He begins to look around. He
notices a machine that next to a collapsed, small droid. The boy notices Charde and walk
over and sit next to her.)
Kid: Are you an angel?
Kid: You must be an angel. They are supposed to be the most beautiful creatures in the
Charde: Thanks. You are kinda...strange for a kid. How long have you been here?
Kid: Since I can remember. We were sold to Cleo the Caesar but she lost us in a pod
Charde: Are you a slave?
(Dramatic chord plays)
Kid: I AM NOT A SLAVE! MY NAME IS ANAKIN!
(He calms down.)
Anakin: Sorry about that. Sometimes I am so strict. My name is Anakin Skywalker, but my
friends call me Loud because I sometimes yell.
Charde: That's okay. I like your name.
(Toast reaches over to turn on one machine. But then he accidentally bumps into one
droid turning it on. It springs up and knocked him down. Toast crawls away from the
Loud: HIT THE NOSE!
Toast: Oh, thanks.
(He waited until the droid is close then punches him hard...on the nose. The droid
Charde: That's so cool!
Loud: I AGREE!
(QC to the junkyard out back, where Eaglo and Bill-Gon are still talking.)
Eaglo: Well, like I said before, pilgrim, I had one of
those hyperdrive thingys. But it's had to cost you by
the way. How much do you got?
Bill-Gon: Will 22,000 Republic credits do?
Eaglo: Credits?! That won't work here! This is a Caesars planet!
Bill-Gon: That's all I had but...
(He waves his hand)
Bill-Gon: Credits will be ok.
Eaglo: No they won't.
(Bill-Gon looks surprised and then tries again.)
Bill-Gon: Credits will be ok.
Eaglo: And I said "No they won't!" Who do you think you are? Some sort of
Jedi? Those mind tricks won't work on me, buddy. Only money. Come back when you got some
real money and we can talk. And no one else in town has a hyperdrive like I do, mister.
(QC backed to the store. Loud and Charde and still talking and Toast is still wandering
around the store. Bill-Gon came back in.)
Bill-Gon: Time to go, people.
(He walks out with R2-PU and Toast following him. Charde is the last to go, still
talking to Loud.)
Charde: Bye, Loud!
Loud: Nice seeing you!
(She left, not noticing Loud with a dazed look on his face. Eaglo flies in,
interrupting his thoughts.)
Eaglo: That guy thinks that just because we don't live in the Republic, we are dumb.
Loud: I DON'T KNOW. HE AND HIS FRIENDS LOOK NICE TO ME.
Eaglo: Whatever. Just finish what you were doing, and get out of here for the rest of
(Loud cheers and runs into the back. QC to an alley in Mos Espa. Bill-Gon is talking
into some sort of communicator. The others are hanging around behind him.)
Bill-Gon: And he was right. No one else in town does have one of those hyperdrives. And
no one wants my money either.
(QC to Frog-Go at the ship.)
Frog-Go: All we had is some supplies and the Queen's wardrobe. (Notices something in
the Queen's wardrobe.) What the..? How does those things supposed to fit her?!
(We go back to alley.)
Bill-Gon: Nevermind. I am sure we can figure out something.
(He turns off radio.)
Toast: Dude! I am NOT going back out there! Those people are crazy!
Bill-Gon: Needless to say, we had nothing of valuable. So don't worry. We need to find
someone friendly to the Republic.
(The four of them go down the street. They passed by some sort of cafe. Toast notices
some sort of dead animal. (Don't ask!) Toast looks around for a moment, and grabs it. He
starts to pull it, but then the owner of the area, who looks like Basho, notices him.)
Vendor: Hey you kid!
Vendor: If you want that, you'll have to pay! (Pulls out sword) Steal and I'll make you
(Toast freaks out and let go of dead animal. Unfortunately it suddenly went flying
backward and into the cafe. It smacks into an odd looking alien who looks like Napoleon
Bonaparte. He started to get mad. Toast looks nervous and started to walk away. However,
the alien uses his arms to propel him and he smack into Toast, knocking him down. Once
he's down, the alien takes Toast's neck in one hand and holds the dead animal in the
Alien: Is this your, monsieur?
Toast: Uh, no dude.
Alien: Well, you don't mind if I shove it up your (French word for behind, but in a bad
(The alien was about to beat the heck out of him, when suddenly...)
Voice: Be carefully, Napoleba. He's an outlander.
(Napoleba looks up and notices Loud. He lets go of Toast, who was gasping in relief. He
walks to Loud.)
Napoleba: Well, well. If it isn't Eaglo's little slave, I can't wait to race again so I
can smash your (French word for behind but in a bad way again) in!
Loud: YOU ARE SUCH A FRENCH NUT!
(Napoleba shoves Toast down again and went back to the cafe, still holding onto the
dead animal. Bill-Gon, Charde, and R2-PU went over to Loud and Toast.)
Loud: Hello. Your friend was about to get his behind smash by a Dug, and a nasty French
dug named Napoleba.
Toast: Dude! I wasn't causing any trouble!
Bill-Gon: Needless to say, he's right. You were about to get smashed.
Charde: Thought that isn't a bad sight to see!
Toast: Says you, dudette!
(The four, Loud now joining them, walked out of the area. As they do, cameras go back
to Napoleba, who's pulling an Ozzy Osbourne on the rabbit. No more to see here. QC to a
bit later, where Loud is buying something from a booth while the others is waiting. The
vendor here looks like Emily Dickinson. After he got some fruit from here, he tugs on
Bill-Gon's leg. Bill-Gon looks down.)
Loud: Here. This is for you.
(He hands him the fruit.)
Bill-Gon: Thanks for your kindness.
(He put is away, lifting up the cloth pouncho enough for Loud to see his lightsaber.)
Loud: (thinks) Wow! He must be some sort of Jedi!
(The vendor looks around.)
Vendor: Uh oh, the wind is getting dusty. A sandstorm is coming. You better hurry home,
(He turns to the others.)
Loud: Do you guys got a place to stay?
Bill-Gon: We got a ship waiting outside.
(Loud looks worried.)
Loud: Too dangerous to go anywhere in this storm. Follow me.
(He walks off, motioning to the others. QC to a tiny house built into a larger
structure with smaller houses just like that. The five went inside as lot of sand is
blowing around. We cut to inside and the five begin to disperse. Loud went deeper into the
Loud: MOM! I'M HOME!
(Lyds Skywalker, mother of Loud, appears into the
room. It is, of course, Lydia Karaoke in Shmi
Lyds Skywalker: Glad to see you made it before the
storm got worse.
(She notices the others.)
Lyds: Excuse me...who are you people?
Bill-Gon: My name is Bill-Gon Jinn. Your son offered to let us stay through the storm.
(She looks down to Loud.)
Lyds: Loud, you shouldn't invite strangers into the house! They could be dangerous and
might be potty-mouth!
Loud: GEEZ, MOM! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO DO?! THERE'S A SANDSTORM OUT THERE! WHAT A
(Lyds sighed and looks back to the others.)
Lyds: I guess you can stay for dinner. Sorry about me freaking out liked that.
Bill-Gon: Apology accepted.
(Loud suddenly takes Charde's hand.) Loud: Come on! Come see the new droid I built!
(They both walk off screen. R2-PU decides to follow them. QC to Loud's room. He went
over to a wall near sheet covering something. He removes and we see it is some sort of
protocol droid. It looks like Father Time, except he's missing an eye.)
Charde: Wow! What is it?
Loud: It is a helper droid to help Mom.
Charde: He's neat.
(Loud turns droid on. The droid came to life and leans up a bit.)
Droid: Hey! What the...?! I'm blind!
Loud: Oops. How embarrassing.
(He grabs a robot eye from his dresser and puts it in droid's empty eye socket. It
Droid: That's better. I'm C-OLD, human/cyborg/time relations.
Charde: He's perfect...just like his creator.
(Loud blushes, Charde didn't notice. C-Old started to get up and try to walk, but is
unstable and shaking since his legs is incomplete.)
C-OLD: What is going on here? Am I getting too old?
(He sees R2-PU.)
C-OLD: Hello. Who are you?
R2-PU: Gah Gah...beep beep whirr...gah.
(Since he's a protocol droid, C-OLD understands him.)
C-OLD: R2-PU, huh? Nice to meet you, I bet.
R2-PU: Gaah...beep honk...poof.
C-OLD: Wait a minute, what do you I'm naked?!
R2-PU: Poofie...whir whir honk...pee.
C-OLD: My parts is showing?! Dang! I need a robe!
(We cut back to the Queen's throne room on the ship. She's there with Frog-Go, her
handmaidens, and Captain Washanka. They are viewing a hologram of Governor Jefferson.)
Governor Jefferson: The deaths and everything else, I can't remember what, are very
catastrophic! More people are suffering from infections than from torture devices! Don't
ask what they used on me! I already surrendered to them but they need you to contact them
to turn over control! You must contract me, before they get 'it' out again!
(The hologram disappears. Frog-Go gets up and speak.)
Frog-Go: Don't sent any transmissions! It's probably a Soviet trick to find and capture
Washanka: You don't to yell, huh? That's pretty wild stuff.
(QC to the Skywalker household, while the storm is still going in. Everyone is still at
the table. While everyone is eating, Bill-Gon and Charde is talking to Lyds and Loud.)
Bill-Gon: How did you guys become slaves, by the way?
Lyds: It happened due to the fact that I tried to censor one of the Caesars. It's
against the law to do that. My son Loud here was born after I was sold.
Charde: I don't get it. The Republic doesn't allowed slavery.
Lyds: Sadly, the Republic doesn't exist out here. We must survive on our own.
Loud: LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
Lyds: Loud! Stopped yelling at the table!
Loud: Sorry. Have any of you guys seen a pod race?
Bill-Gon: I had seen a lot of them. Why do you ask?
Lyds: Oh, my son has a lot of skill and good reflexes to boot. Because of them, Eaglo
sometimes make him drive his pod racer in the pod races on Tatooine. He loves doing it,
but I can't stand them. They are bad influence on children.
Charde: That's so awful!
Lyds: (sighs) Tell me about it.
Toast: Okay, slavery is very...
Lyds: (angrily) I don't mean that literally!
(Loud looks to Bill-Gon)
Loud: Can I ask you a question?
Bill-Gon: Sure go right ahead.
Loud: Are you a Jedi?
(Bill-Gon suddenly froze.)
Bill-Gon: What...what made you think that?
(Loud points to belt.)
Loud: You got one of those lightsabers. Only Jedi carries those.
Bill-Gon: Maybe I killed a Jedi and stole it.
Loud: Nope. Jedi can't be killed, at least that what I been told.
Bill-Gon: If only that's so simple.
Loud: You had to be a Jedi, why else are you here?
Bill-Gon: Fine. If I tell you both this you must promised you don't tell anyone.
Loud and Lyds: Got it.
Bill-Gon: Okay, I'm a Jedi. I am here with a handmaiden, a droid, and a Gungan who
wouldn't care less.
Toast: And I still wouldn't care less.
Bill-Gon: Whatever. We had to get to Coruscant right away to save a planet.
Loud: But why are you here?
Charde: Our ship is busted and we need the parts to
(Loud gets a worried look.)
Toast: Problem is that jerk Eaglo won't take our credits.
(Loud then gets an idea.)
Loud: Can I make a suggestion?
Loud: I can help get the parts you need.
Bill-Gon: How so?
Loud: There's pod race at Boonta Eve tomorrow! I can drive the pod racer I am building!
Lyds: Now Loud, you know Eaglo won't let you.
Loud: Eaglo doesn't know I made it. They can enter it and claimed it is theirs. I can
win the race to get the money you guys need!
Lyds: Even so, you might get killed in that race tomorrow!
Toast: Just let him race, you stupid..
(Bill-Gon sighs, interrupting him.)
Bill-Gon: No Toast.
Bill-Gon: We can't endanger their lives while we are here. We'll have to find another
way to get the money. Is there anyone here who's friendly to the Republic?
(Lyds sighs and shakes her head.)
(Loud looks worried. He turns back to Lyds. Sad music begins to play.)
Loud: Mom, you say that the only thing that's missing in this universe is people help
out every once in a while.
(There is a sad moment while Lyds is sympathetic and regretful. The other three watch
in earnest. After a long period of time, Charde speaks up.)
Charde: Look, I'm sure Bill-Gon wouldn't want to endanger your son's life. (Thinks) I
Lyds: No. (sighs) I know I'm going to regret this, but I can't stand a planet's
destruction more. Even though it's going to break my heart to see him in the race, he can
help you. He was meant to help you.
(There's a brief pause after that line.)
Toast: Ask Me if I Care.
Lyds: About what?
Toast: About that line you just say.
Lyds: (sighs) Do you care?
Toast: No way! Wouldn't care less!
Bill-Gon: (frowning) That's so mean, Toast.
Loud: WHAT A NUT!
(QC to outside Eaglo's shop a little later. The storm is now over. Bill-Gon, Toast,
Charde, and Loud are walking back. Loud went in ahead of Bill-Gon. The Jedi was about to
get in when a call from Charde stopped him.)
Charde: Are you sure about this? I mean putting our faith in a boy we hardly know? The
Queen wouldn't be happy.
Bill-Gon: I don't think the Queen will mind.
Charde: Well I'm not happy.
(Bill-Gon ignored her and went in. QC to inside. Loud is in the background while Eaglo
is flying towards Bill-Gon.)
Eaglo: The youngster says you want to sponsor him in the race tomorrow at Bonna Eve.
How can you pay the fee? Not on credits, I bet.
(Bill-Gon pulls out some sort of handheld device and turns it on. The hologram of the
Bill-Gon: I'll use the value of my ship to pay for the fee.
Eaglo: That might work, except for one thing. The boy smashed his pod in the last race
and he's still trying to work off its fix.
Loud: HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT! NAPOLEBA FLASHES ME WITH HIS VENTS! I SAVED MOST OF THE
POD, SO GIVE ME A BREAK WILLYA?! YOU ARE JUST A GROUCH!
(Eaglo cringes a little.)
Eaglo: I guess I can try to believe that. The kid's a pretty good racer.
Bill-Gon: Well, your pod problem is solved. I happened to come across a pod and will
enter it in the race tomorrow. It's the fastest ever built.
Eaglo: I hope you didn't kill anyone I know for it.
Bill-Gon: No, why do you ask?
Eaglo: Because I was planning on whacking some guy for his pods for months now. Ok, you
supply the pod and the fee and I'll supply the kid. We'll split, oh say, 50-50?
Bill-Gon: That's so wrong!
Eaglo: Ok, Ok, how about 100-200?
Bill-Gon: That doesn't count. Tell you what...You pay the entry fee. Then if we win,
you get to keep all the winnings except for what it costs to fix my ship. And if we lose,
you get my ship.
(Eaglo thinks for a minute.)
(QC to a large city on Coruscant. It is nighttime (why else it is dark?). There is evil
music playing, as we see two dark-cloaked figures walking. They are both Darth Crookilious
and DMTG (short for Darth Maul the Great).
DMTG: If the trace is right, master, they are on planet Tatoonie. I wouldn't have any
trouble finding them.
Darth Crookilious: Good. Destroy the Jedi first. Then you wouldn't get any more trouble
transferring the Queen back to Naboo.
DMTG: At last we'll show those Jedi jerks. At last we will get our revenge. And at last
I would show again why I am so great!
Darth Crookilious: Your training made you a braggart, plus strong. They will be no
match for you.
(QC backed to the Skywalker household in back. Loud is working on his pod racer with
Charde, R2-PU, Toast, and C-OLD. It looks pretty beaten up. While they are working on it,
Bill-Gon and Lyds watch them from afar.)
Bill-Gon: I must admit. Your son thinks of people other than himself.
Lyds: He never knows greed...at least, none I know of.
(There's a pause.)
Bill-Gon: He's not like other boys, is he?
Lyds: You just realize that now? His yelling sometimes annoys people.
Bill-Gon: I mean he got special powers.
Lyds: That I am often concerned about.
(We back to pod racer. Toast is around front working at the starter.)
Loud: HEY TOAST!
(Toast jumps up)
Loud: DON'T TOUCH THOSE VOLTS. IF YOU DO A PART OF YOUR BODY WILL GO NUMB FOR HOURS!
Toast: Uh, thanks for the warning?
C-OLD: That Toast character is pretty bizarre.
(Toast accidentally dropped his wrench. He bent down to pick it up, below the
electrodes. However, he accidentally hit it when standing up. His head looks pretty shook
Loud: TOLD YA!
C-OLD: I changed my mind. He's pretty...stupid.
(Loud gets in his pod racer. Bill-Gon walked over and gives him some sort of
Bill-Gon: Use this to start your pod.
(Loud puts battery in. Everyone backs up, so Loud will start up his pod. He does so and
started to fire up.)
Loud: IT IS WORKING!
(QC to the adults. Bill-Gon went back to Lyds, who started speaking to him.)
Lyds: Mr. Jinn. My son deserves more than being a slave for the rest of his life. Can
you help him?
Bill-Gon: Nothing personal, madam, but I can't afford him even if I want to.
Lyds: But you must!
(Bill-Gon thinks for a minute.)
Bill-Gon: I can see what I can do, but I doubt it.
(QC to later that night. Bill-Gon and Loud are sitting outside.)
Loud: MAN THERE ARE ALLOT OF STARS OUT TONIGHT!
Bill-Gon: Please don't yell. You'll wake up the neighborhood.
Voice from another house: Shut the **** up!
Loud: Oops, I mean sorry.
(Lyds calls from the house.)
Lyds: Loud, it's time for bed!
(Bill-Gon hears this, and takes out a small needle thing. He jabs it into Loud and
takes some of his blood.)
Another voice: Shut up!!!
Bill-Gon: Sorry about that Loud. I need to check for infections.
Loud: Well next time tell me, okay?! You are just a nut!
(He gets up and stomps into the house. Bill-Gon looks embarrassed and talks into his
(Cut to Frog-Go)
Frog-Go: Yes sir?
(Back to Bill-Gon)
Bill-Gon: Analyze the blood sample I'm about to send you.
(Back to Frog-Go)
Frog-Go: What for?
(We cut to Noah Webster, as we heard "And Now A Word From Noah Webster!".)
Noah Webster: A Midichlorian. It is an object that gives the Jedi their power.
(QC to Frog-Go.)
(He turns on the computer and analyzed the blood sample Bill-Gon sent him. Frog-Go
Frog-Go: I think the computer has some sort of virus!
Bill-Gon: Why do you say that?
Frog-Go: It says that this blood is over 20,000.
(Bill-Gon looks surprised.)
Bill-Gon: Oh my goodness! I don't think even Master Nostrada has that many!
Frog-Go: What does this mean, master?
Bill-Gon: I don't know, but something tells me I should figure out how to get Loud to
come with us.
(He turns off the radio and as scary music begins to play, he looked up to the sky. QC
to space. DMTG's ship, which looks like Apollo 13 but with solar panels on the sides,
appears. The ship goes over to the planet, which is, obviously, Tatoonie. It lands in the
desert. It opens out and DMTG got out. He looks through some pair of binoculars and looks
over t hecities. He zeroes in on one of them. He presses a button on his wristband. Three
probes, which looked like the monkeys the Egyptians say to use in "Really Oldies But
Goodies", appear. He sent them to scatter the city. The next day, QC to the hanger
area for the pods. Aliens of whatever planet they are from are bringing their pods in. We
go to inside. Bill-Gon, Eaglo, and Toast are walking through the lines pod.)
Eaglo: Remember to give up your ship when the race is over.
Bill-Gon: Don't you worry, my friend. You'll get your money and me and my friends will
Eaglo: Ha! Not if you ships belong to me!
Bill-Gon: What's wrong with you? Don't you believe in the boy?
Eaglo: Nothing personal...I take that back, it's personal. Even if he's very good,
he'll never beat able to beat Napoleba
(We see Napoleba, sitting in his French pod. Toast hides behind Bill-Gon so Napoleba
won't see him. Eaglo continues speaking.)
Eaglo: He always wins. He's so good, I am betting allot on him, more what I had on the
(Bill-Gon realizes something. He smiles.)
Bill-Gon: I take that bet.
Bill-Gon: Let raise the stakes a little. I'll wager the pod I have against...how about,
the boy and his mother.
Eaglo: I'll agree to that bet...but you can only have ONE slave. No pod is worth two
slaves! I need one for my shop!
(Bill-Gon thinks for a minute.)
Bill-Gon: Oh right, the boy then.
(Eaglo now thinks for a minute. Note from JusSonic: Man, these people think a lot!)
Eaglo: How about we fate decided that, pilgrim? I happened to have my lucky coin with
me. Tails, the boy. Heads, his mother. (Thinks) This is easy. It always lands on Heads.
(He flips the coin. Bill-Gon knows what is coming and waves his hand a bit. Thanks to
the Force, the coin lands on Tails. Eaglo looks surprised and annoyed.)
Eaglo: You may have won the coin toss, buddy, but you won't win this race! So it
(He starts to fly out. Lyds, Charde, and Loud come in on a pair of cows (one of them
looks like Daisy the Cow from "Wheel of History.") The cows stopped and the
people dismount. Eaglo comes by.)
Eaglo: You better stop your friend's betting, or I'll end up beati...I mean, owning him
Lyds: Sir, must I remind you that vicious viol...
Eaglo: Shut up *****!!!
Lyds: Yes sir.
(He left. Bill-Gon and Toast walked up to them.)
Loud: WHAT ON TATOONIE IS HE TALKING ABOUT?
Bill-Gon: Don't worry about that, my boy. Just worry about the race. Come, your pod is
over with the droids.
(Loud follows after Bill-Gon. The camera goes to C-OLD and R2-PU.)
C-OLD: You mean to tell me that you were on a ship that was in danger?!
R2-PU: Gee...beep boop whir click click beep...gah.
C-OLD: You are lucky. I hope no one gets me on those terrible things. At least, not
until Loud is older.
(QC to racetrack. All the pod racers (and their pods) are now on the field. The aisles
on the track are packed. People are cheering everywhere non-stop. It's sunny out and clear
out (and people made sure they brought their sun lotion.) We cut to the announcer booth.
There's a two-headed alien there, who looks like, you guess it, Sammy Melman.)
Announcer #1: Hello there cats and welcome to today's race!
(The crowd cheers.)
Announcer #2: Indeed and today's race is good for two reasons. Here in the booth is the
senator of Planet MesoAmerica, Montezuma!
(The cameras go back to see Montezuma is sitting with the two-headed alien.)
Announcer #1: Welcome Montezuma! It's okay to call you Monty?
Montezuma: Only it's okay to smash you both in the heads every time you do! (Shows his
(The two heads paused for a moment.)
Announcer #1: Montezuma it is! And tell us about today's match up!
Montezuma: I will! There are a bunch of racers on the track! And here are the two
racers to come out! Presenting, the all-time grand champion of the Boonta Eve racetrack,
(Cameras go to Napoleba. He flips in the air as the crowd cheers.)
Announcer #2: And our return entry, returning after destroying his last pod in the last
race, a local boy, Anakin "Loud" Skywalker!
(Loud jumps in his pod and the crowd cheers for him as well.)
Montezuma: That kid is good, but Napoleba is even better! I made a bet with Spanish
senator Herman Cortez that if I lose, I had to give up my planet to him!
Announcer #1: Sound like a risky gamble, Monty!
(Montezuma angrily smashes both heads with his war club.)
Montezuma: I told you NOT to call me that!
Announcer #1: Sorry!
(QC to racetrack. The others went to a large dish raising area except for Loud, who is
sitting in his pod, and Charde and Bill-Gon. Charde went over and kiss Loud on the cheek.)
Charde: You are our only hope..so don't mess this up.
(Loud blushes as Charde went over to the disk raising area. Bill-Gon went over to him.)
Bill-Gon: Now remember Loud. I want you rely on your instincts. Feel, don't think.
Loud: GOT YA.
(Bill-Gon nodded, then puts Loud's helmet on his head. He then turns and went over to
the dish raising area. He gets in and it started to go up.)
Charde: I am not happy! I am not sure if we are going to win! The Queen won't be happy
Bill-Gon: If you want my respect, Charde, you'll listen to my hutches.
(QC to racetrack, Napoleba went over to Loud's racer. He grabs onto one of the
fuel-cans and pulls it out of the way. He snickers a little and went over to Loud.)
Napoleba: You aren't going to survive this race, you loud brat.
Loud: SAYS YOU, YOU FRENCHIE MORON!
Napoleba: What?! When this is over, your (French word for behind in a bad way again)
will be smashed up and your (French word for your "fireman") will be eaten by
(Napoleba walks back to his pod. QC backed to announcer booth.)
Announcer #1: And now let's welcome our guest of honor, here to start the races, Julius
(We go to huge baloney. A big monster that looks like Julius Caesar is coming out of
the baloney. There are aliens around him.)
Julius the Caesar: Baby, how am I supposed to attract chicks now if I'm fat?!
(An alien that looks like Marc Anthony speaks to him.)
Marc: It's a body bag, Julius.
(QC to racetrack. All the flags for each racer are coming out. Holding Loud's flag is
C-OLD. Once they are done, they got off the track.)
Announcer #2: Gentlemen! Star your engines!
(The pod started to reve up. There are shots of various drivers starting their engines,
including Napoleba and Loud. A huge light that looks more like a traffic light is starting
to go on. It's getting ready to signal to start. QC to Julius the Caesar. He's holding a
nectar cup in anger.)
Julius: My cup is empty!
(He angrily threw the cup at the gong. It made a clang, startling a nearby alien. The
lights go on the track. All of the racers roar out except one. Loud's pod goes for a few
moments, but then it stops for some reason.)
Loud: WHAT THE...?!
(QC to announcer.)
Announcer #1: Uh oh, little Skywalker's struck.
Montezuma: Yes, licky split!
Announcer #2: Is it just me, or is this parody is starting to get annoying?
Everyone in booth: Nope.
(Back to Loud: He flips his switches for a few moments. But nothing's happening. QC to
the other racers for a moment. Napoleba easily smashes the racer who is challenging him
for the lead. QC to racetrack. Loud gives himself some gas again. He angrily hits it. Both
pods light up and the pod finally shoots out much faster than the other did.)
Announcer #1: And finally Skywalker takes off.
Montezuma: Yes, but he won't catch up to Napoleba.
(QC to main race. Loud's fast pod is easily outmaneuvering, and passing the slowest
racers. Meanwhile, far ahead, Napoleba is going through a group of caves easily. The
others are trying to catch up. One of them didn't look in time and smashes into a
stalagmite. His racer blows up.)
Announcer #2: Whoa! Our second death for today!
Announcer #1: He died?! And this is supposed to be a Kids WB parody!
Montezuma: I don't care, as long as someone wins!
(Back to race. Napoleba is still in the lead. He and other racers got out of the caves,
and went around a large arch. We notice a bunch of creatures that looks like Native
Americans shooting at the pods and one hits a pod causing it to explode. The Indians gave
our their war cry.)
Announcer #2: Oh my goodness!
Announcer #1: Same here!
Montezuma: Looks liked a bunch of Tusken Raiders are camping out near that arch.
(Back to race. The racers pull out of that turn, and start to shoot down a canyon full
of rocks and other stuff like that. Napoleba notices another racer closing in on him and
grabs some sort of French weaponry and throws it at the engine of that racer. Take a
Announcer #2: And another one! How many deaths so far?
Announcer #1: Dang it! I'm an announcer, not a mathenician!
(The racers went by the starting line, and roar across it. Napoleba is still in the
lead. Soon, all the racers rage by. None of the people seen Loud yet.)
Bill-Gon: Where is he?
(A moment of pause. Finally, the second group of races went by. Loud is leading them.)
Charde: Oh no! Loud is still far behind!
(QC to the droids.)
C-OLD: You mean he had two more laps to go?! Man, this parody is getting violent!
(QC to racetrack. One alien is still trying to get his pod to move. The pod shorts out
then it exploded. The engines went flying. Back to race, Loud is starting to gain new
ground (not to mention rocks!). He approached the first four racers in the lead. As they
go through the caves, he manages to get by them. As they go through the turn again, the
Tusken Raiders begin firing again. One of the pods is hit and also exploded. Loud got into
second. The two stay into that position as they went through the canyon and back into the
Announcer #2: Little Skywalker is now in second!
Montezuma: Behind Napoleba?! This is starting to make me annoyed. Not mad, just
(Back to dish.)
Lyds: Come on, Loud. Mommy is counting on you.
Charde: If anything happens to him, I'll never forgive myself.
(Others look at her. Charde catches her mistake.)
Charde: I mean, Bill-Gon. I mean...shoot.
Bill-Gon: Never mind.
(Back to the race (I am getting tired of saying that!). Napoleba notices Loud is
starting to pass him. He shoves his pod into his wildly. Loud's pod went off the track and
into a nearby service ramp. He went high into the sky. As he went down, though, he guns
his engines. Doing so got him into front of Napoleba.)
Announcer #1: It's Skywalker!
Announcer #2: He says...
Montezuma: I know what he says!!!
(The crowds cheer. Race again. Loud manages to keep the lead as he goes around the big
turn and the cave. The Raiders try to shoot both racers but miss. They go into the canyon.
However, Napoleba's sabotage from earlier caused a fuel can to come out. One of Loud's
engines went dead as Napoleba goes by him.)
Announcer #1: Skywalker's in trouble! Napoleba retakes the lead!
Montezuma: Yes! I'm please!
Announcer #2 (to other head): What is up with him?
(Back to Loud. He looks and notices one of his engines is out of fuel. He connects the
other engine to his racer and they got filled up equally. He started up his engine again.
It started up again and rushed down the...well you guess the rest. Back to the dish,
everyone is worried, even Charde (though she's trying to hide it.) Race. Loud catches up
to Napoelba again. He shoots up a stone ramp and rushed into the air and got back into the
lead. Napoleba, now angrier then before, pulls his racer alongside his. He started to
smashes his racer into him.)
Announcer #2: Yikes! Napoleba is trying to smashes Loud's face in!
Announcer #1: He's one mean Frenchie!
(Loud got annoyed and tries to pull away. As he does, a part of his pod caught
Napoleba's pod's support line and pulls it out.
Napoleba: What the...?!
(One of the Napoleba engines came off. Loud went by him in his pod. Napoleba's pod
crashed into the ground and exploded and the cockpit get tossed out with Napoleba in it.
After skidding for a while, it comes to a stop. Napoleba is inside very dizzy. A cheer in
the stadium as Loud, in first, rushed into the stadium.)
Announcer #1-#2: And Loud wins!
(Announcer #2 head turns to Montezuma.)
Announcer #2: I bet you are not happy with this turn of events.
Montezuma: Why should I be angry? Because Napoelba lost? I mean that is so ridiculous.
Or maybe because I just lost my bet with Herman Cortez because a little loud brat had
beaten the all-time champion and you think this makes me angry?! (He calms down.) Of
course not. I shouldn't have bet to begin with.
Announcer #2: Uh, okay whatever you say.
(QC to backtrack. A crowd greeted Loud as well as his friends who are in the back. Lyds
Lyds: I'm so proud of you! You had the courage to do stuff people are afraid to do.
Loud: THANKS MOM!
(Charde is smiling, though no one sees her. Bill-Gon is also smiling.)
Bill-Gon: Good job, Loud! Go celebrate with your friends. There's a certain flying
creature I must have a word with.
(QC to balcony where Julius the Caesar was. Eaglo is there, paying off every cent,
including what he has won, to a nearby gambler. The gambler left as Bill-Gon came in.)
Bill-Gon: I hope your learn you lesson my friend.
Eaglo: You jerk! You knew that kid would win!
Bill-Gon: That's what you get for gambling too much. I'm going over to pick up the part
now. I'll come by later so you'll release the boy.
Eaglo: Are you crazy?! I'm not giving him up, pilgrim!
Bill-Gon: Then maybe we might have a word about this with the Caesars.
Eaglo: (Frighten) On second thought, go ahead and take him! His yelling was annoying me
Bill-Gon: I think I will.
(QC to the outskirts of the ship. There is a bunch of cows there, dragging the parts
from Eaglo's shop for the hyperdrive. Some guards are out bringing the parts in. Toast and
Charde are going back into the ship. Bill-Gon is still on a cow talking to Frog-Go still
on the ground.)
Bill-Gon: Get the ship working as soon as possible. I'm going back to the city to pick
up a new friend of ours.
Frog-Go: Is it someone annoying we should know about?
Bill-Gon: The boy helped us get these parts. I'll be back soon.
(He turns his cow around and went back to the city, while Frog-Go looks on. QC to
street leading up to the Skywalker home. Bill-Gon and Loud are going to it. Bill-Gone
gives some money to Loud.)
Bill-Gon: Here Loud.
Loud: WHAT'S THIS?
Bill-Gon: I sold the pod.
(He takes in and went into his home. Bill-Gon follows him. QC to inside, where Lyds is
sitting at a table working on something (censoring I bet). Loud went over to her.)
Loud: MOM! COME LOOK AT THIS!
(She notices the money in his hand.)
Lyds: Loud, where did you get this?
Loud: WE SOLD THE POD!
Bill-Gon: Here's better news: Loud been freed.
Bill-Gon: That's right: Loud's no longer a slave.
(Loud cheers. Lyds stares silently for a moment.)
Lyds: I guess Loud can finally leave and make his dreams come true. Is he to become a
Bill-Gon: Our meeting isn't a coincidence, nor it should be on a show about strange
(Loud cheers again. He turns to Lyds.)
Loud: MOM, IS IT ALL RIGHT?
(More music plays.)
Lyds: Loud, I can't make your decision for you. You're old enough to do that.
(Loud thinks a minute.)
Loud: I WANT TO.
Bill-Gon: Then pack you things. We'll be leaving soon.
(Loud cheers again and started to go into the back room. Lyds look disappointed. Loud
stopped and turns back to Bill-Gon.)
Loud: Is mom coming?
Bill-Gon: Sadly no. Eaglo only freed you.
(Loud looks sad. He went over to Lyds.)
Loud: Aren't you going to come?
Lyds: Loud, my life is here. You can go and follow you dream.
(Loud pauses again and went into the back room again. QC to Loud's room. C-OLD is there
and Loud turns him on.)
C-OLD: What the do-hicky?!! Oh, I'm turned on again. Must have been those egg-noggers.
(Loud speaks to him as he packs.)
Loud: GUESS WHAT, C-OLD? I'M FREED AND I CAN FINALLY LEAVE!
C-OLD: What?! You can't leave me now! I'm still not finished yet!
Loud: Don't worry. I'll tell Mom not to sell you.
C-OLD: What?! Sell me!
(Loud finished packing and left.)
QC to outside. Bill-Gon and Loud started walking out. Loud slowed back and turns back
to his old home. His mom is still there, watching him. Loud suddenly ran back to his mom.
His mom hugged him.)
Loud: I don't want to leave.
Lyds: But you have to. This is your destiny.
Loud: Will I ever see you again?
Lyds: What does your heart tell you?
Loud: I hope so.
(Note from JusSonic: Man, this story is starting to get sappy!)
Lyds: Then we will see each other again.
Loud: I will come back to free you, Mom. Someday.
Lyds: Get going, son, and don't look back.
(Loud turns and followed Bill-Gon again. They both vanished in the distance. Lyds went
back inside. QC to desert. One of DMTG's monkeys came back. It shows him something
(probably a picture or something like that). It went back into the ship. DMTG, with an
evil look, went over to his ride, which looks like a cross between a chariot and a
motorcycle. He got on. He took off and goes down some dune. QC to ship again. Everything
is packed in and is installed, so everyone's okay. The drawbridge is open so Bill-Gon and
Loud could get in. Bill-Gon is running towards it while Loud is trying to catch up. Loud
stops for a moment.)
Loud: HEY, BILL-GON! WAIT UP!
(Bill-Gon turns and notices a guy on a bike (Darth Maul the Great, obviously) riding
toward them. He about to hit Loud.)
Bill-Gon: Loud! Duck!
(Loud looks confused then notices his shoe laces are untie and bent down to tied down.
DMTG's bike missed him. The effect tosses Loud aside. The Sith activates his lightsaber
and jump off to attack the two. Bill-Gon quickly activates his own lightsaber and quickly
blocks DMTG's swing. Loud has just gotten up and notices the two guys dueling. Bill-Gon
calls out to him while dueling.)
Bill-Gon: Loud! Tell them to take off!
(Loud pauses for a moment and runs for the ship. He went up the drawbridge and towards
the bridge of the ship. Frog-Go and the other pilots are there. Frog-Go notices him.)
Frog-Go: What the...? Who are you?
Loud: NEVER MIND THAT! BILL-GON IS UNDER ATTACK?
(Loud points and Frog-Go and the rest of the pilots looks outside. They see Bill-Gon
battling DMTG. QC to inside.)
Frog-Go: Quick! Take off! But don't leave Bill-Gon
Ike: Yes sir!
(The ships begin to take off. QC to duel. Bill-Gon is holding him off, but DMTG is a
better fighter than he expected. Bill-Gon, suddenly, notices the ship overhead with the
drawbridge still out. DMTG is preparing to strike at him again. The ship is overhead as he
does. Bill-Gon immediately uses the Force to make it to the drawbridge. He almost was hit
by DMTG's lightsaber. Bill-Gon got in and the drawbridge closed. DMTG turns off his
lightsaber and looks on in frown.)
DMTG: Blast! Oh well, at least I'm still great!
(QC to inside. Bill-Gon is panting and groaning as the ship blasts off into space. Loud
ran into the room with Frog-Go following him.)
Frog-Go: What was that, Bill-Gon?
Bill-Gon: I don't know. But he must have known the powers of the Force.
Loud: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!
Bill-Gon: Don't worry. We'll worry about when we asked the council. In the meantine,
Anakin "Loud" Skywalker meet Frog-Go Kenobi.
(Loud shakes Frog-Go's hand.)
Loud: HI! PLEASE TO MEET YA! ARE YOU A JEDI TOO?
Frog-Go: Uh, yes. And please don't yell like that again.
(QC to ship flying to place. Back to Theed Palace on Naboo. It is nighttime. QC to
inside. There are Battle Soviets wandering around, doing...whatever. Marx is in his moving
throne what-do-you-call it talking to Governor Jefferson.)
Marx: Give it up, Governor. All your people did. Communism will rule this planet.
Governor Jefferson: You are not going to get away with this! The Senate will find a way
to stop you!
Marx: Oh sure. Like they will do anything. The Senate is busy even as we speak.
Governor Jefferson: How do you know that?
(Marx looks nervous, then called the Battle Soviets to take him away. They came over
and drag Jefferson away.)
Marx: Well, THAT is taken care of.
(A Battle Soviet Leader walked over to Marx.)
B. S. L: All of the cities are subjugated.
B. S. L: It means they are now under our control. We are now going to search for the
rumored underwater cities.
Marx: They won't stay hidden for long, that for sure.
B. S. L: Hey, I was going to say that!
(QC to the Queen's ship again. We see Charde walking along the bridge. She went by
R2-PU, who is deactivated at the moment. She went by Toast next, who is fast asleep with
some sort of magazine on his head. She walked over to the hologram player. She turned it
on and replays Governor Jefferson's message. She watches it and looks worried. She turned
around the scene shifts to view. She notices Loud leaning against a wall.)
Charde: Are you all right?
Loud: Yes, but it is getting cold in here.
(She walked over to Loud.)
Charde: That's because you come from a desert planet.
Loud: Well, that explains allot. BTW, why are you so sad?
(Charde is indeed sad.)
Charde: The Queen isn't happy. She is worried that her people as well as the other
creatures are going to die unless the Senate helps her. I am not happy because something
bad is going to happen too.
Loud: Don't worry. I'm sure nothing bad will happen to the planet...or to you too.
(Charde smiles a bit. We notices a bunch of cheesy love (no kissing) bits we usually
see from movies. QC to behind her. We noticed Fro-Go looking at them. He looks
disappointed, but thinks better. He left. QC to a little later. The ship is now in orbit
of a planet that looks like New York City has taken over. It is Coruscant. They entered
the sir and are closing in one of the cities. We see a lot of ships that looks like some
vehicles from Histeria! There are a lot of buildings sticking up from the ground (if there
was a ground that is). QC to cockpit. The pilots are still there. (Where else?) Bill-Gon
and Loud are also there. Bill-Gon is standing in the back while Loud is talking to Ike.
He's pointing to the button.)
Loud: And that one controls the landing gear, right?
Ike: You are right. Maybe someday you'll become a pilot yourself too.
Loud: I drove a pod race!
Ike: Using any of these buttons?
Loud: (thinks for a moment) Oh yeah, your right.
Bill-Gon: Land toward that platform. The Chancellor is waiting for us.
(Outside. There's a platform floating with some people. The ship lands on the platform.
The bridge opens and some people got out. They are the Jedi, Loud, Queen Bazaidala,
Captain Washanka, the handmaidens, as well as the guards. The people are greeted them are
a bunch of guards and two political dressed-people. One of them looks like Confucius while
the other looks like Richard M. Nixon.)
Senator Nixonstine: You majesty, I'm so relieved you made it.
Bazaidala: Thank you Senator.
Nixonstine: Nothing personal, your majesty, but weren't you smaller when I last seen
Bazaidala: That's because I hadn't put my make-up on yet!
Frog-Go: (whispers to Bill-Gon) That explains a lot.
(Both Jedi snickers.)
Chancellor Confucius: Welcome to Coruscant, Queen Bazaidala. I'm your host Chancellor
Confucius and for those people who don't know I'm the man, baby!
Nixonstine: Never mind him. We must discuss this in private.
(Bill-Gon turns to Chancellor Confucius.)
Bill-Gon: I must speak with the Jedi council.
Bill-Gon: The troubles had gotten worse.
Frog-Go: Come on Toast.
Bill-Gon: You too Loud.
Loud: YES SIR!
Confucius: Who's this loud kid and why is he here?!
Loud: WHAT A GRUMP!
(QC to a bit later. There's some sort of waiting room in one of Senate Buildings. The
Queen is there, only this time she looks like Charity Bazaar again. She is on the couch.
Senator Nixonstine is also there, talking to he. There's a bunch of handmaidens there as
Nixonstine: Glad you supply your makeup, your majesty. But this situation has gotten
Bazaidala: Why is that? I thought Chancellor Confucius is going to help us.
Nixonstine: Sadly, the chancellor is now being control by "communists". They
are very nasty and well corrupted. I don't think that they, nor the Senate, will be able
to help us.
Bazaidala: (sighs) I'm not happy. What are we going to do?
Nixonstine: Two choices: 1. We could submit to the Trade Federation...
Nixonstine: You don't need to yell. The other option is to have Chancellor Confucius
impeach and elect a new chancellor, one who would not only get rid of the communists, but
help us as well.
Bazaidala: But Chancellor Confucius's our strongest support. Plus, his show ruled.
Nixonstine: That's why the communists are controlling him. They also like his show.
Bazaidala: Is there any other way?
(Nixonstine pauses also.)
Nixonstine: Well, we should go to courts but it will take seven years.
Bazaidala: Are you crazy?!
Nixonstnine: The Republic board will probably award us $11 million dollars, so it
probably isn't a total loss.
Bazaidala: Yes it is! Our people are dying!
Nixonstine: Oh yes, forgot. Blast.
(QC to outside of the Jedi Council tower, which is also in a Senate Building. It is,
obviously, a huge tower. QC to inside. We see a huge room with several aliens sitting
around. All of them are Jedi Masters and look liked characters from Histeria! Three of
them, must be the head guys, are in the front of the room. One looks like Thomas Edison,
another looks Ludwig Von Beethoven, and between them a guy that looks like Nostradamus.
They are all wearing Jedi stuff.)
Bill-Gon:...and when I got to the ship, a evil guy in weird makeup appeared and attack
me with a red lightsaber.
Frog-Go: Yes and he almost killed him.
(The Thomas guy sighs)
Thomas Windu: This can only be one thing.
Thomas: That guy must have been...a Sith.
(Dum-dum-dum song plays as everyone in the room gasps. The Beethoven-guy speaks up.)
Ludwig Von Mundi: That can't be! The Sith have been dead for 1000 years!
Nostrada: Ha! I told you this would happen! Shut Up! But like I say before...I WAS
RIGHT! After all, I had predicted the Senate would have a good beginning, the Trade
Federation blockading Naboo, and that Jar-Jar Binks will be a popular character. (Pauses)
Okay, so I was off on that one.
Thomas: Whatever. Anyway, my guess is that the Sith somehow resurfaced when we aren't
Bill-Gon: I guess your right. But what to do?
Thomas: We'll use any resources we can find to discover the identify of this attacker.
Frog-Go: (whispers to Bill-Gon) This is bad.
Bill-Gon: (whispers back) Tell me about it.
Nostrada: Okay, Shut Up! You may go now. May the Force
be you and so forth. Shut Up!
(Frog-Go turns to leave but Bill-Gon didn't turn.)
Nostrada: Bill-Gon, you have something to say?
Bill-Gon: Yes I do.
Nostrada: I WAS RIGHT!
Bill-Gon: (sighs) I had found a boy on the planet we were attacked on.
Bill-Gon: And I believe that the Force is strong with him, not to mention that he had
more midichlorians than any Jedi I ever known.
Ludwig Von: What does this mean?
Bill-Gon: I think he's here to fulfill...the prophecy!
(Dum, dum, dum time.)
Frog-Go: What prophecy?
Bill-Gon: The one about the guy who's strong with the Force.
Thomas: You must refer about the one who will bring balance to the Force. You believe
it is this...boy?
Bill-Gon: Now I don't believe...
Nostrada: Oh, you DO believe all right! Shut Up! I bet ya you want him train as a Jedi.
Frog-Go: (thinks) He must be. Why else bring him?
Bill-Gon: I requested that he go through the test just to make sure.
(Nostrada and Ludwig Von turned to Thomas who thinks for a moment.)
Thomas: Bring in him, I supposed.
Bill-Gon: Thank you.
(He and Frog-Go turned and leave.
(QC to Loud going to the door of one of the rooms. He knocks on it and it opens to
reveal one of the handmaidens. It's the World's Oldest Woman.)
Handmaiden: What do you want, kid?
Loud: Is Charde here?
Handmaiden: Oh, well get in here and I'll ask.
(She leads Loud inside. There are a lot of handmaidens around. Queen Bazaidala appears
in another set of clothes. She notices Loud.)
Bazaidala: Loud? What are you doing here?
Handmaiden: The boy wants to see Charde.
Bazaidala: Oh...I sent her out on some errands.
(Loud looks disappointed.)
Loud: Well...if she comes back, tell her I am going to the Jedi Council and I'll
probably miss her.
(Bazaidala looks disappointed as well.)
Bazaidala: We'll tell her that.
(Loud left. Bazaidala sighs. QC to the Senate Meeting Chamber. There are a bunch of
representatives from different planets. Each of them is on a floating platform thingy, so
when they want to speak, they move in the center. There's a huge floating platform in the
center and Chancellor Confucius is sitting there, along with some aliens. They sort of
look liked Chinese Communists.)
Confucius: (On speakers) Ok people, shut up and listen!
(The room went silent)
Confucius: Welcome to today's meeting. I'm your host, Chancellor Confucius. (Bong is
heard.) Today's topic...the trade routes. Issue 1: What planet is in danger? Senator
Nixonstine, what says you?
(QC to the Naboo platform, which floats to the center. The Senator, The Queen, and some
guards are in it.)
Nixonstine: Thank you Chancellor. If you must know, our planet of Naboo is under
attack. The Soviet Union Trade Federation is being jerks to them and is now taking over
(The Trade Federation moves in the center. There are Russians in it and Joseph Stalin
is also in it with
Star Wars clothing on.)
Joseph Stalin: That's a lie! They are out to disgrace
our fair Soviet Union! I requested that they be
Confucius: Issue 2: Be quiet! And no one gets purged
in this galaxy!
Stalin: (mumbles) Says you, you Chinese creep.
Confucius: Excuse me?
Confucius: Thought so. Continue, Nixonstine.
Nixonstine: Thank you again Chancellor. I now had here Queen Bazaidala of the Naboo,
who is a witness to this situation.
(Bazaidala steps forward.)
Bazaidala: Thank you, Nixonstine. I must inform you that the Trade Federation is
holding my world hostage and is now probably doing something horrible. We requested that
Stalin: That is also a lie! The Queen is probably paid by the Senator to say that! I
suggested that someone sent a probe to the planet to see if she's telling the truth which
I doubt! I also want her purged!
(Another disk go ups. This one is filled with British guys. King George III is with
King George III: I agreed with the Trade Federation. Does anyone want some tea?
George: How ghastly!
Confucius: Stalin I thought...
(He is interrupting by one of the communists who is whispering to him. He turned away
from the microphone to speak with him. The other one joins in. QC to the Naboo platform.
Senator Nixonstine is whispering to the Queen, while this is going on.)
Nixonstine: Enter the Communists, the true controllers of the Senate, and the ones who
are bribed by the Soviets. Like I say before, the Senate won't help us in this state.
Bazaidala: I don't know. It doesn't look like it.
Nixonstine: I insisted that we take action.
Bazaidala: Why? What do you know?
Nixonstine: I am shocked! I am not a crook! Never was, never will be! It has nothing to
do with the fact that I am really a Sith Master who wants to remove the Chancellor and
take his place, and then start a war with some morons so that the Senate will make me
Emperor! I am not a crook (pauses) again!
Bazaidala: Huh? Oh I am sorry. Did you say anything?
Nixonstine: Forget it.
(Confucius stops talking.)
Confucius: Ok, Issue 3: Queen Bazaidala, will it be better if we sent a probe to see if
you are indeed telling the truth?
(Bazaidala pauses a moment, then frowns.)
Bazaidala: My planet is under attack and you insist on doing that? I am not happy. I
think it will be better if we had you impeached and replaced you with someone else!
Bazaidala: You heard me! I vote we impeached the Chancellor!
(A lot of aliens are now yelling around, also requesting that Confucius be impeached.
Confucius sits in his chair, groaning. QC to Naboo platform.)
Nixonstine: Good. Now they will elect a new Chancellor, one will not let corruption
Testidala: How would you know?
Nixonstine: It will...(Whispers to himself) I have forseen it!
Nixonstine: (quickly) Oh, nothing.
(QC to Jedi Council Room as it is getting dark. All of the Jedi are there, as well as
Loud. The boy is in the center. Thomas has some picture display thingy (I love saying
that!) in his hand. As he is looking at it, he changes the pictures while listening to
Loud. The first picture is a ship.)
(Picture to cup.)
Loud: A CUP.
(Picture to...a man doing, uh, something "offensive" to a woman [Don't ask!])
Loud: UGH...I AM NOT GOING THERE!
(Thomas pauses, then puts down the picture. He turns to Nostrada and Ludwig Von Mundi.)
Ludwig Von: Well?
Thomas: (whispers) He got it all right, including the last part.
(QC to Lydia)
Lydia: I am writing a note of compliant to myself!
(QC to Jedi Council.)
Nostrada: Never mind, then. Shut Up!
(A pause in the room. The Jedi Masters is looking at Loud who's still standing there.
Nostrada puts his pinky...)
Nostrada: Hey! I'm not Dr. Evil here!
(...Sorry, I mean his finger in his mouth in a thinking expression.)
Nostrada: How feel you?
Nostrada: I said, "How feel you"?
Loud: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!
Nostrada: Shut Up! Really!
Loud: BUT I DON'T GET IT!
Ludwig Von: He means how do you feel?
Loud: OH! A LITTLE COLD I GUESS.
Nostrada: Scared I bet.
Loud: I AM NOT SCARED!
Nostrada: Shut Up! I think your mind is somewhere.
Ludwig Von: Oh his mother, I bet.
Loud: I GUESS I MISS HER.
Thomas: This is bad. While the Force is strong with him, at the same time he gets a lot
Loud: WHAT DOES THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
Nostrada: Shut Up! It means everything. Fear is thepath to the Dark Side! Fear leads to
anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering!
(A pause in the room.)
Ludwig Von: Uh, you forgot to say Shut Up.
Nostrada: Shut Up! (Turns to Loud.) I sense much fear in you.
Loud: WHAT A WEIRDO!
(QC to balcony outside. Bill-Gon and Frog-Go are walking towards it. They are talking.)
Frog-Go: I must warn you that the boy will never pass the test.
Bill-Gon: You must have faith in the boy and in me.
Frog-Go: I don't think they will go with you this time. You know if you would have
followed the rules, you will be in the council.
Bill-Gon: You have lot to learn and times to learn it from. Trust me, sometime you will
be a great Jedi Knight.
Frog-Go: I guess so.
(They stopped at the balcony.)
Frog-Go: You better prayed that you are right.
Bill-Gon: I know when I am right.
(QC to Senate Building. It's now nighttime and there are lights on everywhere on the
planet. Queen Bazaidala is at the building, changed once again. There are few handmaidens
there. Toast walked over to her. A bit of silence for the moment; finally he speaks.)
Toast: Dudette, You think your people are going to die?
Bazaidala: I hope not.
Toast: Whoa! What about my people?
(Toast pauses then speak up again.)
Toast: Well, my people are NOT going down without a fight. We are warriors plus we had
weapons you guys never dreamed of!
Bazaidala: What do you mean...?
(She is interrupted when a door opened up. They turned to the doorway. Captain Washanka
and Senator Nixonstine came in. Nixonstine is happy.)
Washanka: Good news, your majesty! Senator Nixonstine is nominated to replace
Nixonstine: I am honored to accept the nomination. If I am elected, I will put the end
to corruption and everything else I can't think of any.
Bazaidala: Who else is nominated?
Washanka: Two people, Ernest Hemingway of Alderran and King George III of Malistar.
Nixonstine: Don't you worried. I will win...(as he talks, he sat down in a chair)...and
end corruption once and for all.
Bazaidala: But what about our world?
Nixonstine: Oh yes, that. Well, when I am Chancellor, I will sent out a fleet to take
the Trade Federation out.
Toast: Dude, how long will that be?
Nixonstine: 3 years.
(Bazaidala and Toast look shocked)
Both: 3 years?!
Nixonstine: You say that like it is a bad thing.
Bazaidala: It is! Our planet wouldn't even last one week!
Toast: And my race will be wiped out by then!
Nixonstine: I purposed that might happen.
(Toast and Bazaidala looks angry.)
Bazaidala: No it won't! Come on! Captain Washanka, back to the ship! We're leaving!
(Nixonstine is surprised and stand up.)
Nixonstine: Where are you going?
Bazaidala: Back to Naboo to saved my people. Where else?
Nixonstine: Please be reasonable. They'll make you sign the treaty.
Bazaidala: I will sign no treaty, Senator! I won't submit to that level!
(The group is at the door now. It opened up and they begin to walk out.)
Nixonstine: Please stay! I insist!
(Bazaidala turned around.)
Bazaidala: Senator, it's clear to me now that the Senate no longer cares. I hope you
can make them care.
(She then leaves with the others. Nixonstine bows his head for a moment; the others
didn't see his secret smile. QC to the chamber. It's night here as well. Loud is still
there facing Nostrada, Thomas, and Ludwig Von. Bill-Gon and Frog-Go are now there. They
are behind Loud.)
Thomas: You are right. The Force is strong with him.
Bill-Gon: Then he is to be trained?
Thomas: Sadly no.
(Bill-Gon is surprised while Loud is disappointed.)
Bill-Gon: No? What...what do you mean?
Thomas: He is too old and probably is fill of fear.
Bill-Gon: He's the Chosen One! You must see that!
(Nostrada uses his future-seeing powers.)
Nostrada: I predicted that..blast! It's too cloudy to see! Shut Up!
Ludwig Von: He does have a point.
Bill-Gon: Very well. I'll train him. I take Loud as my padawan learner.
(He steps forward and puts his hands on Loud's shoulder)
Nostrada: Hey! You can't be doing that! You already got a weirdo as your student!
Frog-Go: Don't you dare call me a weirdo!
Thomas: He's right, though. The code forbids taking a second learner.
Bill-Gon: In that case...Frog-Go is ready to take the trials.
Frog-Go: So soon?
Bill-Gon: That way I will have another trainee when Frog-Go becomes a Jedi Knight.
Thomas: We will deal on who's ready, Bill-Gon. Now it's not the time for that. Little
Loud's faith will be determined later. The council is electing a new Chancellor and the
Queen is going back to her planet of Naboo.
Nostrada: Shut Up! We asked you two to come with her!
Frog-Go: Can I ask why?
Ludwig Von: Doing so will draw out the Queen's attacker again. We must find out if he's
connected to the Sith or not.
Thomas: I am sure he is.
Bill-Gon: What about Loud? I can't just leave him here.
Nostrada: Take him with you! Shut Up! But don't train him. Shut Up again!
Thomas: Get going, and May The Force Be With You both.
Nostrada: Shut Up!
(The Jedi and Loud turned and leave. QC to landing area again. Still nighttime by the
way. The ship as well as the gang is there. All of the guards are going to board the ship,
as well as the handmaidens. Some are with the Queen while she is speaking with Bill-Gon.
She looks like the World's Oldest Woman again. Charde is also back.)
Bill-Gon: Your majesty, we decided to come with you in case that attacker appears
Bazaidala: Thank you cutie.
Bill-Gon: You're welcome and stop that.
Washanka: Hey! I happened to know that me and the guards will help protect the Queen,
Bill-Gon: No offense, Captain Washanka, but I am not sure about you guys.
Washanka: Hey, that's pretty wild, huh?
(Washanka and Bazaidala went to the ship. The handmaidens followed them.)
Frog-Go: Master, can I have a word with you?
Frog-Go: I think you are crazy for trying to train Loud.
Bill-Gon: Excuse me?
Frog-Go: The boy is dangerous. They all sense it, why can't you?
Bill-Gon: I know better! That's why! Get on the ship!
(Frog-Go frowns and went in anyway. Loud appears with Toast and R2-PU.)
Loud: Uh, Mr. Bill-Gon?
Bill-Gon: Yes and please just Bill-Gon.
Loud: I guess. I hope I am not being...annoying.
Bill-Gon: Don't be silly! They are just being paranoid, I guess. Let hope this doesn't
turned you into an evil dark lord someday.
(Loud pauses a minute.)
Loud: I GUESS SO! WHAT ABOUT ME?
Bill-Gon: I can't train you, Loud. Just watch me and
try not to get hurt.
Loud: YES SIR!
(They went to the ship. Toast and R2-PU are there.)
Toast: Gad, dude! We are going home! Party!
Loud: WHAT A NUT!
R2-PU: Poo...beep whir whistle..gah.
(QC to ship taking off. It went away from Coruscant and into orbit. Once it is into
deep space, it blasted off using light (hyper, ridiculous, or whatever) speed. QC to
nighttime at Naboo in the Theed Palace. Marx and Engels are standing in front of the Darth
Crookilious hologram again.)
Darth Crookilious: How did it go?
Marx: Very well, my dear sir! The planet is now ours for the taking!
Engels: I agreed.
Darth Crookilious: Good. I had sent my apprentice, DMTG, to help you out.
(The hologram vanishes)
Engels: Great. Now that "Great" Sith is coming here.
Marx: Just don't annoy him, Engels.
Engels: (mumbles) Says you.
(QC to Queen's ship. Drama music plays. The Queen is on her throne in the throne room,
still looking like WOW, and the other handmaidens are there with Toast, Bill-Gon and
Bill-Gon: I must inform you that once we get there, they'll place you under arrest! I
mean the only defense we got is a bunch of weak colonists!
Washanka: Mr. Jinn, I ensure you that my guards are trained to shoot first and ask
Bill-Gon: Whatever. As for me and Frog-Go, we can only protect you. Plus, we need to
watch out for that nasty guy in makeup.
Bazaidala: I supposed what we need is a supposing army.
Washanka: But where are we going to get one of those?
(A pause in the room. Charde looks at Toast for a moment. He isn't saying anything. She
frowns, and kicks him.)
Bazaidala: What is it?
Toast: Someone kicked me!
Charde: Never mind that! Tell her about your army.
Toast: Oh right...(realizes something) Hey, wait a minute, how in space did you know
(A few minutes later. The ship is near Naboo again. The blockade is still there. The
ship is trying to go by it. QC to cockpit. The pilots, Ike, and Frog-Go are in there.
Frog-Go is looking at a monitor.)
Frog-Go: Funny. There is only one.
Ike: They will try to get us once we land.
Frog-Go: Just fly and don't worry about it.
(QC to huge silver ship landing in a clearing in the Naboo forest. Once again, the area
looks like the woods from "When America Was Young". They landed underneath the
trees. QC to outside the ship. Toast had gone to find the Gungans. Bill-Gon and Frog-Go
are outside waiting as well as everyone else.)
Frog-Go: I hope that the Gungans will help us.
Bill-Gon: It won't be easy. They don't like us very much.
Frog-Go: Listen, Bill-Gon. I'm sorry for talking against training Loud.
Bill-Gon: You are just following your instincts. Don't. Someday we will part and you'll
be a Jedi Knight and train an apprentice of your own someday.
Frog-Go: Thanks. Of course, it'll probably be Loud's son, if he gets one. But then
again, who knows?
(QC to pond. Toast came out. He came to shore. QC to others when Toast arrived.)
Toast: Dude, they are all gone!
Bill-Gon: Where could they be?
Frog-Go: They must be either captured...
Washanka: Or killed, huh?
Toast: No way! If something bad happen to city, they go to secret hiding place. Follow
(He turned and went into the forest. Everyone follows. QC to a large, Gungan camp.
There are a lot of Gungans around, some of them riding elephants. There are a lot of
spears, frames for shields, and glowing rocks around. They still like as they were before.
The group went to Boss Hun (and the Gungan) who are sitting on the tree root.)
Toast: Heh Heh..hi Boss Hun.
Boss Hun: Grr..Why Naboo here? All you bad. Bring army poultry.
Bill-Gon: Here we go again...
Washanka: Huh? What did he say?
The Gungan: He says why are you guys here? You are bad since you brought army...stuff.
Frog-Go: You can't say that to us! We warned you!
Bill-Gon: Quiet, Frog-Go.
(Queen Bazaidala steps forward.)
Bazaidala: Hey shortly. I am Queen Bazaidala of the Naboo. I wish to form an alliance
with the Gungans.
Boss Hun: Don't call me short (brings out axe) or you'll go chop-chop!
Bazaidala: Hey! Don't you dare say that to me, you little...!
(She steps forward)
Charde: Forget it! I might as well tell everyone right now! I'm Queen Bazaidala!
(Take a guess.)
Charde (Bazaidala): That's right! The Queen you thought was me is really my double in
case anything bad happens.
Loud: YOU MEAN ALL THIS TIME MY NEW FRIEND IS THE QUEEN?! WHAT A GIP!
Frog-Go: (whispers) Oh yeah. This is good.
Bill-Gon: Don't say that, Frog...
Bazaidala: EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!!
(Everyone stare in shock at Bazaidala, who's angry at the moment. She calms down.)
Bazaidala: Sorry. I don't know where I gotten that. Listen Boss Hun. Our world is being
destroyed by the Soviet Union Trade Federation. While our races hate each other...
Washanka: She's right about that.
Bazaidala:...Our sides never got into a war. We form what you say a "symbiotic
relationship." And those Soviets are destroying our world, and it made me unhappy. I
hope you will consider helping us.
(Boss Hun thinks for a moment. Finally he speaks.)
Boss Hun: Will stop calling us dumb?
Boss Hun: Oh right, then. Gungan and Naboo friends.
(Everyone cheers. Back to Theed Palace. It is day now and a bunch of Battle Soviets is
trooping around. Marx and Engels are talking to Darth Crookilious again, only this time
around DMTG is with them, looking evilly then ever.)
Engels:...And there's no one on the ship!
Darth Crookilious: She's planning something. I just know it. Lord Maul the Great, let
them move first.
DMTG: Yes, my mister. And by the way...
Darth Crookilious:...You are great I know.
(QC to the clearing. The group is with several Gungans. They are watching a pair of
speeders coming into the area. They go to the group consists of: Queen Bazaidala (the real
one mind you), Bill-Gon and Loud. Captain Washanka got off his speeder to talk to him. We,
however, cut to Boss Hun talking to Toast.)
Boss Hun: To-To did good. Help Gungan and Naboo be together. You now general.
(Toast looks surprised as Boss Hun left.)
Toast: Whoa! I am now a general?! (Thumbs up) Wicked!
(Back to group who is now standing over the hood of a speeder. Boss Hun is with them.)
Washanka: There were leaders of Resistance that been formed while we were gone, so they
can help us out!
Bazaidala: So what's the problem?
Washanka: Well, from the looks of the Gungans, I don't think we can win against the
Battle Soviet Army.
Bazaidala: Like I say before, the battle will be a diversion. The Gungans will stall
them long enough for us to go into the back way and into the Palace. We'll captured the
Viceroy and overthrow his rule.
Bill-Gon: But the Gungans will be wiped out by then!
Bazaidala: I have a second part as well. If our ships deactivate the main control ship
once we get them out of the hangar, the droids will be useless.
Bill-Gon: The ship is heavily shielded, by the way. And the pilots would include Ike.
Bazaidala: I trust him. He's a veteran of the last UW. (Universe War, for those who
(Bill-Gon turns to Boss Hun.)
Bill-Gon: I think your race is going to lose.
Boss Hun: We don't care. We want them gone.
The Gungan: I think he explained enough.
Bazaidala: Come on, we got work to do!
(QC to Palace. Marx, Engels, and DMTG are now walking down a hall while a robot is
carrying the hologram of Darth Crookilious.)
Darth Crookilious: She is either foolish or misguided. Either way, she is not a crook.
Marx: Her army consisted of a bunch of Gungans whose city we just captured.
Engels: They are NO match for our army, anyway.
Marx: What should we do, oh great one?
Darth Crookilious: Wipe them all out.
(QC to swamps. It is quiet at first, but then the Gungans appeared riding on elephants.
The cameras go back, and we see a Gungan blowing a war horn as the Gungans come out of the
forest and into an area of hills and grass. They are armed with electric spears, shield
rims, and glowing orbs. They also armed with slings and are wheeling out huge catapults
behind big elephants. There are some elephants with huge, shell-shaped thingys on their
backs. They go onto the field. Toast is way in front on an elephant alongside the Hannibal
guy from "Wheel of History." QC to them.)
Toast: Dude, let gets started.
Gungan Chief: Fire up the shield!
(Three Gungans, each standing next to a shell on the elephants (3), turns the shell on.
The shields come out and cover the Gungan army. QC to a large hill. A snail, the one from
the "Loud's Ancient History" episode, is crawling on it. He hears something and
tries to get away. Unfortunately, a bunch of Soviet tanks came over the hill and blow it
away. Some stay on the hill, while the others went down it. QC to one of them and we see
several Battle Soviets on each one. One of them is in the center and looks through its
binoculars. He puts them down and motions to the tanks.)
Battle Soviet: Open fire!
(Cannons came out of the tanks and fire laser bolts at the enemy. However, they bounced
harmlessly off the shield. This continues on. QC to Theed. There is a bunch of Battle
Soviets trooping around, as well as a tank or two. We go to an alley. It's Queen
Bazaidala, Frog-Go, Bill-Gon, Loud, R2-PU, and some guards. They are carrying weapons and
Bazaidala: As soon as Washanka give us the signal, we'll begin.
Bill-Gon: I hope this works.
Loud: Bill-Gon, what about me?
Bill-Gon: You can't come to the battle, Loud. You must
find a place to hide and stay there.
Loud: But Bill-Gon...
Bill-Gon: No buts.
Guard: Heh, heh, you says butts.
Frog-Go: He did not!
(Bazaidala sticks her arm out and then she blinks a blue light to a row of alleys and
bushes. Washanka responds. Back to others.)
Loud: WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT WAS THE SIGNAL AGAIN?
(His voice was so loud, it causes a tank to exploded.)
Frog-Go: What happened?
Bazaidala: Never mind that! Get going!
(The group gets out and made a run for the hangar, bringing pilots with them. The
Soviets fired at them, and the guards fired back. Frog-Go and Bill-Gon use their
lightsabers bounced the shots back at them. No one was killed when they go to the hanger.
QC to Marx and Engels watching this on a video.)
Engels: What on Naboo...? I thought the battle would take place outside of the city!
Marx: Perhaps not. Well our droids should take care of them.
(Back to battlefield. The Gungans are still protected by the shield. The Soviets are
still firing at them, but with no luck. Toast frowns.)
Toast: Dude, when are they going to give up?!
Gungan: How should I know?
(The cannon stop firing. The tanks opened up suddenly. A bunch of Battle Soviets came
out, on a rack and collapsed. Once out, the racks spread themselves laying all the Soviets
Toast: Ah rats.
(QC to Russian Space Station. Leon Trotsky is there as well, as some Russian pilots.)
Leon: Activate the Battle Soviets and kill them!
(A Russian throw a switch and we see a picture of a Soviet standing up. Back to planet,
all of the Soviets are now standing up. They turned to the Gungan army. There are thousand
Toast: Ah crap!
(The Soviets moved forward. The Gungans got ready. The ones in the front activated
their shield frames, which are energy shields. They started firing. Trouble is, the shield
is stopping them. The ones in behind are throwing energy orbs at the Soviets. Some of them
hit one or two, destroying them. Catapults are also firing them, killing some of the
Soviets. The ones Toast is watching are throwing bolas at the Soviets. Toast grabs one and
tries to throw one but messes up. QC to hangar. The battle is still going on. The Soviets
started to fire at the doors. The doors opened up. Bill-Gon and Frog-Go are defending by
blocking some shots. The guards are shooting back at the Soviets and destroying a lot of
them. Unfortunately, some guards were killed by the Soviets.)
Bazaidala: Get to your ships!
(The pilots made a run for the ships. The ships still look like Ford's automobile while
the pilots looked like Histeria! Characters. A few were killed, but most of them made it.
QC to Bill-Gon.)
Bill-Gon: Loud! Go hide!
Loud: YES SIR!
(Loud ran off. R2-PU is also running. He accidentally got under one of the automobiles
and a claw picks him up and puts in the mobile. Loud keep hiding, but blaster keeps
hitting the places he hiding behind. He finally go to the ship R2-PU is in. He got in and
into the cockpit. Large number of fighters is taking off and flying into space. QC to
space. A bunch of fighters are heading toward the Russian Space Station. A bunch of Soviet
fighters are flying toward them, however. QC to Ike in his cockpit, who is the head
Ike: We got trouble!
(QC to a fighter blowing away two Soviet fighters.)
Custer Pilot: Yee hah! I got you, you stupid jerks.
(Ten shots, however blast him at once.)
Custer Pilot: Ah...
(The fighter explodes and the others fly over to the ship. Back to hangar, the guards
took out the last of the Battle Soviets. The hanger is now empty, and all the pilots are
gone. The group goes over to the doorway they came in. Loud peeks out of his fighter and
Loud: HEY BILL-GON! WAIT UP!
Bill-Gon: No Loud, you can't come!
Loud: WHY NOT?
Bill-Gon: Please, stay in that cockpit!
Loud: WHAT A GROUCH!
(The group continues to go to the door. The door suddenly opens up. The group is
shocked and that music from "Episode I" starts to play. The door is now opened
and we see a silhouette of DMTG looking down. He looks up to see them. The Jedi look shock
then went back to normal.)
Bill-Gon: Get going. We'll handle this.
Bazaidala: Right, get going!
(The group left, except for Bill-Gon and Frog-Go.)
Frog-Go: Let's get him!
(Both Jedi took off their cloaks. We see their karate-like clothing underneath. DMTG
takes his off, also revealing a dark karaoke robe. He took out his lightsaber. Both sides
lit up. The heroes turned on their own lightsabers.
DMTG: I AM GREAT!
(The music goes on as the duel begins. Both Frog-Go and Bill-Gon tries to attack him
from either side, but he keeps blocking them. He started getting pushed down the hanger.
QC to Bazaidala and the guard who are going to escape. But then three KGB Destroyers
blocked off their escape route and fired at them. They took out a bit of them, while the
Queen and the Guards ran for cover.)
Bazaidala: Quick, fire back!
Guard: Yes madam!
(QC to Loud. He notices what's going on.)
Loud: OH MY GOSH! CHAR...I MEAN THE QUEEN IS IN TROUBLE!
Loud: GOOD IDEA! I'LL PRESS THE FIRING BUTTON!
(He presses the controls looking for the firing button. He press one, the cockpit
closes. He presses another one, it set the fighter he is on autopilot and it goes off its
landing area and into flight. Loud finally found the lasers and target the KGB
Loud: SHOOT AT HER, WILL YA?! TAKE THIS!
(He fires at the KGB Destroyer, destroying each of them. The others look confused and
then ran off again. However, Loud's fighter is still heading toward the exit, picks up
speed (choose one) and went into orbit.)
Loud: UH OH! BETTER PUT ON SOME SAFETY EQUIPMENT!
(He puts on a helmet. The ship left the cloud cover and into the atmosphere. Back to
the battle on the planet, The Soviets are now scattered throughout the area. The Gungans
are also scattered as well as Toast. He tries to avoid the danger. QC to the palace
hallway. The guards and the Queen are running down it. They stopped. A bunch of Soviets
are at the other end. They took cover and start shooting at them. The guards also took
cover and fired back.)
Bazaidala: Blast! At this rate, the viceroy will get away and get more droids!
(Back to battle in space. The fighters are around the ship now. However, their shots
aren't doing any damage. Neither are their torpedoes. They can't even hit the shield
generators (if any). Worse, a bunch of Soviet fighters are still in space.)
Florence Pilot: We can't get through their shield!
Ike: We're doomed!
(Return to hanger. The Episode I music plays again. Bill-Gon and Frog-Go are still
fighting DMTG. They managed to push him to an exit out of the hanger. DMTG is almost to
the door. He then kicks Frog-Go in the face, making him go flying back. Frog-Go got up
Frog-Go: He kicked me!
Bill-Gon: Never mind that! Help me out!
(DMTG backed off from Bill-Gon for a moment. He uses his Force to throw a metal thingy
into the button of a door. The door opened up and DMTG duels Bill-Gon again. QC to where
they are now. It's the power area of the Threed Palace. There are a bunch of energy fields
and energy waves. There are also catwalks there. Frog-Go and Bill-Gon back DMTG to the
edge of one of the catwalks. They stop. Camera zoom on DMTG's face. Then to Bill-Gon's
face. Then to Frog-Go's face. The Jedi went forward at once, but DMTG did a back flip to
land to a catwalk behind. The Jedi did the same thing. They duel again. Battle to Naboo
battle. One of the Soviet shots hit one of the shield generators. It was destroyed. The
Gungans freaked out as the tanks went at them. The good army made a run for it. Toast
freak out and duck under a glowing orb catapult. However it takes off also. Toast runs for
the catapult. However, doing so loosen the orbs from the platform and they rolled to the
ground. Toast ran away from them toward the tanks. Some of the orbs roll past him and
destroy a few Soviets and tanks. A rider on an elephant grabs Toast while moving away.
Unfortunately, a tank shot destroys the elephant and sends Toast flying.)
(Toast lands on the barrel of a tank...on his sensitive area. He groans a little. An
elephant runs next to the Soviet tank. The Gungan Chief is on it.)
Gungan Chief: Quick, Toast! Use one of the boomers!
Toast: Dude! I don't have a boomer!
(The Gungan Chief pulls out one. The Battle Soviet came out of the tank behind Toast.
He is aiming at Toast. Toast grabs the boomer, but slips and the boomer hit the Soviet. It
exploded causing the tank to go out of control. It spins around and digs into the earth.
Toast gotten thrown off but manages to hold onto the barrel. The Gungan Chief came over to
him. He grabs onto his leg.)
Gungan Chief: Jump, Toast!
Toast: Dude, no way!
(The tank became too much for the elephant to handle and it capsizes (whatever that
means). The force tosses the Gungan Chief off and he pulled Toast with him. They fell to
the ground. Back to space battle, Loud is now in space and is approached the Russian Space
Loud: HEY THERE IS THE SPACE STATION THE QUEEN WAS TALKING ABOUT!
R2-PU: Poof...beep beep....gah.
(A bunch of Soviet fighters came flying at him at once. They were firing at him.)
Loud: QUICK, R2! GET US OUT OF AUTO-PILOT!
(R2-PU did so, and the autopilot went off. Loud cheers.)
Loud: GOOD! NOW LET'S SEE WHAT THIS BABY CAN DO!
(He twists his fighter around missing a few shots. A fighter went after him, but Loud
manages to outmaneuver it. He went around the Russian Space Station. Back to Palace
battle, the guards and droids are still firing at each other.)
Bazaidala: Blast! This isn't working!
Washanka: Let me try something!
(He aims and shoots at a nearby window. The glass shatters around.)
Bazaidala: That is good! Half of you come with me!
(Half of the guards broke off with Washanka and Bazaidala. They run to the window. They
got out into the awning. Bazaidala got out what appears to be some sort of grappling hook.
She attaches it to her
blaster. The others did so as well. They all fired at once and the hooks caught onto
the next window. They go to the next level and opened the window and went into a corridor
that's empty. They ran down it, towards the throne room. Back to Jedi duel, the three
fighters are now on a catwalk in front of some energy circuit thingy. DMTG is still
between Bill-Gon and Frog-Go, but doesn't have any trouble holding them back. The music is
still the same. DMTG gave Frog-Go another kick to the face, which sent him off the
catwalk. Fortunately, Frog-Go grabbed onto another catwalk. He pulls himself onto it. He
looks up and notices Bill-Gon and DMTG are still battling.)
Frog-Go: I have to go...
(He stopped and notices a huge orchestra and choir. There's some sort of gray hair
conductor in front of them. They are doing the song that's playing right now. The
conductor then notices Frog-Go and stopped. The orchestra and choir stopped as well. The
sound effect is still going on.)
Frog-Go: Uh, who are you?
Conductor: Oh sorry. My name is John Williams. This is my orchestra and choir for The
(A few of them waved at Frog-Go. Frog-Go looks confused.)
John Williams: Anyway, get back to the fight, Froggo. The big scene with Bill Straitman
and Alexander the Great is coming up.
John Williams: No time to explain! I don't know why we are here! Just get going!
Pretend you didn't see us, okay?
(He turned back to the orchestra)
John William: Ok people, from the 16th page of "Duel of the Fates". We are
doing "Qui-Gon's Death.")
Frog-Go: Who? Ah, never mind.
(The choir played again as Frog-Go jumped up to the next level and noticed DMTG being
forced back by Bill-Gon into a corridor that leads to another area, probably to an
inactive circuit channel thingy. There's also a huge pit there. The barriers are in the
way and they are closer to them. Frog-Go ran toward them with his lightsaber on. He ran to
get there, while Bill-Gon is forcing the evil Sith down the corridor. The energy field
deactivated in time to avoid him getting killed. But Bill-Gon is forcing him down it
anyway. Frog-Go ran toward them, but when he passes the first barrier, the second
activated again. Frog-Go stop in time.)
(Bill-Gon and DMTG are still dueling but stopped when an energy field activates between
them, stopping them. They are almost to the end, by the way. Both look at the field and
each other. They turned off their lightsabers. DMTG glares evilly at Bill-Gon)
DMTG: When this thing turns off, you are so dead!
Bill-Gon: You are not so great! You are pretty good!
DMTG: (roars angrily)
(Bill-Gon sits down and meditate. Back to space battle, more fighters are after Loud
now, since he takes the longest to go down. It's also hard for them to avoid them. He
spins around the station again, coming close to one of the openings. Then one of the
Soviet's laser shots hits his wing. There is a bunch of sparks and the engine started to
(His fighter spiral smoking into the Russian Space Station. It went through the
corridors with the Soviets in it before coming to a stop. Luckily it didn't slammed into
the wall. QC to cockpit. Loud try to start up the controls again. Nothing happened.)
Loud: BLAST AGAIN!
(He looked up and notices a bunch of Battle Soviets running toward him.)
Loud: OH CRUD!
(Back to battlefield. Toast and the Gungan Chief is surround by Soviets, manning their
guns. The two look worried.)
Gungan Chief: Don't just stand there! Do something!
(Toast thoughts and shrugs.)
Toast: Ask Me If I Care.
Gungan Chief: Do you care?
Toast: (gulps) I do now!
(Palace scene. The guards and Queen are still running down the hall. Suddenly, two KGB
Destroyers appeared to stop them. Another pair appeared on the other side. The group is
now surrounded. More Battle Soviets appeared to surround them. Bazaidala looks around and
Bazaidala: Give up. They won this round. (Sighs) I'm not happy.
Washanka: Pretty wild stuff, huh?
(Duel. DMTG and Bill-Gon are still facing each other. The field started to lower.
Bill-Gon and DMTG quickly ignite both their lightsabers and went at it again. Frog-Go wait
until the last one is clear; then ran down toward the corridor again. Unfortunately, the
last one activated on him, stopping him.)
Frog-Go: Blast! Did I already say that?
(QC to duel between Bill-Gon and DMTG. Bill-Gon started forcing him around the ring of
the pit. Suddenly Bill-Gon lost his edge because DMTG stopped him from forcing him around
the ring of the pit. Bill-Gon tries again, but is losing his ability to defend. To
Frog-Go's horror, DMTG knocks Bill-Gon's lightsaber away and use the other end, on a drama
note, to impale Bill-Gon. Bill-Gon is both shocked and surprised. QC to Frog-Go.)
Bill-Gon: Did you just impale me?
(DMTG pulls out his lightsaber.)
Bill-Gon: Thought so. Ugh!
(He felled to the ground. He didn't moved again. DMTG walked over to where Frog-Go is
trapped, who is very angry with him.)
DMTG: You are next, you little frog!
Frog-Go: This is supposed to be a Kids WB parody! You'll die for that!
DMTG: Oh I'm so scared...(pauses) and great.
(QC to throne room. The Queen and guards are there,
since they were led to it. They are surrounded by droids and are now facing Marx and
Engels: Well, your majesty, this is where your refusal comes to an end.
Marx: Sign the treaty and we'll go easy on you!
Marx: It's best for you to do so anyway! You have no choice!
Voice: You are not doing anything!
(Everyone in the rooms turned to the doorway. The fake Queen and her armed handmaidens
are there. The fake Queen is still dressed as the Queen.)
Fake Queen: Try to get me now, sweetie!
(All of them fired at the Soviets, destroying a lot of them. They ran off.)
Marx: After her! This one's a fake!
(Most of the Soviets left. Bazaidala, in the confusion, ran to her throne and open some
sort of armrest. There are blasters in there. She grabs one and gave one to Captain
Washanka. Washanka quickly took out all the Soviets in the room. A guard ran to the door,
close it, and locked it. The other guards grabbed the weapons on the floor. Everyone in
the room is now pointing their weapons at the two Russians.)
Bazaidala: Now Viceroy, we'll do things OUR way!
Marx: Oh dear.
(QC to room with Frog-Go and DMTG. He's still waiting for the energy field to come down
again, while Frog-Go is doing the same thing. When it does, the two turns their
lightsabers on again and went at each other. He's attacking fast. DMTG is using his own
skills to try to defend against him. Soon he started to lose it. Frog-Go manages to swipes
in the middle of his lightsaber, cutting it in half. DMTG grabs one end, now a regular
lightsaber, and duel some more. He manages to get the hang of a regular lightsaber. It
looks like the battle is even. But then, DMTG hits him the face with a cheap shot. He then
kicks him in the stomach. Frog-Go lost his balance as fell into the pit. He manages to
grab some sort of outcropping from a side of the pit. He holds his balance. DMTG walked
over to the pit, then he kicked Frog-Go's lightsaber into the pit. It is now impossible
for Frog-Go to get it now.)
DMTG: Try getting it now you little frog!
Frog-Go: Darn it!
(Back to Russian Space Station. The Battle Soviets had surrounded the ship now. They
were about to fire at it, when...)
Loud: QUICK, R2, HELP ME OUT!
R2-PU: Poop...whistle whirr whirr...gee.
(He manages to fix the ship and the ship started up. The shields went up. It takes off
from it position. The Soviet fired at him, but the shots didn't connect. Loud manages to
hit some Soviets. The ship heads toward the exit. Loud noticed several Soviets ahead of
Loud: TAKE THIS!
(He fired his lasers, destroying some Soviets.)
Loud: AND THIS!
(He presses a button, which fired some energy torpedoes. They missed the Soviets, but
headed towards the power core. It connects and the core blows up.)
Loud: Uh oh...uh gotta go!
(He pulls the star fighter up and took off. QC to bridge.)
Russian: Sir! We're losing power!
Leon: Oh no! This is the end for us!
(Back to battle outside. The Soviet fighters stopped firing and stopped flying
altogether. The Naboo fighters are still flying about. QC to Ike's cockpit.)
Ike: What happened?
(QC to Florence)
Florence pilot: It's blowing up from inside!
Ike: That means some crazy pilot got inside somehow!
(We now see an automobile flying out of the hanger of the ship. It joined the rest of
the fighters. A bunch of explosions went around all over the ship. Then it exploded.
(BOOM!) It's bigger than any ship explosion.)
Ike: And it's gone!
Florence: Wow! Who knew that pilot had it in him?
(Back to planet. The Soviets started growing rigid. Then they felled over. All the
Gungans relaxed. Toast is puzzled.)
Toast: Dude what happened?
Gungan Chief: The ship been destroyed! The battle is over!
Toast: Oh...in that case, hooray!
(The Gungans celebrated. Back to the pit, Frog-Go is still struck down there. DMTG is
still trying to knock him in. It's working well so far. Frog-Go is starting to lose his
Frog-Go: I can't give up now! But what to do?
(He thinks for a moment, then smiled and uses The Force to focus on Bill-Gon's
lightsaber. DMTG looks puzzled.)
DMTG: What the heck are you doing?!
(The next thing is in slow motion. Frog-Go forced himself upward with only his hands to
fly back over the edge of the pit and over DMTG. He flipped and come down on the other
side of him. He uses the Force to get Bill-Gon's lightsaber. DMTG turned around. Too late,
as Frog-Go angrily swipes his blade, cutting DMTG in half. DMTG looked surprised.)
DMTG: Did you just swiped at me just now?
Frog-Go: Uh, yes?
DMTG: Though so. Ugh!
(The villain fell backward into the pit, never to be seen again. Frog-Go ran over to
Bill-Gon and bend down next to him. He raises his head up.)
Frog-Go: Don't die on me man!
Bill-Gon: I...can't. I'm...going...soon.
Frog-Go: Oh no!
Bill-Gon: Promise me...you'll...train...Loud...He is...the Chosen...One...
Frog-Go: I will, Bill-Gon. I will.
(Bill-Gon closes his eyelids for the last time. Frog-Go started to cried. Much later,
the city is now calmed and everyone is released. The Soviets are now gone. The guards now
fill up the area. There's an assembly on the ground below. It's a clear day. A ship from
Coruscant landed in a clearing in the City Square. QC to group consists of Captain
Washanka, Queen Bazaidala (in Queen stuff), Frog-Go Kenobi, and Loud Skywalker. Marx and
Engels are in front of them being watch by guards forming a line to the Republic ship.)
Bazaidala: Now you'll have to go back to Senate and explain all this!
Washanka: I think you can kiss your trade federation goodbye, huh?
Engels: Well, we lost.
Marx: Don't worry; it ain't over till the fat lady sings.
Marx: Yes, and unfortunately she already sung.
(The two are escorted to the ship. Several guards and now-Chancellor Nixonstine comes
out. Several Jedi are behind them. Take a guess whom.)
Bazaidala: Congratulations on your election, Chancellor Nixonstine.
Nixonstine: Thank you your highness. I ensure you that everything will be good again.
Nixonstine: But the planet is in your debt for saving it. I just don't know what to
Bazaidala: Don't. I got help.
(Nixonstine walked over to Frog-Go and Loud.)
Nixonstine: I'm sorry that your master, Bill-Gon Jinn is now dead.
Frog-Go: Wait a minute...how did you know that?
Nixonstine: I, uh, heard about it ahead of time. And you, young Skywalker, we'll shall
watch your career in interest. (Thinks) When you become my Sith slave and serve only the
Nixonstine: Oops, I meant something else.
(He walked off, leaving some people confused.)
Frog-Go: That's weird.
(QC to a bit later, in a solitary room in Theed Palace. Frog-Go is in there, with
Nostrada passing in front of him.)
Nostrada: Oh right, Shut Up! Me and the other Jedi think you did very, very, very good
against that evil Sith guy and so forth! And, Shut Up, and we'll give you the trials
tomorrow so you can become a Jedi Knight.
Frog-Go: Thank you, master Nostrada.
Nostrada: Speaking of Jedi, as for your request on taking the loud kid as your padawan,
Frog-Go: Bill-Gon believed in him! He wants me to do it!
Nostrada: Ok, Shut Up, he might be the Chosen One, he might be not. But I fear that
someday something very, very, very evil will happen in his training and you probably won't
live long to regret that decision. Shut Up!
Frog-Go: Look, I'll train the boy, with or without your permission if I must.
Nostrada: Shut Up! I see...something of Bill-Gon in you! Need that, you do not!
Nostrada: Be forgetting it, Shut Up! (Sighs) The boy is now your padawan trainer.
(He left, leaving a smiling Frog-Go behind. QC to later. The sun is now down. Frog-Go,
Loud, Queen Bazaidala, Captain Washanka, Toast, Boss Hun, the Gungan, Chancellor
Nixonstine, Nostrada, Thomas, and everyone else I can't fit in here had gathered in some
sort of burial area in Theed. Bill-Gon's body is lying on a pyre (whatever that is). The
body is now burning. QC to Loud and Frog-Go.)
Loud: I can't believe he's dead. I thought Jedi would live forever...I guess I was
Frog-Go: Don't you worried. You'll see him again. Maybe not alive, but someday.
Loud: I guess so, but what would happen to me now?
Frog-Go: I'm going to train you as a Jedi.
Loud: What??? Really???
Frog-Go: The Jedi Council gave me permission to do so. You WILL be a Jedi someday, I
Loud: Thanks, I guess.
(QC to Master Thomas and Master Nostrada)
Thomas: No doubt that the jerk is indeed a Sith. I am glad he's dead so he won't brag
about how great he is.
Nostrada: Always two there are, no more, no less. A master, and his apprentice.
Nostrada: Shut Up!
Thomas: But question is, which did we destroy? The master? Or the apprentice?
(Camera scrolls down the crowd until it stopped on Chancellor Nixonstine.)
Chancellor Nixonstine: (angrily) Get that camera out of my face!!!
(Sorry. QC to a huge parade the next day. Fireworks are going off and more stuff is
happening I can't get it all. Everyone is cheering or whatever. Toast, Boss Hun and the
Gungan are riding separate elephants. Ahead are the Jedi Masters, Frog-Go, Loud (now
dressed as a Jedi), Chancellor Nixonstine, and Queen Bazaidala, changed yet again. (Whoop
baby!) She holds some sort of glowing orb in her hands. (Must be a peach symbol.) Once the
trio is near, they are got off. Toast fell to the ground hard. But he got up and shook it
off. They walked over to the platform. Toast joined his friends while Boss Hun and The
Gungan walked over to the Queen. She presents Boss Hun with the glowing orb. He nods and
holds it up over his