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Microsoft Announces Wonder Woman 1984 XBox Giveaway

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Fighting for your rights in their satin tights, here come three superheroic XBox One consoles, decorated in the style of Amazonian crimefighter Wonder Woman! Microsoft and Warner Bros revealed them today. Just look at them sparkle.

One wonders if these models were sitting around in storage for months while WW84 slipped from release date to release date, just waiting to be revealed. But now that WB has at last settled on an October 2 theatrical release date (whether it’s safe or not), they can reveal the giveaway, as well as the purpose it serves.

Microsoft says this first one is inspired by Wondy’s suit of armor from the forthcoming movie, but to us it more closely resembles a purse. Get this…the shell is actually gold-plated. It’ll be the gaudiest thing in your den!

Next up is the Lasso of Truth XBox One, featuring a lasso replica encircled around the Wonder Woman logo and foil-stamped in the wild jagged rainbow pattern of the official poster. It comes with an equally-as-wild controller.

Finally there’s this completely ridiculous faux-snakeskin job inspired by Cheetah, Wondy’s enemy from the film. It comes with its own leopard print jacket and spikes on the left corner for extra edge. This XBox wears its sunglasses at night.

Everyone has a chance at winning one of these, though the methods of entering differ. The gold-plated XBox will be given away through auction, with the winning bid donated to the humanitarian charity Together for Her. The ropey XBox will be given to one random person who retweets the sweepstakes announcement from XBox’s own Twitter account. As for how you get the furred and spiked XBox…no one knows yet.

Unfortunately, there’s a bit of fine print at the end of this announcement. Most limited editions with crazy designs are also fully functional units, but not these. “Please note, that all the Xbox is for display ONLY, not gameplay.” They don’t work.

No matter how dolled up it is, what’s the point in owning an XBox One if it doesn’t turn on?? Fortunately Microsoft will be giving the winner TWO consoles: one Wonder Woman-painted, and one normal machine that actually plays games. That’s more like it.