The Poetry Thread

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The (Not So) Bad Guy
Dec 3, 2017
United States
Anyone here write poetry? Yeah, me neither. But, I decided to start a thread anyway because I wrote a poem recently and I wanted to post it somewhere. It's called, "Ode to Paper Towels." It's a tongue-in-cheek metrical composition about a person who is a paper towel fanatic. I was inspired to write this poem from, believe it or not, my job. At my workplace, people always seem to take a ridiculous amount of paper towels when they are drying their hands, even though we have THREE hand dryers to the ONE paper towel dispenser! And they're the nice hand dryers, too. Not the wimpy ones that barely blow any air out. Anyway, here is the poem.

Ode to Paper Towels
By RainbowCupcake

Oh paper towels, how my love for thee is strong
Never has there been a day where you haven’t crossed my mind
I always await my next trip to the kitchen or restroom
Knowing you’ll be there, waiting longingly for my presence
Whenever I am about to use you, my senses tingle with joy
Thinking about the pleasurable experience I will soon endure
The soft, savory riiiip of you tearing apart from your roll
Like an ASMR medley I could listen to for hours on end
I can’t wait to indulge in your dry, scratchy surface
As I do each and every time the two of us converge
Although you are useful for many jobs
Such as soaking up spills, wiping away grind, or being a stand-in napkin
Your true life’s purpose is keeping my hands free of moisture
Who needs a high-powered electric blow dryer
Or reusable cotton towels when I have you, my love?
Sure, the U.S. may dispose of 13 billion paper towels every year
Resulting in 254 million tons of trash annually
And 20,000 gallons of precious water may be polluted
In order to make a single ton of your kind (CottageCare)
But all of that doesn’t matter
Because I prefer you over any other method of hand drying
One of the many traits I adore about you
Is the sheer variety you and your relatives come in
Sometimes, you’ll come in a rich, cocoa brown
Other times, it’ll be a smooth, creamy white
You may be thin, you may be thick
You may have super absorption
Or you may be a Plain Jane with no embellishments
On special occasions, when you’re feeling festive
You’ll have fun patterns printed onto your beautiful sides
Possibly even copyrighted characters due to a marketing ploy
Come as you are, because I love you in any form
Despite the fact that I can efficiently dry my hands with only one of you
I choose to take more because I can’t get enough of your sweet, sweet feel
Shall I use two, three, or four of you?
Perhaps five or six?
Each time I reach for you, it’s a mystery how many of you I will waste
Just to be certain my hands are completely free of aqua
Because even one drop on my baby soft skin is unacceptable
Luckily, I have you, darling, to eliminate that problem
I am so infatuated with everything about you
That I would like to make you mine
Our wedding will be held at a winery overlooking Napa Valley
And I shall wear a dress or tux made out of you in all your glory
Yes, people will stare
But they will do so in awe and envy
Saying things like, “Wow, I wish I had worn that to my wedding.”
Or, “This person is starting a trend in the wedding fashion industry.”
The Maid of Honor will be the Sparkle Paper Towel Fairy
And the Best Man will be the Brawny Paper Towel Man
Because, as you know, you’re always supported by the best mascots
And you’ll always be supported by me, my dearest, most beloved household product
I love you, and I’m willing to kill millions of trees just to have you

Feel free to add any poems of your own! They can be funny, sarcastic ones, like the poem I just wrote, or they can be serious works. You decide!
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