The Warners Are Quicker Than The Eye: an Animaniacs fanfic


Well-Known Member
Here's an Animaniacs fanfic I thought I'd try out where Yakko, Wakko and Dot all go to a magic show put on by Merlin the Magic Mouse, the late 1960s Looney Tunes character, who already isn't thrilled by the kids. So of course, Merlin ends up being the Warner siblings' fall guy as per usual!


At a performance theater somewhere in Burbank, the rodent magician Merlin the Magic Mouse was straightening his bowtie as he looked in his dressing room mirror. Behind him was a smaller mouse in a yellow turtleneck sweater, his kid assistant Second Banana.

"Ah, Second Banana, my boy," Merlin was saying, "it's good to be back in the L.A. area, for my adoring fans. I'm betting we're sold out tonight!"

"If you say so, Merlin," Second Banana said, rolling his eyes.

Sure enough, at the ticket window outside the theater, the Warner siblings Yakko, Wakko and Dot were the only ones to buy tickets to see Merlin's magic show.

Yakko was reading the marquee out loud. "Now appearing: Merlin the Magic Mouse."

"Gee," Dot said, "I wonder if he's brought King Arthur with him?" She let out a dreamy sigh.

"Only if he's also not a mouse wearing glasses," Wakko pointed out.

"No, that's an aardvark," Yakko corrected.

Wakko looked amazed. "Well, whaddaya know?"

"Come, siblings," Yakko announced. "Let's get our seats."

Backstage, it was close to showtime. "Two minutes to curtain, my boy," Merlin said. "Go count the house."

"Yes, Merlin," Second Banana said as he went to take a peek through the curtains. "So far I only see three strange-looking kids."

"Kids?!" Merlin exclaimed, not amused.

"Oh, come on, Merlin," Second Banana said. "Kids love your magic tricks. Including me!"

"Little varmints," Merlin muttered to himself. Then he straightened his bowtie and said, "Let's get this show on the road."

"Yes, sir!" Second Banana said. He hurried over to a turntable wired up to the theater's speaker system and started up the fanfare record, and then raised the curtains.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen… er, boys and girls," Merlin began as he tipped his hat.

The Warner siblings applauded and whistled. "Good trick!" Yakko exclaimed.

"I haven't even started yet!" Merlin pointed out. The Warner siblings laughed at that. Merlin grumbled under his breath, and then began, "Now for my first trick." He took off his top hat and explained, "As you can see, my hat is completely empty. Now I shall extract from it, a live rabbit." He waved his hand and said, "Atascadero Escondido!" Then he reached into the hat and pulled out Wakko Warner! "What the?!" Merlin exclaimed. "You're not my rabbit!"

"Faboo," Wakko simply said.

"Get out of there and back to your seat!" Merlin ordered as he turned his hat upside down and dumped Wakko out, who returned back to his seat. "Let me try again," Merlin said, starting to wave his hand in front of his hat again. "Atascadero Escondido!" he repeated and pulled out Babs Bunny of Tiny Toon Adventures! "You're not my rabbit either!" Merlin angrily said, holding Babs by the ears.

"It's a toon thing," Babs Bunny nonchalantly said. Then when Merlin released his grip, Babs leaped off the stage, and gave a high-five to Dot Warner.

"You go, girl!" Dot told Babs.

As Babs left the theater, Merlin eyed the Warner siblings in their seats. "How'd you kids pull that off?" he demanded.

"Magicians don't reveal their secrets," Yakko said.

"But I'M the magician!" Merlin insisted. He grumbled a bit and then said, "Never mind. And now for my next piece of prestidigidita… er, prestitiditigi… er, legerdemain, I need a volunteer from the audience, yes…" He saw the three Warners raise their hands and sighed. "How about you, the tall one?"

"Oh goody-goody-goody!" Yakko enthusiastically said as he quickly rushed from his seat onto the stage. "What's this trick? Ahhh… sawing me in half?"

"Nope," Merlin said. He held up several playing cards and said, "Here, pick a card, any card." As Yakko took one, Merlin instructed, "Now don't show it to me. Memorize it, and… slip it right into the middle of the deck." Yakko did so. Then Merlin announced, "I will now make your card rise to the top of the deck. Atascadero Escondido!" He tapped the deck with his magic wand three times, and then picked up the top card and showed it to Yakko, asking, "Was this your card?"

"No," Yakko nonchalantly said, "my card was eight of spades, not the three of clubs."

"What?!" Merlin asked in disbelief.

"Uh-huh," Wakko added from the audience.

"We could see it from here," Dot commented.

"But… that's impossible," Merlin said. He grabbed the deck and flipped the cards over, adding, "Look, all of my cards are the three of clubs! It's just a trick deck!" Indeed, they were all just three of club cards.

"And I thought you were a magician!" Dot Warner scolded, faking disillusionment.

"Wait a minute! Ahhh…." Yakko said, picking up one of the three of club cards. He flicked it in his right hand and showed it to his siblings in the audience, announcing "HERE is my card! The eight of spades!"

As Dot and Wakko applauded, Merlin demanded, "Let me see that!" and snatched the card out of Yakko's hand. Sure enough, it was now an eight of spades card! "But… how did you… why did you… where did you…" Merlin stammered.

"Ah-bup-bup!" Yakko said. "We never reveal our secrets, unlike you, you Hanna-Barbera reject."

Merlin growled and ordered Yakko, "Back to your seat!"

"Uh-uh," Yakko said as he shook his head in refusal.

"Fine then!" Merlin waved both his hands at Yakko and announced "Atascadero Escondido!" To which Yakko disappeared.

"HEY!" Wakko yelped. "Where'd our brother go?!"

"Bring him back!" Dot demanded.

But Yakko popped out of Merlin's left arm sleeve and said to Merlin, "Nothing up your sleeve. Yeah, right!" He slid out of the sleeve holding a "Playmouse" magazine.

"HEY!" Merlin furiously shouted, swiping it away from Yakko and slipping it back underneath his jacket. "Gimme that!"

Yakko blew a kiss to the audience and said "Goodnight, everybody!"

And with that, Merlin picked up Yakko in both hands and tossed him right into the audience! Luckily Yakko managed to land in his original seat. Wakko and Dot began cheering and clapping.

"Good trick!" Dot cheered.

Merlin facepalmed his forehead and moaned, "What am I gonna do? You kids keep messing up my acts!"

"Well, you've only done two," Wakko pointed out.

"If you will just LET ME," Merlin ordered, "I can do a third trick!"

"Well, let's see it…" Yakko said.

"Very well, yes…" Merlin said, sounding a bit relieved. "My next trick will involve me escaping from a…" Loud munching and eating sounds interrupted him. Sure enough, Merlin looked out into the house and saw Yakko, Wakko and Dot all noisily snacking on popcorn! Bits of butter and popcorn were flying through the air around them as they ate messily. "Keep it down!" he ordered them. "I can't perform my tricks with all of those disgusting noises!"

"You want disgusting?" Wakko asked him. "I'll give you disgusting!" And then he began spitting unpopped popcorn kernels out of his mouth like a machine gun right at Merlin!

"Ow!" the magic mouse yelped as the kernels fired and bounced off him. "Stop! Desist! Cease fire!"

As Wakko stopped spitting out kernels like bullets, Yakko asked Merlin, "Cease and desist? Does that mean you're gonna sue us?"

"SHUT UP!" Merlin snarled. Then he continued, "For my next trick, I will escape from a locked safe. Second Banana, bring out the safe!"

Second Banana pushed and heaved a decent-sized metal safe with combination lock on its' door out onto the center of the stage.

Merlin did the combination and opened the safe, announcing to the Warners, "Watch, as I lock myself in here and manage to escape!" And he leaped into the safe as Second Banana shut the door. "It's dark in here," Merlin's voice came from inside the safe, "but I can do this in no time. And now I will… AAAAH! WHAT THE?!" he yelped.

"You're 'safe' in here!" Yakko said from inside the safe!

The safe began bouncing around as Merlin was heard squabbling with the Warners. "SECOND BANANA MY BOY!" Merlin yelled. "FORGET THE TRICK! SAVE ME!"

Second Banana ran after the safe, leaped at the combination, unlocked it and opened the safe door. Merlin tumbled out first, followed by the Warner siblings, who all gave him a big kiss on the nose!

"Get off of me!" Merlin angrily ordered the siblings, to which they leaped off the stage back into their seats. "Drat!" Merlin cursed. "That's it. I've had it! You filthy little varmints are ruining my show." He turned to the side of the stage and called out, "Manager!"

But Yakko, Wakko and Dot stepped from the side onto the stage, stacked up in a business suit with Yakko's head poking out the top of the shirt collar wearing a brown wig. "Any trouble, sir?" Yakko coyly asked.

"WHAT?!" Merlin asked in disbelief. He quickly glanced over at the house to see the Warners' seats were suddenly empty, and then looked back at the Warners in their business suit. "This isn't funny!" he told the siblings as he walked off and yanked off the suit to reveal their full selves stacked on one another, with Dot in the middle and Wakko on the bottom. "I'll have to use some real magic on you! Alakazam and all that jazz, lights out!"

Sure enough, the theater blacked out for a few seconds as a crash was heard. But then the lights came back on to reveal Merlin was now all bound up in chains.

"What the?!" Merlin exclaimed. He turned to the Warners, now standing on their own feet and Yakko not wearing his wig, and told them, "You three are supposed to be chained up, not me!"

"Sorry," Dot told him, "we're not into bondage."

Merlin grumbled to himself as he unlocked himself from the chains and slipped out. This prompted the Warner siblings to start applauding again. "Great trick!" Wakko complimented.

"That wasn't for entertainment!" Merlin insisted. He stormed off the stage to the theater entrance.

Yakko turned to you (the readers) and said, "We sure love giving new people we meet the complete Warner Siblings package!"

Merlin the Magic Mouse headed over to the ticket window, only to find Yakko, Wakko and Dot there wearing ticket seller outfits. "One for the money, two for show?" Dot asked.

Merlin gave a shocked reaction and ran back into the theater, only to find the Warner sibling standing on the stage in their normal outfits.

"Hellooooo, mouse!" Yakko, Wakko and Dot said in unison.

Merlin yelped again, bounced onto the stage, grabbed Second Banana and said "Quick, Second Banana! Let's get out of here!" as they rushed out the backstage exit. In an alleyway, Merlin pulled his magic carpet out of his hat and sat down on it with Second Banana, said "Hurry, magic carpet! Let's am-scray!"

And so, Merlin and Second Banana took off on their magic carpet in a flash. The Warner siblings ran out the stage door and called out in unison, "Wait! Come back!"

But it was too late; Merlin and Second Banana were already speeding through the air on their carpet.

"I don't know why we returned to Burbank anyways, my boy," Merlin told his sidekick. "There are too many crazy characters there."

But right after saying that, Merlin's top hat leaped off his head and onto the carpet, where Yakko, Wakko and Dot popped out of the hat. "Presto!" they all said in unison.

"Miss us yet?" Dot asked them.

Merlin and Second Banana both shrieked as the carpet began to descend. "This carpet can't fit all of us!" Merlin exclaimed, putting the top hat back on his head. "I'm lightening the load." And with that, he and Second Banana pushed the Warner siblings off of the carpet and quickly flew away.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot fell from a great height, screaming all the way. They even passed by Wile E. Coyote in the process of one of his famous great-height falls. Fortunately for the siblings, a pickup truck loaded with pillows in its cargo bed, labeled "AJAX PILLOW COMPANY," was driving along the desert road, and the Warners landed on the soft pillows.

"Aren't Deus Ex Machina's great?" Dot Warner told her brothers.

"Yeah," Yakko agreed, then added, "but, aaaahhh… I don't think we'll be giving that magician a positive review for Entertainment Weekly."


Starring the Voices Of

ROB PAULSEN as Yakko Warner
JESS HARNELL as Wakko Warner
TRESS MACNEILLE as Dot Warner and Babs Bunny

Music By

Animation Services


Mousetrap Setter



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