The Disney Adventures Archive, Part 4: On Stranger Tides

[Peter Paltridge]

Anyone find it odd that the Disney Adventures calendar was promoting Cartoon Network, and a Looney Tunes movie as well? Not to mention all the talk about Hey Arnold and Scooby Doo.

Not at all. They were outright running Simpsons comics a few years prior.

Finally, notice that somebody named Maggie Groening is a co-writer for the novelization for Hey Arnold: The Movie. Is she related to Matt Groening, or is it just a coincidence? It would be especially weird since there were "Hey Arnold" comics in Simpsons Illustrated Magazine before Nick picked up the show.

I noticed that too, and given that the Simpson family is named after Matt's real family, and that there really is a Maggie Groening, it's possible it was her.

 

[Leviathan]

Not at all. They were outright running Simpsons comics a few years prior.



I noticed that too, and given that the Simpson family is named after Matt's real family, and that there really is a Maggie Groening, it's possible it was her.

Craig Bartlett is/was married to Lisa Groening (Matt's sister, and cartoon Lisa's namesake), so that's likely true.

 

[Zorak Masaki]

Does anyone have any early DA (1990-91) issues they could scan? It would be interesting to see those.

 

[Kitschensyngk]

How the hell did Like Mike do better than The Powerpuff Girls Movie on the same opening weekend?

Who names the lead character in their talking bear movie "Beary Barrington"? That's like naming Flounder and Sebastian "Fishy McFishfish" and "Crabby the Crabby Crab."

The leftover letters in the word search spell A HIKE OF FIVE MILES BEGINS WITH TWO FEET. Honestly, I was expecting a cheesier pun.
I also found the word PORN hidden vertically in that grid. Explain that to me, kids' magazine.

(Seriously, what was it with animal films in the late 90s-early 2000s?)

"We've got the CG technology to make live-action family movies with photo-realistic talking animals and DAMMIT WE'RE GOING TO USE IT!"

 

[TenPoundHammer]

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Our cover is once again a cluster of movies. Unlike the last time, though, I've seen none of these.

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Left: I was well over my Harry Potter craze at this point. But even in the short time that I did read the books, I never imagined myself playing Quidditch or casting spells.

Right: They've gotten even worse. Now it's only the same last name. Also, I doubt that anyone who is outwitted by a can of tuna fish is an "awesome role model". Unless you think that being Blonde Pop Chanteuse #39,487, Extra-Brainless Edition, is a good career move.

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I've always wanted to play a Sly Cooper game. I don't know why. Maybe I just like raccoons.

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Scanned the calendar entirely for the snowboarding groundhog. And poorly spliced to remove the insert in the middle.

I sure hope that Joseph L. is a Leap Year birthday, because otherwise, that's just lazy.

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Left: Dang it, Disney Adventures, quit reminding me of how many good shows out there I haven't watched.

Right: "Oh yeah, and this'll also be the only other season that we actually produce a winner who'll be remembered for more than a week after their coronation."

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Shark Tale: Because eleventy billion fish puns worked so well in that Fish Police cartoon. Really, I think this one screenshot sums up the film solely (geddit?) for that reason. It's like they had an affinity for terrible wordplay, and wouldn't stop until they were up to their gills in it.

Also, apparently Doug Robb is white and nerdy.

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Speaking of Shark Tale… dear God, is Will Smith Fish creepy. Human faces on fish just doesn't work. Speaking of The Cartoon Hero, I saw his review of this garbage, too, and now I understand why DreamWorks bashing was so popular in 2005.

Also, what the heck is "oscar-licious" supposed to be a pun on?

And speaking of Fish Police, I think the original comic still has the best take on anthropomorphic fish.

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Left: I watched Because of Winn-Dixie entirely because I'm a retail nerd and wanted to see how much old-school Winn-Dixie they'd show. (Not much, if I recall correctly.) I would also bet dollars to donuts that it bombed entirely because Winn-Dixie filed for bankruptcy four days after it came out.

You'd probably think that I, as a raging The Life and Times of Juniper Lee fanboy, dislike American Dragon: Jake Long. Truth is, I don't. Just because I think one show does things better (and plays to my bias towards females who can kick ass) doesn't mean I have to dislike the "lesser" show. I mean, I prefer Burger King, but I won't throw a fit if you take me to McDonald's. (But not if it's the Burger King in my town. I would prefer not to eat at a place that gave me the worst bout of food poisoning I've ever had in my life. Wow, that metaphor derailed fast.)

Right: I think we have a Trope Namer here. Also, "magic of friendship"? A show with that as a premise will nevercatch on.

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Left: Speaking of both ass-kicking females and "Wake up, go to school, save the world…"

Right: More Jake Long, just to prove I'm not a hater.

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Left: I remember seeing a poster for Racing Stripes at a mall downstate. It looked horrible. And apparently it is. Someone elsewhere on this forum said the only highlight is David Spade as a fly.

Ice Princess sounds boring and cliché, but apparently Roger Ebert thought otherwise. But what did he know? He also thought Junior was good.

Right: I just realized, we went through a stupid family-comedy bout a few years ago. This film, The Tooth Fairy, etc. etc.

I've already said my bit on Robots, so moving on.

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Between the DreamWorks bashing that was rampant at the time, the sheer suckitude of Shark Tale, and the mugging shots such as this one, I thought that Madagascar was going to be terrible, and avoided it like the plague. I do like The Penguins of Madagascar a lot, though.

Who's this "Johnson the lemur"?

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Sky High is the same director as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, Surviving Christmas, Shrek Forever After, and Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. But apparently this one's actually pretty good.

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Top: There is a serious lack of Aardman in my catalog. I should fix that.

Bottom: I watched The Cartoon Hero's review of Chicken Little as well, and I couldn't believe how DreamWorks-y it was. Seriously, this film had so many instances of "This exists, therefore, it's funny!" that I'm convinced Seth MacFarlane was a ghost-writer on it.

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"CDs available at Kmart." Because they're the only place to stoop so low as to sell Radio Disney karaoke. I'm sure it'll go well with those copies of The Little Cars and Neverending Story III that you got for $5 each. (True story: I actually convinced an old lady at Kmart not to buy The Little Cars for her son.)

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No connection to the other artists here, so I'll burn off a lot of Black Eyed Peas material.

I honestly didn't realize that they were around for so long. And this was back when they were still tolerable. Then "My Humps" came out, and they seemed to want to outdo their suckitude with each successive song, outside "I Gotta Feeling". I recently heard "I've Had the Time of My Life" in a Goodwill, and was overjoyed not to hear it suddenly turn into "Owe it all to youyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyouyou… dirty bit."

Also, "different personalities"? I honestly thought for quite some time that the Peas were a duo, since I knew only Fergie and will.i.am. Do Taboo and apl.de.ap even do anything in any of their songs?

After that, we get some snowboarding stuff that's boring. Was I the only one who always skipped the sports stuff in the middle?

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My sister was 12 for all but the last four days of 2005, and somewhat of a bookworm. So I'm surprised that I've never heard any of these other than Peter and the Starcatchers and that Series of Unfunny Unfortunate Events book. But I have to say that Death by Eggplant is an awesome title.

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No lie: I didn't even read the story. I totally predicted that they would use "Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere" entirely from the tagline.

Skipping ahead some because more ESPN stuff, and I can't make this month's puzzle section funny other than this:

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Summer on one side of the tree, winter on the other. Clearly this is set in Michigan.

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Again with the "Who Would Win" nonsense. And again, the only common thread is that they're both named Ron. Might as well be Ron Jeremy. (Fun fact: Ron Jeremy was on Wheel of Fortune in 1980. <Dave Barry>I am not making this up.</DB>)

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Left: Matt Feazell channels his inner Sergio Aragonés. Seriously, you could look at this thing for 30 minutes and still not catch all the details.

Right: A Mulan II comic. Is this the only time they ever did a comic of a DTV cheapquel?

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A panel from a surprisingly long Pirates of the Caribbean comic. That franchise doesn't seem like my thing, but this panel is still pretty badass.

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Monster!Squatty and Monster!Bernard up top look more like a Mutant Korbat and Mutant Skeith

I've seen more head-swapping on DeviantArt than you can imagine. Right up there with tickling, drowning, quicksand…

Oddly, the Hair Pair are in the middle of the comics section for a change.

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Grr. Why is it that every time someone uses Jeopardy! as a basis for a quiz show parody, they can't come within a million miles of making an Alex Trebek caricature? Seriously, that looks more like Bob Barker. And come to think of it, the podia look more like the Showcase podia. And the set looks more like one of the big doors on The Price Is Right. I have a feeling that if they had spoofed TPIR, it would've had someone asking to buy a vowel.

 

[Dsneybuf]

To answer your question about comics of DTV sequels: I vaguely remember that The Lion King II: Simba's Pride got one in an issue with a cover article promoting both Lion King movies, and the Broadway musical.

 

[Peter Paltridge]

I've always wanted to play a Sly Cooper game. I don't know why. Maybe I just like raccoons.

It couldn't be easier now; the Sly Collection is $20 for PS3.

Ice Princess sounds boring and cliché, but apparently Roger Ebert thought otherwise. But what did he know? He also thought Junior was good.

Useless anecdote: the DVD box for this movie bears the slogan "From Scholastic....to Fantastic!" This was not the slogan on the movie poster, which was much worse: "From Mathlete.....to All-Star Athlete!"

 

[TenPoundHammer]

It couldn't be easier now; the Sly Collection is $20 for PS3.

Which would first require me buying a PS3.

 

[TenPoundHammer]

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The Wayback Machine is taking us to August 2000, with Buzz Lightyear of Star Command as the cover story.

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We saw My Dog Skip in English III. I don't remember anything from it, though. But given my experiences with dogs, I have every reason to believe that any story about a "good" dog is clearly fiction.

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Did teachers really used to ask "what did you do on your summer vacation"? Mine never did. This again goes back to my "was mystery meat ever really a thing, or is that just one of those school clichés made up by hack writers?" question from earlier.

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Left $100 shopping spree at an ESPN store? That's like getting a 49 cent shopping spree at Dollar Tree.

Right: I actually preferred Gummi Savers to Life Savers. I don't think they were that stretchy, though.

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Then shouldn't Katie's favorite Pokémon be Rattata?

On the next page, one kid said he wanted to be Crash Bandicoot because "he has a best friend (Aku Aku) and I also have a best friend", as if no one else in video gaming history has a best friend. Oh yeah, and Aku Aku isn't a "best friend" as much as he is a guide, at least according to the 5 seconds of Googling I did.

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That skate park mentioned on the 2nd was torn down in 2009 for a bronze factory.

There sure are a lot of country music mentions on here. Shame that there were only like, ten country songs I liked in 2000. (Also, LeAnn Rimes has only one E in her name.)

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Did Minnie Pearl approve that headline?

(Footnote: Sister2sister's only hits were in Australia and the UK. Once again showing DA's stellar skills at picking the next hot musical act.)

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I've said it before: mom once said Pokémon 2000 was the only movie "so bad I couldn't even sleep through it". I think it says something that this came out at the peak of both my Pokémon and moviegoing periods, and I don't remember anything about it except Slowking saying he wanted pants.

I almost thought that said LMFAO, not LFO. (In hindsight, "Party Rock Anthem" wasn't that bad.)

The next page has that "pretending your dog is a Pokémon" ad we've seen before. And it hit me literally just as I was typing this up — if you want to pretend your dog is a Pokémon, why not pretend he's a Growlithe?

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Left: I've seen VHSes in worse shape than that being sold at Goodwill.

Right: Our feature article is on Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. Interesting that they had the concept of "movie-based cartoon featuring a popular secondary character, but set in its own canon" thing a good eight years before The Penguins of Madagascar.

inb4 jokes about a "Zurg rush"

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Well, at least the Star Cruiser took fewer tries to get right than Formula 409…

I don't care if she's green, Mira Nova's kinda cute. And she shares a VA with another personal favorite, Marlene. (Speaking of The Penguins of Madagascar…)

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I said before that I wasn't into the Harry Potter thing for long, but I know I was still into it when this issue was on newsstands. I still cringe nearly every time I see anything related to the series.

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Now this is a rarity. A full story by an actual children's author. Not really my style, but I sure hope for the author's sake that this isn't the only place it was published.

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Even as early as August 2000, Eddie Storkowitz from Birdz had to find other forms of work. There he is at the bottom of this page!

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I remember the Ploids thing. For a while, there were kiosks set up at a couple local supermarkets and even Kmart where you could buy a whole bunch of fun-size Frito-Lay snacks. I don't remember redeeming them for anything, though. And given the choice between my 8-year-old Macintosh LC520 that could barely run anything anymore, and that junky looking poor-man's iMac from Gateway, I think I'd have stuck with the LC520.

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I also remember Eet and Ern (because poor literacy etc.). I thought their names were stupid. And apparently, their advertising campaigns were squarely in the "lol butts" demographic.

(There were a lot of "redeem points for cheap crap" systems in this era, weren't there?)

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Somehow, without looking at the tagline, I knew that Gary Hallgren drew this. The only other things I remember him for were both from Mad: he drew the article where they kill Pikachu by shoving dynamite up his butt, and he drew their Who Wants to Be a Millionaire parody that had about a billion Funny Background Events. He also drew the next puzzle on page 76.

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In both 6th and 9th grades, we were given grammar tests that involved correcting every grammatical error in a given sentence. Some of them were so bad that they made this look like perfect Oxford English. And given how most of my peers spell now, they apparently didn't stick…

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I don't know why I like the Hair Pair. I just do. (Fun fact: my mom is allergic to guinea pigs.)

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Interestingly, this Buzz Lightyear comic was written by Bob Roth and Bill Motz, who have worked on that and several other Disney shows (and even some non-Disney shows, such as… well, The Penguins of Madagascar). It's also penciled by Steven Butler, who did a lot of the Archie Sonic comics, and most of the comics in the Emperor's New Groove issue. How the heck did he get here?

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Two short Doug comics. A predictable one on the left, a mildly amusing one on the right. "Maybe I 'nicked' when I should have 'greeeebeled.'"

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Rick Geary is another name I first came across in Mad. The few times he wrote anything there, it was just as head-scratching as Society of Horrors. Fortunately, though, most of his Mad work had someone else doing the script — he does have a distinct art style.

I don't even get the last page. That last panel feels like it was dropped in from a totally different story.

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Of course he's the face of terror. American Kirby Is Hardcore.

 

[Peter Paltridge]

Interesting that they had the concept of "movie-based cartoon featuring a popular secondary character, but set in its own canon" thing a good eight years before The Penguins of Madagascar.

Well, with Buzz it was different since they were making the cartoon that the entire franchise in the movie was supposedly based on. The opener to every Buzz episode was the Toy Story toys sitting down in front of a TV.

"In Tennessee, it's against the law to drive a car while you're asleep!"
I would hope it's against the law to drive while asleep everywhere else.

 

[TenPoundHammer]

"In Tennessee, it's against the law to drive a car while you're asleep!"
I would hope it's against the law to drive while asleep everywhere else.

I believe that most of these "looney laws" are false or at least gross misrepresentations. Snopes has debunked a bunch of the supposedly looney laws in Arizona.

 

[TenPoundHammer]

Let's go back to March 1999.

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I had the same cat from 1994 to 2010, when she had to be put to sleep. When you form that big a bond with an animal, of course you're kinda biased. Whereas I've had the same dog for 11 years, and all he does is make me like dogs less and less every day.

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Left: Pretty much only joy I got out of high school was finally leaving it in 2002.

Right: The dog's "A" expression is great.

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Is it just me, or was early stock art of Pokémon a lot more muddy looking? Looking at that Pikachu, I keep wondering if I forgot to put my glasses on again.

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My 9th grade science teacher once put both of his eyeballs on one of those static balls. He also said that when he was a kid, he used to lick the contacts on the car batteries at Kmart. And at one point he was in a car accident that left a dime permanently embedded in his skull.

I must've had this issue once before, because I remember that "Chacky Chan" story. But like most of my Mad collection, they probably got thrown out eons ago because my poor organization skills meant they got trampled on the floor and reduced to ribbons.

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I'm still not a gamer, but I have noticed one thing: the likelihood that drugs were used in the creative process, and the likelihood that I will want to play the game, are often correlated.

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Left: Thanks to The Waterboy, I had the nickname "Bobby Boucher" for years.

"No, you won't get an Animorphs movie. Remember how terrible the TV series was?"

Right: I heard this was so bad that the Rodgers and Hammerstein estate has permanently barred any animated adaptations of their work, but I couldn't corroborate that in 5 seconds of Googling.

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Holy carp, the legalease. Gotta close every loophole and make sure that no one actually wins a thing, right?

Am I the only person in the world who doesn't like Oreos?

Also, Slug bug!

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What, you guys didn't see the big "going out of business" signs on the front of the store?

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(I love those rare moments when I don't have to rotate the image after scanning.)

So many things to say here as a lifelong cat person:

1. The only trick my dogs know is "Bark ferociously at everything at 3 AM".

2. First time I've seen someone acknowledge that cats drink out of the toilet too. I always thought mine were the only ones.

3. And even if you do walk your dog 15 times daily, he'll still poop in the house because… because.

4. Not all cats are finicky eaters. One of my cats eats so much pizza that I should've called her Polly Esther.

5. Of course this ages-old argument ends in a tie.

The rest of the article is just random animal facts I knew when I was eight, like "cats rub against stuff to mark it" or "goldfish don't have eyelids" or "a Labrador retriever's flatulence can kill anything within a two-mile radius".

…wait, why are they talking about goldfish and hamsters now? I thought this was cats vs. dogs. Focus, writers!

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A Fold-in with some actual effort put into it to obfuscate the resulting image? Color me impressed. You're still no Al Jaffee, though.

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They did this a lot: make stupid puns of pop culture themed towards animals. Even at age 11, I could've come up with a handful of songs that didn't require puns, like "Cat Scratch Fever".

Alanis Mori-setter is kinda cute though.

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Left: 'N Snake would later go on to perform the Sanjay and Craig theme.

Right: The lack of write-in candidates here is shocking. What if you think ferrets are better than either?

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Shirley Holmes (see October 1998) shows up again. I thought she'd already stopped airing in the US by this point, but now I'm having a hard time finding where exactly she aired stateside to begin with.

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The inside of a spaceship from My Favorite Martian, as rendered by Rick Geary. Apparently to have a "Holo-Boy", all you need to do is take the Wheel from Wheel of Fortune and put a joystick on it.

The first half of this article is bisected by a foldout for Kraft's "Toon Twister", a periscope-looking thing you could use to decipher upside-down and backward messages during the One Saturday Morning block.

Skipping the sports stuff as usual, 'cause I can never make it funny and I'm not interested.

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Behold, the only time you'll ever see the word "turd" in a kids' magazine.

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PB&Js I can take or leave, but in my book, they do not belong on crackers. Still this ad is mildly amusing. "A bunch of stuff happened here. It's cereberal, ok?" is pretty much a verbatim transcript of what my teachers taught me regarding world history.

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I'm actually kinda surprised that my childhood hang-up of "things that sound like other things" was still enough of an issue for me in the late 90s to stop watching Pepper Ann for that reason alone.

If this story had come out a year or two later, then Pepper Ann would be putting her traced work on deviantArt instead.

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I only remember seeing Nikki Tesla three or four times, and her comics all followed the same formula: Nikki introduces a new invention, then the last panel is "Of course, it has a drawback…"

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Holy text-walls, is this Simpsons comic crammed with dialogue. And it only gets worse.

(Insert all the Simpsons references you want. I always ignored this show for some reason.)

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"Alien8" was another series that seemed to come and go after only three or four installments. Another quick, formulaic thing that was still better then the Last Laugh (then again, what isn't?). And its creator shares a name with the director of Jeopardy!

Also, this comic illustrates one of the biggest reasons I don't play video games.

 

[Peter Paltridge]

I had the same cat from 1994 to 2010, when she had to be put to sleep. When you form that big a bond with an animal, of course you're kinda biased. Whereas I've had the same dog for 11 years, and all he does is make me like dogs less and less every day.

Finally, another cat person. I feel alone expressing thoughts like that. Dogs won that survey, by the way, but you knew that.

Is it just me, or was early stock art of Pokémon a lot more muddy looking?

Well, yeah -- they thought no one outside of Japan would see much of it.

I'm still not a gamer, but I have noticed one thing: the likelihood that drugs were used in the creative process, and the likelihood that I will want to play the game, are often correlated.

Tonic Trouble has fallen into obscurity. I thought it was a Rayman 2 copy, though I never played it (for that reason).

I wonder if Sandler still responds to that address.

The inside of a spaceship from My Favorite Martian

This reminds me, WHEN is the Nostalgia Critic going to review that thing? His reaction to the whole toilet scene would be priceless.

Behold, the only time you'll ever see the word "turd" in a kids' magazine.

I don't think "turd" is a swear; it's the opposite. It's how little kids say poop. I very rarely hear a grown-up say "turd."

Holy text-walls, is this Simpsons comic crammed with dialogue

Aaaaah, it's too soon to see Edna... >_<

Am I the only person in the world who doesn't like Oreos?

Yes.

 

[Zorak Masaki]

According to a thread on the Critic's message board, he wont review My Favorite Martian as he cant find any real joke potential in it.

 

[TenPoundHammer]

I don't think "turd" is a swear; it's the opposite. It's how little kids say poop. I very rarely hear a grown-up say "turd."

My dad used to call me "turd" when I was a kid. I eventually told him that I felt I was too old to be called that anymore, and he responded, "Okay, s**thead."

 

[TenPoundHammer]

August 2005, how quickly you've faded from memory. I may have been well beyond this magazine's demographic by then, but who cares?

This is a long issue, but more than half of it is comics, so let's not waste any time!

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(Fun fact: This is the first time that I don't have to edit out the subscription sticker on the cover.)

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Left: Liger? Is that a… Napoleon Dynamite reference in Disney Adventures?

Also, if you happen to be ambidextrous, then which hand is your "other" hand?

Right: I remember back in the mid-90s, Crayola had special markers that you could write secret messages with, and then reveal them by coloring over with another marker. They were cooler.

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August 10: I was actually skinny in 2005, and I still couldn't pull off a handstand to save my life.

August 19: I actually bought a DVD of Valiant at a video store's going-out-of-business sale entirely because I knew how quickly it, well, laid an egg.

August 22: Nintendogs sounds like it was just a souped-up Tamagotchi/Giga Pets for the DS. Am I off base here?

August 26: Water balloon baseball seems like a flop. I mean, what do you do after the bat hits it?

(Stupid mid-2000s issues, putting cards in the middle of the calendar, forcing me to splice the image after I've scanned it…)

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Left: I usually skip over the jokes because they suck… but behold, the second Napoleon Dynamite reference in this issue.

Right: I don't know a thing about this show, but I actually think this is a pretty cool character design. Worth my time or no?

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Left: Is it just me, or does it seem like about 90% of Cartoon Network's output between Ed, Edd n Eddy and Adventure Time has completely fallen through the cracks? Even the shows that actually had somewhat of a fanbase in their time? I can't remember the last time I heard someone talking about Camp Lazlo, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, or heck, even Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. (inb4 my rampant Juniper Lee fanboyism)

Right: "But if someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable…"

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Left: I always thought I was the only one who realized that if you took a letter out of R. L. Stine's name, you could play the Bonus Round on Wheel of Fortune, but I've since heard about 387 billion other people make that same joke.

Right: Jessica would later say of her Maltese poodle, "Like, what do you mean I can't use it to make a milkshake? It's, like, a Maltese, isn't it? And you never did tell me if the stuff in this Chicken of the Sea can is tuna or chicken…"

I think this is the only reference to naked mole rats in Disney Adventures that does not involve Kim Possible.

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The first of three mystery stories with which kids can test their observational skills. The "Encyclopedias Brown and White" arc of FoxTrot this is not. I scanned this one entirely because anteaters are high on the list of "animals whose presence automatically makes everything about 20% cooler". Not as high on that ranking as… well… ligers, but still up there.

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Can you still even do this anymore — write letters to some famous person? Or in this case, some Z-list teenage actor whose only role that a kid would be familiar with is the Series of Unfortunate Events movies?

(And keeping with the running theme of Napoleon Dynamite… yes, Jon Heder is one of the names on this list.)

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Left: "I got three games and beat them all in a week! However, they were all for the Atari 2600, so even TenPoundHammer, who has the gaming skills of my pet ferret, could beat them all in a week."

Right: "I dropped a note in a bottle / To a long legged model / And I traded it in for a whole 'nother world / A pirate flag and an island girl…"

ETA: I didn't notice until after I scanned, but Cinnamon Krunchers are listed here. I always wondered why they put Tony the Tiger on those, since they had jack squat to do with Frosted Flakes.

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"Betty and Veronica wear the latest fashions, know what's cool, and are always up for some fun. Or at least, what a bunch of 60-year-olds think is fashionable, cool, and fun, tacked onto a series that is eternally stuck in the 1950s. But if you can't get enough of their laughably out-of-touch comics, have some laughably out-of-touch advice books to go ith it!"

"Available wherever books are sold"? No wonder I could never find these. I kept looking for them at the bakery.

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Oh goody, this Who Would Win? segment's in rhyme.
At least they have something in common this time.
But choosing between the two gives me no pause:
To heck with the DreamWorks shark, I'll stick with Jaws.

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More Matt Feazell, just because. I swear, it's as if Randall Munroe and Sergio Aragonés were rolled into one artist.

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Again, I'm surprised The Proud Family stuck around long enough to get in the comics page. I'm also surprised that an average suburban family can afford four sets of microphones, when I happen to play organ at a church that can barely afford one.

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A rare two-page Hair Pair. So far, the only other two-pager I've seen with these guys is March 2001. IMO they should've gotten more room to breathe like this.

After another waste of Rick Geary in Society of Horrors, we get this:

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Another Pirates of the Caribbean comic that seems less dynamic than the last one I found. I still think this is a very odd choice for a comic adaptation.

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Gorilla Gorilla time again. I swear, it's like Art got bored with these stories halfway through. And really, your villain this time is "Lizard Lizard Lizard Lizard Lizard"? Really strained yourself on that name, didn't you, Art?

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Still more comics, guys! Here's an okay Kim Possible one, if only because "lol naked mole rat" isn't the punch line for once.

Spoiler

Sky High, a superhero spoof that no one remembers, gets a comic taken straight out of the Uncanny Valley. This has to be one of the more obscure films to get a comic adaptation, right?

Spoiler

This is how not-gamer I am: I couldn't tell you a single thing about Mega Man other than "Capcom game with 90 billion sequels." Oh, and "Capcom's logo uses the same font as the clues on Jeopardy! and the title cards on Frasier."

 

[Peter Paltridge]

Why do Kim and Ron feel they have to lie? Her identity isn't a secret; everybody knows that was most likely what she was doing.
Also, what is the joke? It's just a brief summary of an average episode.

Shark Tale wins over Jaws. Only in Disney Adventures.

No one really talks about CN's mid-2000 lineup because it was kinda lackluster, but really, Fosters was excellent and should have been as popular as Powerpuff Girls.

From what I've heard, The Buzz on Maggie was Disney Channel's worst animated series of that decade. But I have no way to verify it.

 

[TenPoundHammer]

No one really talks about CN's mid-2000 lineup because it was kinda lackluster, but really, Fosters was excellent and should have been as popular as Powerpuff Girls.

Even the shows that are liked seem to have been mostly forgotten now. It just feels to me like it's been a long time since I've heard much talk about Foster's, Samurai Jack, or (gag) Billy & Mandy. Or to go more recent, Chowder. And do any of them besides Foster's even have a DVD release?

And then there are the shorter-lived ones that were still liked, such as Sheep in the Big City.

 

[Erased Paper]

Why do Kim and Ron feel they have to lie? Her identity isn't a secret; everybody knows that was most likely what she was doing.
Also, what is the joke? It's just a brief summary of an average episode.

Saying "same old, same old" is the joke. It's not a good one, but a joke nonetheless.

Some of the KP comics by Disney Adventures were weird. How does Kim not recognize Drakken and Shego in this?

"Baby Sitter's Blues"
http://imageshack.us/a/img14/8126/uh67.jpg
http://imageshack.us/a/img89/1646/czyq.jpg
http://imageshack.us/a/img31/3889/p0x0.jpg
http://imageshack.us/a/img849/560/0t6q.jpg
http://imageshack.us/a/img543/1361/dbao.jpg
http://imageshack.us/a/img40/774/vovs.jpg

 

[Dsneybuf]

I think the point of the Kim Possible comic was that since Kim and Ron faced all those villains before, fighting them feels like a typical thing to do now. Although, I don't think it would have felt like a stretch if they told Monique exactly which foes they encountered, and then called it nothing special.
Also, all four seasons of Samurai Jack have DVD releases, as does at least one season of Billy and Mandy. I forget if they're still in print, though.