Fone Bone
Matt Zimmer
Forgive me for not knowing if Toon Zone already had one of these but the Anime Superhero search function currently isn't working. I figured since the show became Arrowverse canon after last season's crossover "Elseworlds" we could talk about it. I just watched the entire show on DC Universe and my review is below.
Please forgive the double (triple)-posts, Mods, as my reviews were too long to fit into a single post.
The Flash "Pilot"
I don't know what I expected 30 years later, but I have to say I'm a bit surprised at how normal the series is. I had expected something super campy. And anyone who calls this show that clearly does not remember the tone of every single drama in 1990. All of them were over-the-top and unrealistic. The Flash is not an especially campy show for the era. It's refreshingly grounded, to be honest.
There are good and bad things. The best thing is the soundtrack. TV shows simply do not sound like this anymore. It is awesome and feature-film quality.
The time-elapsed motion effects are really quite primitive. They work, but it's a bit amazing at how expensive the show was, and how long it took to complete each episode. It looks absolutely bare-bones compared to modern standards.
I'm ambivalent on the molded Flash suit. On the plus side John Wesley Shipp actually has pecs, so I can at least buy the molded muscles on that level.
The sets are terrible. Granted, most sets during that era were not great, but I am very aware that this is a TV set. The biker gang's lair would be at home on the original Doctor Who. It's not bad, but it's also totally fake-looking, and you can tell it's a dressed up set rather than an actual area.
Noticed small roles for Richard Belzer and Twin Peaks' Eric DaRe.
I love that Barry feels like the heel of the year when Tina tells him the person who died at the lab was her husband, and likewise when he cluelessly tells her she doesn't know what he's going through. Because he IS a heel in those moments.
I felt like all of the prisoners pouring out of the cells at once upon them being opened was too Batman '66. None of the prisoners are sitting in their bunks, and they spend all day standing right up to the bars on the off chance all of the cells are opened at once? It's a detail I dislike because even the most incompetent of modern shows wouldn't do it.
I thought when Barry and Iris were in bed and talking about something going too quickly that they were talking about something else.
Continuity alerts: Nora Allen is still alive and married to Henry. Barry has an unheard of brother named Jay who is killed off. Iris strikes me as an alarmingly shallow and terrible person, and is clearly the secondary love interest getting the way of Barry and Tina, which is weird. The Asian reporter says her name is Linda leading me to think she's Linda Park. StarLabs is a major presence, although it strikes me as far more sinister than the one in The Arrowverse. The show takes place in Central City. It feels sort of chilling to watch this entire series and realize every single person in it was killed by the Monitor in Elseworlds. If I were a huge fan of the show, I would be super PO-ed at the Arrowverse producers. As it stands, it makes the series a little creepy to watch in hindsight.
This is no more bizarre than Quantum Leap or other shows like it. ***1/2.
The Flash "Out Of Control"
As a rule, second episodes of TV shows tend to be worse than the Pilots. This is especially true of GOOD TV shows. So I always treat the sophomore episode a little bit gentle knowing this.
This problem here is that this was outright awful. It's concerning it's this bad early in the show's run. The Pilot movie was fine. It had its flaws, but it was watchable and decent. This is just...
The acting is terrible. And the pacing in the show is far too slow. For The Fastest Man Alive, Barry always takes his sweet time in getting there. And this has nothing to do with how crappy the effects are (although CW Barry would simply vibrate the glass to shatter it, instead of scratching out a circle in a ridiculously slow fashion). If the CW's Flash had effects this primitive it would still work because the pacing is fast enough. The problem with the show is that Flash is going up against normal people who shouldn't be giving him the slightest bit of trouble, and they make him look bad that they are.
Also, it appears the cast is far too small for an hour long series with this premise. People decry the CW soap opera of The Arrowverse all the time. But the truth is the extra characters lift a ton of the weight off Grant Gustin's shoulders, and make the Flash's plots more manageable than if they had to stretch every single Barry / Iris dilemma to last an entire episode by themselves. And I'm thinking the show probably would have been better off as a half-hour series. Unfortunately in 1990, networks were not in the habit of creating half hour shows with no comedy and no laugh tracks. But this was far too padded.
And yeah, the acting is outright bad, even for this era of television. This is the era of sharp camera angles and "dun dun dun" music, (by the late, great Shirley Walker) but that only works if the actors convince me the scenario IS actually this crazy, and they aren't just bad actors. They're bad actors here. Amanda Pays was totally unconvincing, which is sad because she has definitely grown as an actress in her later career.
On the other hand, I would have bashed the dialogue in the scene where Barry and Tina get into a spat and she accuses him of being jealous, but the truth is, that was pretty much how dialogue between the Will They Or Won't They couple went on every single show, good or bad during this era. I'm not going to penalize this show for the exact same terrible dialogue as between Sam and Diane from Cheers, and David and Maddie from Moonlighting, while those two shows were showered with awards and critically loved. It's just something I have to accept about television back then. It was as a rule, terrible. It's not terrific now, but our standards have been raised by some terrific stuff, so even a scene where the characters are jealous and denying it would be done with some actual nuance. I see similar scenes between the love interests now, but they are written and performed in a more credible way. But yeah, 1990 was a rough era for television. And it was still more grounded (as a rule) than previous stuff. Writing on television tends to get better year by year, no matter what the critics think. It's mostly because shows like the Flash and every show that came before it have spent over 70 years of TV history showing current producers what does and doesn't work. I fully expect most TV in ten years to be more well-written than TV is currently too. That's just the way taste and society seems to work.
For the record, dumb stuff will always have its place in society. In reality shows. Scripted stuff for adults will simply never be as bad as it used to be ever again. And that's fine. I'll take decent dramas and comedies while the fools enjoy Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty. But in order to get there we had to have shows like this one first.
Somehow I don't think the threat to "slap those guys' butts in prison" means what Lieutenant Garfield thinks it does.
Iris in Paris is this show washing their hands of her entirely. I don't mind. She wasn't memorable enough in the Pilot to merit a dramatic goodbye scene / dump. It's probably for the best.
Ultimately, I think even if this show is inferior to all of the other superhero shows that came around a couple of decades later, it's because of this show and rare other superhero shows like Lois And Clark which is why superhero shows are the way they are now. For good or ill, current Comic Book based television has learned what to do and what NOT to do because shows like this one were experimenting with the formula this early on. They set the tone and the learning curve. If I finish all 22 episodes and wind up thinking it's a crap series, I won't think less of it. Because the fact that it's a cr*p series informed better shows that came later about what did and didn't work. And as bad as this episode is, it's something I have to take into account whether it sucked or not. *1/2.
The Flash "Watching The Detectives"
Oh, man, I loved that.
I love how the series somehow manages to be both Noirish and hard-boiled. It's not exactly convincing, but none of hard-boiled Noir actually is, so it's consistent at least.
"Let's see how YOU look in red, Mr. Allen," was like the perfect way to end the teaser. SO great. I loved Megan Lockhart. Her actress was a knock-out too, which was VERY right for Noir.
For the record, Julio sucks at his job. While Barry is trying to interview the woman in the shop about what she saw, he's interrupting them with nonsense about the curios in the shop.
Dick Miller! Yay! I love the Flash using his powers to actually win 3-card Monty.
I felt less good about him using it to cheat a casino. That's actually against the law.
Seeing all of those huge fireball practical effects reminds me how totally unsafe Hollywood used to be. Nobody would ever use that much practical fire nowadays, much less let kids near it. What's weird is that current stuff seems less intense without it. But at the same time, I'll take more measured thrills for less dead stuntmen and actors, especially children. So, yeah. That was still pretty explosive. Literally.
I love that the firebug seems to be a Jesus freak. Tying the Flash into the devil felt appropriate too.
What a great episode. ****1/2.
The Flash "Honor Among Thieves"
I think the DC project this most resembles is Batman '89. It has the moody Noir city, the dark orchestrals, and the Flash mostly goes up against mobsters instead of supervillains. It's very clear they took the essence of Tim Burton's film and tried to translate it to television. As someone who has never believed either Burton film was actually all that good, they did a passable job in my book.
Ian Buchanan creeping like a 90's creeper.
Speaking of which, the topless woman falling into his arms reminds of something that most people don't realize is true. But television was a LOT sexier 30 years ago. This was slightly before NYPD Blue, but a scene like that happens almost as an afterthought with no fuss or no muss. The Arrowverse doesn't actually do too many sex scenes, but any time they do, they are clearly carefully choreographed to not upset the censors. Shows didn't actually have to do that back in 1990. They just showed random titillating crap and called it a day. There is no single person more responsible for ruining current television than Janet Jackson. It amazes me that because of her, this is such a freaking ordeal now. And that was almost twenty years ago. And it still hasn't gotten better since then. And this was an 8:00 PM family friendly show. Things have gotten WAY stricter in the meantime.
How is it that Julio still cannot tell Barry is the Flash? He's a dummy.
Is Celia Wayne related to Bruce? A black sheep if she is, for sure. "Fourth and Garrick" was almost certainly a comic book reference too.
I love the Flash stealing and then eating that whole turkey at end. It's just so random and funny that I appreciate it more than most of this show.
All in all, that was a bit dull. But on the other hand, I couldn't pick too much wrong with it either. Average episode in my book. ***.
The Flash "Double Vision"
The opening tracking shot of the Day of the Dead crowd at the beginning was very interesting because they went so long before they cut from it.
This episode makes it very clear to me why the series was over-budget and always running behind schedule. Take the scene of Barry eating that huge bowl of cereal in one go. Because they use time elapse photography for the speed effects, somebody had to sit in front of a camera and empty that entire bowl with a single spoon. Similarly, Flash stacking the Virgin Mary statues on the shelf would have also taken an amazingly long time and effort to film. There's not much benefit to that visually, is there? Unfortunately the only real speed effects they could afford was of Flash doing normal stuff really fast. And the stuff he seems to do is always so mundane.
This is Richard Belzer before he was in everything. I bet the dude's face was craggy in his teens.
Decent episode but I see why it only lasted a season. ***.
The Flash "Sins Of The Father"
The music during the chain gang scene at the beginning: Yup, that's a Shirley Walker score.
I found all of the tough guy talk very unconvincing and badly written and acted. They sound about as convincing as Saturday morning cartoon characters from the 1970's. No, you know what? The Flintstones. All of the crooks on The Flintstones sounded exactly like this.
One way the new show is vastly superior to the old, isn't because Nora is dead there. It's that Henry and Barry had an amazing and heartwarming relationship. I find Henry a bit annoying and jerkish on this show. John Wesley Shipp always struck me as a far more fabulous Henry than he was a Barry. And he was actually a decent Barry.
How can a blind guy recognize a ten dollar bill by feel? One of the most frustrating things about U.S. currency for blind people is that the bills are all the same size. You can't act like they aren't just to make a blind guy seem extra sharp. I doubt even Daredevil can read paper currency.
The thing with the dog and the glove was a bit tiresome. I sincerely doubt anyone would recognize the Flash's costume by a single glove. Has the Flash even been seen in public yet? Yeah, Henry gets a glimpse this episode but I hardly think he'd be putting two and two together. He is utterly nonplussed over Barry's ludicrous explanation as to why he's there. He doesn't strike me as the sharpest bulb. The episode is trying to make connections and plot turns that just aren't there.
There is something about Shipp's Flash that is very unlike Grant Gustin's. He acts a lot like Batman at times. The whole "urban legend" thing lends itself to that, but this Flash gets people to talk by threatening them with his freaky and scary-seeming powers. It's a very interesting dynamic. It doesn't strike me as off-key either, which is partly why I like it. It's just different.
Fun real-life factoid. Throwing knives at people from a distance doesn't actually work. Hicks shouldn't have been able to hit him, much less have the blade lodge perfectly in his spine. I suspend disbelief for Batman's sake. I don't do it for the human crooks.
I think Barry missed the boat in comforting his father about Donella's death. Henry believes Donella got killed because he involved him. Were Barry a tad smarter he'd point out that Hicks probably would have gone after the guy anyways, but at least he had a bit of warning. It's not much comfort because the warning didn't help, but it is something to say he was better off than if Henry kept this to himself.
Upon Henry's tantrum in the lab, I realized he was probably a really lousy police officer. Not just because he's too aggressive and doesn't understand modern police work. It's that he clearly has a hair-trigger temper, and doesn't do well under pressure. And what I loved is that Barry called him on it. How cool was that? It led to a bit of a (badly written) heart-to-heart, so it was clearly the right move.
Bad cop or not, he isn't useless. I really liked how in the scene in the dark he doesn't take Hick's bait to open up a dialogue and reveal his position.
I don't like the show wanting me to think Barry repeatedly beating Hicks in the face was overkill. I wasn't. If he had killed him, as far as I'm concerned, that woulda been a "clean shot". The guy refused to take his defeat for an answer, and kept getting back up and trying to kill the heroes while they are trying to wrap up. I do not think Barry is being unreasonable for making sure the guy is actually down. If he hadn't turned into Carrie's hand, we'd talk about police brutality, but the guy refused to take the hint.
Here is another problem: The thing with Henry and the bulldozer. Does Flash ALWAYS have to cut things so freaking close? The answer is no. Flash is the ONE hero who should never be cutting things close. I understand the need to make the character slightly incompetent because he isn't fighting supervillains outside of The Trickster. But Hicks never would have even GOTTEN into the bulldozer if Grant Gustin were on the job. Heck, he wouldn't even have gotten near it. It would have been a nonfactor, and we wouldn't even be talking about it. Shame, John Wesley Shipp. Shame.
The episode had a lot problems to put it mildly. **1/2.
The Flash "Child's Play"
Every generation you get one or two kid actors you see in EVERYTHING. Fred Savage was one such actor in the 1980's as were Corey Feldman and River Phoenix. Max Charles is a current example. Back in the early 90's it was Jonathan Brandis. He committed suicide later on, so I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but he did not have the raw talent Fred Savage and River Phoenix did. I need to be mindful that SeaQuest is not actually his fault, but I don't blame Wil Wheaton for Star Trek either, and thought his turn in Stand By Me was amazing. Brandis either never got a great role, or never turned a good one into that. But he was in everything in the early 90's.
Here is an observation about this episode and television in general back then: The kid is real zero. He's a loathsome little twerp. TV back then was so weird because whenever it had random orphans that the various heroes encountered, they were always this specifically unlikable and rude. And it bothers me that I don't see the selling point of any show doing that. Do the producers think we WANT to see Barry help a kid who treats everyone like garbage? He's a loser of a human being. Juvie is the best place for him. Why does the show want me to think differently? If they did, they could have you know, TRIED making me like the character. It's not hard. I don't understand why TV back then always made things with kids in them such a chore to watch. The reason people who watch TV hate fictional kids is because it's clear the writers do too and are taking it out on their characters. And I'm not going to say virtuous kids are more interesting or better than badly behaving ones. Wesley Crusher is proof that's not true (although I think that kid was a little more rotten than the producers intended him to be). But would it be too much to ask for a kid who isn't a total creep, and the kind of loud-mouthed person you always cross the street to get away from? There has to be a line between a profane, preteen smoker and Wesley Crusher. And the fact that TV back then didn't seem to even KNOW that which is why TV is much better today.
Here is a sad fact: It's not MUCH better. While kids on TV are more varied and well-rounded nowadays, this specific kind of twerp is still a thing. This kid is Joffrey before Jack Gleason was even born. It puzzles me the show is asking me to sympathize and root for Joffrey. At least I'm supposed to and allowed to hate Joffrey. I don't get television back then. At all.
As annoying as the kids are, it's not like the villains were any better-written. The writing in this episode was just lousy in general. Unfortunately, when you involve kids in a project that doesn't usually have then a SMART show will up their game in response. Believe it or not, that's what Star Trek usually did. Every other kid but Wesley was all right on that show. But the villains here are dumb too.
The Batman and Superman movies are playing at the local theater. The actual real-world movies. Nope, I don't accept that. I never accepted David E Kellly's meta b.s. over his characters in various shows that had crossed over referencing the shows themselves in unrelated episodes, and I don't accept this. This is Wookies on Endor for me: That Does Not Make Sense.
Is it just me or did that drug deal play out far too long? The undercover cop got far too beat up considering Barry watched the whole thing. As far as Speedsters go, this version of the Flash is awfully slow.
Since when does bean dip cause cancer? Pretty sure there's no cholesterol in it either. The writers on this show are outright dumb.
I can't tell what is the worse idea: Having the couple of sociopathic kids help out in a vet's office, or Barry thinking the best thing for a grieving widow's mental health would be to look after a couple of psychopathic nightmares. Did I mention TV back then was stupid?
For the record, there is no boy that age that would ever send away a hot young woman wearing that particular skimpy outfit. Particularly since the episode hints he's actually straight.
West? Related to Iris and Wally, or does the show merely not know what it is doing? I'm guessing the latter.
As far as villains go, I think hippies were even dated in 1990. No credible show back then would use them in this way. That's strictly Batman '66 stuff.
Speaking of Batman adaptations, it amazes me how much this show owes Tim Burton's first Batman film. The Dark Deco is the biggest thing it takes from it. The other thing is weird because it doesn't actually NEED to borrow it. But almost all of the Flash action scenes take place at night. That's a Batman specific thing. Most other heroes stop bank robbers in the middle of the day. But Flash takes on drug dealers and mob bosses in the middle of the night. Which is very strange to me.
Here's an unusual opinion: Shirley Walker's music for the prison fight was awful. The scene was awful, but the music helped nothing. If anything, it made it even worse. More bad music is during Flash giving Terry a "ride". Hearing the kid scream "Awesome!" is exactly as insufferable as you imagined it would be. Also terrible was Flash with the guitar and the kid punching out the woman. If this episode wasn't the lowlight of Walker's entire career, I'd be shocked.
Flash wrecking the dude's car: I can't help but remember what Batman once said to Alfred on Batman: The Animated Series: Between a couple of guys, that's REAL personal.
Two good things to note before I close the books on this lousy episode.
1. The show dealt with Flash being able to vibrate through walls for the first time, as well as the idea that his fast metabolism makes him immune to booze and drugs.
2. As awful as the villains were, I have to concede as far as evil plans go, turning the entire city into drug addicts did not suck. It's no blotting out the sun for sure, but it's actually a really good plan as far as a villain on this show goes. And even if I hated the rest of the episode, I'll give it that. Drug dealers creating their own mass market by force is a very clever and sinister plan.
But yes, I DID hate the rest of the episode. *.
Please forgive the double (triple)-posts, Mods, as my reviews were too long to fit into a single post.
The Flash "Pilot"
I don't know what I expected 30 years later, but I have to say I'm a bit surprised at how normal the series is. I had expected something super campy. And anyone who calls this show that clearly does not remember the tone of every single drama in 1990. All of them were over-the-top and unrealistic. The Flash is not an especially campy show for the era. It's refreshingly grounded, to be honest.
There are good and bad things. The best thing is the soundtrack. TV shows simply do not sound like this anymore. It is awesome and feature-film quality.
The time-elapsed motion effects are really quite primitive. They work, but it's a bit amazing at how expensive the show was, and how long it took to complete each episode. It looks absolutely bare-bones compared to modern standards.
I'm ambivalent on the molded Flash suit. On the plus side John Wesley Shipp actually has pecs, so I can at least buy the molded muscles on that level.
The sets are terrible. Granted, most sets during that era were not great, but I am very aware that this is a TV set. The biker gang's lair would be at home on the original Doctor Who. It's not bad, but it's also totally fake-looking, and you can tell it's a dressed up set rather than an actual area.
Noticed small roles for Richard Belzer and Twin Peaks' Eric DaRe.
I love that Barry feels like the heel of the year when Tina tells him the person who died at the lab was her husband, and likewise when he cluelessly tells her she doesn't know what he's going through. Because he IS a heel in those moments.
I felt like all of the prisoners pouring out of the cells at once upon them being opened was too Batman '66. None of the prisoners are sitting in their bunks, and they spend all day standing right up to the bars on the off chance all of the cells are opened at once? It's a detail I dislike because even the most incompetent of modern shows wouldn't do it.
I thought when Barry and Iris were in bed and talking about something going too quickly that they were talking about something else.
Continuity alerts: Nora Allen is still alive and married to Henry. Barry has an unheard of brother named Jay who is killed off. Iris strikes me as an alarmingly shallow and terrible person, and is clearly the secondary love interest getting the way of Barry and Tina, which is weird. The Asian reporter says her name is Linda leading me to think she's Linda Park. StarLabs is a major presence, although it strikes me as far more sinister than the one in The Arrowverse. The show takes place in Central City. It feels sort of chilling to watch this entire series and realize every single person in it was killed by the Monitor in Elseworlds. If I were a huge fan of the show, I would be super PO-ed at the Arrowverse producers. As it stands, it makes the series a little creepy to watch in hindsight.
This is no more bizarre than Quantum Leap or other shows like it. ***1/2.
The Flash "Out Of Control"
As a rule, second episodes of TV shows tend to be worse than the Pilots. This is especially true of GOOD TV shows. So I always treat the sophomore episode a little bit gentle knowing this.
This problem here is that this was outright awful. It's concerning it's this bad early in the show's run. The Pilot movie was fine. It had its flaws, but it was watchable and decent. This is just...
The acting is terrible. And the pacing in the show is far too slow. For The Fastest Man Alive, Barry always takes his sweet time in getting there. And this has nothing to do with how crappy the effects are (although CW Barry would simply vibrate the glass to shatter it, instead of scratching out a circle in a ridiculously slow fashion). If the CW's Flash had effects this primitive it would still work because the pacing is fast enough. The problem with the show is that Flash is going up against normal people who shouldn't be giving him the slightest bit of trouble, and they make him look bad that they are.
Also, it appears the cast is far too small for an hour long series with this premise. People decry the CW soap opera of The Arrowverse all the time. But the truth is the extra characters lift a ton of the weight off Grant Gustin's shoulders, and make the Flash's plots more manageable than if they had to stretch every single Barry / Iris dilemma to last an entire episode by themselves. And I'm thinking the show probably would have been better off as a half-hour series. Unfortunately in 1990, networks were not in the habit of creating half hour shows with no comedy and no laugh tracks. But this was far too padded.
And yeah, the acting is outright bad, even for this era of television. This is the era of sharp camera angles and "dun dun dun" music, (by the late, great Shirley Walker) but that only works if the actors convince me the scenario IS actually this crazy, and they aren't just bad actors. They're bad actors here. Amanda Pays was totally unconvincing, which is sad because she has definitely grown as an actress in her later career.
On the other hand, I would have bashed the dialogue in the scene where Barry and Tina get into a spat and she accuses him of being jealous, but the truth is, that was pretty much how dialogue between the Will They Or Won't They couple went on every single show, good or bad during this era. I'm not going to penalize this show for the exact same terrible dialogue as between Sam and Diane from Cheers, and David and Maddie from Moonlighting, while those two shows were showered with awards and critically loved. It's just something I have to accept about television back then. It was as a rule, terrible. It's not terrific now, but our standards have been raised by some terrific stuff, so even a scene where the characters are jealous and denying it would be done with some actual nuance. I see similar scenes between the love interests now, but they are written and performed in a more credible way. But yeah, 1990 was a rough era for television. And it was still more grounded (as a rule) than previous stuff. Writing on television tends to get better year by year, no matter what the critics think. It's mostly because shows like the Flash and every show that came before it have spent over 70 years of TV history showing current producers what does and doesn't work. I fully expect most TV in ten years to be more well-written than TV is currently too. That's just the way taste and society seems to work.
For the record, dumb stuff will always have its place in society. In reality shows. Scripted stuff for adults will simply never be as bad as it used to be ever again. And that's fine. I'll take decent dramas and comedies while the fools enjoy Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty. But in order to get there we had to have shows like this one first.
Somehow I don't think the threat to "slap those guys' butts in prison" means what Lieutenant Garfield thinks it does.
Iris in Paris is this show washing their hands of her entirely. I don't mind. She wasn't memorable enough in the Pilot to merit a dramatic goodbye scene / dump. It's probably for the best.
Ultimately, I think even if this show is inferior to all of the other superhero shows that came around a couple of decades later, it's because of this show and rare other superhero shows like Lois And Clark which is why superhero shows are the way they are now. For good or ill, current Comic Book based television has learned what to do and what NOT to do because shows like this one were experimenting with the formula this early on. They set the tone and the learning curve. If I finish all 22 episodes and wind up thinking it's a crap series, I won't think less of it. Because the fact that it's a cr*p series informed better shows that came later about what did and didn't work. And as bad as this episode is, it's something I have to take into account whether it sucked or not. *1/2.
The Flash "Watching The Detectives"
Oh, man, I loved that.
I love how the series somehow manages to be both Noirish and hard-boiled. It's not exactly convincing, but none of hard-boiled Noir actually is, so it's consistent at least.
"Let's see how YOU look in red, Mr. Allen," was like the perfect way to end the teaser. SO great. I loved Megan Lockhart. Her actress was a knock-out too, which was VERY right for Noir.
For the record, Julio sucks at his job. While Barry is trying to interview the woman in the shop about what she saw, he's interrupting them with nonsense about the curios in the shop.
Dick Miller! Yay! I love the Flash using his powers to actually win 3-card Monty.
I felt less good about him using it to cheat a casino. That's actually against the law.
Seeing all of those huge fireball practical effects reminds me how totally unsafe Hollywood used to be. Nobody would ever use that much practical fire nowadays, much less let kids near it. What's weird is that current stuff seems less intense without it. But at the same time, I'll take more measured thrills for less dead stuntmen and actors, especially children. So, yeah. That was still pretty explosive. Literally.
I love that the firebug seems to be a Jesus freak. Tying the Flash into the devil felt appropriate too.
What a great episode. ****1/2.
The Flash "Honor Among Thieves"
I think the DC project this most resembles is Batman '89. It has the moody Noir city, the dark orchestrals, and the Flash mostly goes up against mobsters instead of supervillains. It's very clear they took the essence of Tim Burton's film and tried to translate it to television. As someone who has never believed either Burton film was actually all that good, they did a passable job in my book.
Ian Buchanan creeping like a 90's creeper.
Speaking of which, the topless woman falling into his arms reminds of something that most people don't realize is true. But television was a LOT sexier 30 years ago. This was slightly before NYPD Blue, but a scene like that happens almost as an afterthought with no fuss or no muss. The Arrowverse doesn't actually do too many sex scenes, but any time they do, they are clearly carefully choreographed to not upset the censors. Shows didn't actually have to do that back in 1990. They just showed random titillating crap and called it a day. There is no single person more responsible for ruining current television than Janet Jackson. It amazes me that because of her, this is such a freaking ordeal now. And that was almost twenty years ago. And it still hasn't gotten better since then. And this was an 8:00 PM family friendly show. Things have gotten WAY stricter in the meantime.
How is it that Julio still cannot tell Barry is the Flash? He's a dummy.
Is Celia Wayne related to Bruce? A black sheep if she is, for sure. "Fourth and Garrick" was almost certainly a comic book reference too.
I love the Flash stealing and then eating that whole turkey at end. It's just so random and funny that I appreciate it more than most of this show.
All in all, that was a bit dull. But on the other hand, I couldn't pick too much wrong with it either. Average episode in my book. ***.
The Flash "Double Vision"
The opening tracking shot of the Day of the Dead crowd at the beginning was very interesting because they went so long before they cut from it.
This episode makes it very clear to me why the series was over-budget and always running behind schedule. Take the scene of Barry eating that huge bowl of cereal in one go. Because they use time elapse photography for the speed effects, somebody had to sit in front of a camera and empty that entire bowl with a single spoon. Similarly, Flash stacking the Virgin Mary statues on the shelf would have also taken an amazingly long time and effort to film. There's not much benefit to that visually, is there? Unfortunately the only real speed effects they could afford was of Flash doing normal stuff really fast. And the stuff he seems to do is always so mundane.
This is Richard Belzer before he was in everything. I bet the dude's face was craggy in his teens.
Decent episode but I see why it only lasted a season. ***.
The Flash "Sins Of The Father"
The music during the chain gang scene at the beginning: Yup, that's a Shirley Walker score.
I found all of the tough guy talk very unconvincing and badly written and acted. They sound about as convincing as Saturday morning cartoon characters from the 1970's. No, you know what? The Flintstones. All of the crooks on The Flintstones sounded exactly like this.
One way the new show is vastly superior to the old, isn't because Nora is dead there. It's that Henry and Barry had an amazing and heartwarming relationship. I find Henry a bit annoying and jerkish on this show. John Wesley Shipp always struck me as a far more fabulous Henry than he was a Barry. And he was actually a decent Barry.
How can a blind guy recognize a ten dollar bill by feel? One of the most frustrating things about U.S. currency for blind people is that the bills are all the same size. You can't act like they aren't just to make a blind guy seem extra sharp. I doubt even Daredevil can read paper currency.
The thing with the dog and the glove was a bit tiresome. I sincerely doubt anyone would recognize the Flash's costume by a single glove. Has the Flash even been seen in public yet? Yeah, Henry gets a glimpse this episode but I hardly think he'd be putting two and two together. He is utterly nonplussed over Barry's ludicrous explanation as to why he's there. He doesn't strike me as the sharpest bulb. The episode is trying to make connections and plot turns that just aren't there.
There is something about Shipp's Flash that is very unlike Grant Gustin's. He acts a lot like Batman at times. The whole "urban legend" thing lends itself to that, but this Flash gets people to talk by threatening them with his freaky and scary-seeming powers. It's a very interesting dynamic. It doesn't strike me as off-key either, which is partly why I like it. It's just different.
Fun real-life factoid. Throwing knives at people from a distance doesn't actually work. Hicks shouldn't have been able to hit him, much less have the blade lodge perfectly in his spine. I suspend disbelief for Batman's sake. I don't do it for the human crooks.
I think Barry missed the boat in comforting his father about Donella's death. Henry believes Donella got killed because he involved him. Were Barry a tad smarter he'd point out that Hicks probably would have gone after the guy anyways, but at least he had a bit of warning. It's not much comfort because the warning didn't help, but it is something to say he was better off than if Henry kept this to himself.
Upon Henry's tantrum in the lab, I realized he was probably a really lousy police officer. Not just because he's too aggressive and doesn't understand modern police work. It's that he clearly has a hair-trigger temper, and doesn't do well under pressure. And what I loved is that Barry called him on it. How cool was that? It led to a bit of a (badly written) heart-to-heart, so it was clearly the right move.
Bad cop or not, he isn't useless. I really liked how in the scene in the dark he doesn't take Hick's bait to open up a dialogue and reveal his position.
I don't like the show wanting me to think Barry repeatedly beating Hicks in the face was overkill. I wasn't. If he had killed him, as far as I'm concerned, that woulda been a "clean shot". The guy refused to take his defeat for an answer, and kept getting back up and trying to kill the heroes while they are trying to wrap up. I do not think Barry is being unreasonable for making sure the guy is actually down. If he hadn't turned into Carrie's hand, we'd talk about police brutality, but the guy refused to take the hint.
Here is another problem: The thing with Henry and the bulldozer. Does Flash ALWAYS have to cut things so freaking close? The answer is no. Flash is the ONE hero who should never be cutting things close. I understand the need to make the character slightly incompetent because he isn't fighting supervillains outside of The Trickster. But Hicks never would have even GOTTEN into the bulldozer if Grant Gustin were on the job. Heck, he wouldn't even have gotten near it. It would have been a nonfactor, and we wouldn't even be talking about it. Shame, John Wesley Shipp. Shame.
The episode had a lot problems to put it mildly. **1/2.
The Flash "Child's Play"
Every generation you get one or two kid actors you see in EVERYTHING. Fred Savage was one such actor in the 1980's as were Corey Feldman and River Phoenix. Max Charles is a current example. Back in the early 90's it was Jonathan Brandis. He committed suicide later on, so I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but he did not have the raw talent Fred Savage and River Phoenix did. I need to be mindful that SeaQuest is not actually his fault, but I don't blame Wil Wheaton for Star Trek either, and thought his turn in Stand By Me was amazing. Brandis either never got a great role, or never turned a good one into that. But he was in everything in the early 90's.
Here is an observation about this episode and television in general back then: The kid is real zero. He's a loathsome little twerp. TV back then was so weird because whenever it had random orphans that the various heroes encountered, they were always this specifically unlikable and rude. And it bothers me that I don't see the selling point of any show doing that. Do the producers think we WANT to see Barry help a kid who treats everyone like garbage? He's a loser of a human being. Juvie is the best place for him. Why does the show want me to think differently? If they did, they could have you know, TRIED making me like the character. It's not hard. I don't understand why TV back then always made things with kids in them such a chore to watch. The reason people who watch TV hate fictional kids is because it's clear the writers do too and are taking it out on their characters. And I'm not going to say virtuous kids are more interesting or better than badly behaving ones. Wesley Crusher is proof that's not true (although I think that kid was a little more rotten than the producers intended him to be). But would it be too much to ask for a kid who isn't a total creep, and the kind of loud-mouthed person you always cross the street to get away from? There has to be a line between a profane, preteen smoker and Wesley Crusher. And the fact that TV back then didn't seem to even KNOW that which is why TV is much better today.
Here is a sad fact: It's not MUCH better. While kids on TV are more varied and well-rounded nowadays, this specific kind of twerp is still a thing. This kid is Joffrey before Jack Gleason was even born. It puzzles me the show is asking me to sympathize and root for Joffrey. At least I'm supposed to and allowed to hate Joffrey. I don't get television back then. At all.
As annoying as the kids are, it's not like the villains were any better-written. The writing in this episode was just lousy in general. Unfortunately, when you involve kids in a project that doesn't usually have then a SMART show will up their game in response. Believe it or not, that's what Star Trek usually did. Every other kid but Wesley was all right on that show. But the villains here are dumb too.
The Batman and Superman movies are playing at the local theater. The actual real-world movies. Nope, I don't accept that. I never accepted David E Kellly's meta b.s. over his characters in various shows that had crossed over referencing the shows themselves in unrelated episodes, and I don't accept this. This is Wookies on Endor for me: That Does Not Make Sense.
Is it just me or did that drug deal play out far too long? The undercover cop got far too beat up considering Barry watched the whole thing. As far as Speedsters go, this version of the Flash is awfully slow.
Since when does bean dip cause cancer? Pretty sure there's no cholesterol in it either. The writers on this show are outright dumb.
I can't tell what is the worse idea: Having the couple of sociopathic kids help out in a vet's office, or Barry thinking the best thing for a grieving widow's mental health would be to look after a couple of psychopathic nightmares. Did I mention TV back then was stupid?
For the record, there is no boy that age that would ever send away a hot young woman wearing that particular skimpy outfit. Particularly since the episode hints he's actually straight.
West? Related to Iris and Wally, or does the show merely not know what it is doing? I'm guessing the latter.
As far as villains go, I think hippies were even dated in 1990. No credible show back then would use them in this way. That's strictly Batman '66 stuff.
Speaking of Batman adaptations, it amazes me how much this show owes Tim Burton's first Batman film. The Dark Deco is the biggest thing it takes from it. The other thing is weird because it doesn't actually NEED to borrow it. But almost all of the Flash action scenes take place at night. That's a Batman specific thing. Most other heroes stop bank robbers in the middle of the day. But Flash takes on drug dealers and mob bosses in the middle of the night. Which is very strange to me.
Here's an unusual opinion: Shirley Walker's music for the prison fight was awful. The scene was awful, but the music helped nothing. If anything, it made it even worse. More bad music is during Flash giving Terry a "ride". Hearing the kid scream "Awesome!" is exactly as insufferable as you imagined it would be. Also terrible was Flash with the guitar and the kid punching out the woman. If this episode wasn't the lowlight of Walker's entire career, I'd be shocked.
Flash wrecking the dude's car: I can't help but remember what Batman once said to Alfred on Batman: The Animated Series: Between a couple of guys, that's REAL personal.
Two good things to note before I close the books on this lousy episode.
1. The show dealt with Flash being able to vibrate through walls for the first time, as well as the idea that his fast metabolism makes him immune to booze and drugs.
2. As awful as the villains were, I have to concede as far as evil plans go, turning the entire city into drug addicts did not suck. It's no blotting out the sun for sure, but it's actually a really good plan as far as a villain on this show goes. And even if I hated the rest of the episode, I'll give it that. Drug dealers creating their own mass market by force is a very clever and sinister plan.
But yes, I DID hate the rest of the episode. *.
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