KendraKelnick
New Member
Author's note:
I do not own the copyright on Scooby Doo and Squid Game.
This is a Scooby Doo story in the Squid Game universe, it's not exactly a crossover because the focus will be on the Scooby Doo characters, Squid Game characters will only have their names mentioned. Rated T.
It contains violence (just mention, nothing explicit), murder, swearing and mention of adult themes (just mention, nothing explicit).
The chapters are long and the events take a while to happen, I apologize for that.
English is not my first language, so I will certainly make mistakes while translating. I apologize for this and thank you for pointing out corrections.
I am not a professional writer and this is my first fanfic, so I will surely make mistakes that people with more experience don't make. Please bear with me.
I have read and read it a million times to avoid gaps in continuity and consistency, but if there are any, please let me know.
Chapter 1
There are lights everywhere, flashes from cameras and cell phones, lamps from the film crews of major networks, helicopters, headlights from NYPD vehicles, lasers from SWAT guns... As always, the end of a major case solved by Captain Frederick Jones is something cinematographic. However, for me, the only light that matters at this moment is the light of the digits on my watch, which shows that soon it will all be over and I will have my well-deserved vacation. I am so tired that I don't even care about Fred (again) hogging the microphones and taking all the credit for discovering that a former Marine was dressing up as a diver to steal yachts from the rich Upper East Side people. Months ago, I swear I would have cared. After all, I am the DNA-girl, the science behind every case Frederick Jones solves. I'm the Carbon-14-girl that analyzes any crap found at crime scenes, the girl who finds three phone digits in an old notepad and compares with a database of over 420 million phone numbers and still finds the son of a *****. I am all the dirty work of the NYPD, so I have every right to demand my slice of applause and my lines of praise in the New York Times. But today, I can only care about the comforting scene of arriving at my house, taking off my glasses and forgetting that crimes exist. Today, all the credit goes to Captain Jones.
Daphne: Hey Vel, good job! We wouldn't have made it if you hadn't found those microscopic algae!
The red-haired girl hugged me tightly before I could answer anything. I had no option but to hug her back, so that she could let me go faster. In fact, if it weren't for my algae, Fred and I wouldn't have made it. She, poor little one, had nothing to do with our case, since she doesn't even work for the NYPD. Daphne is always around following our work, offering legal help and meddling a lot. She does everything to get a few seconds of attention from Fred Jones, her teenage-crush since high school. Lately, she is doing even more things to get closer to him, as Fred has recently ended his second engagement and he is available again. I feel very sorry for Daphne because, mentally, Fred is still in high school and has never matured enough to develop any kind of involvement (except, obviously, sexual) with a woman. So, for Fred, the sweet and kind-hearted Daphne is just a pretty lawyer who can adorn his bed and make him earn manhood credits with his (equally immature) friends.
Daphne: Look, Dad even sent his congratulations to our team! He is very pleased to hear that the marina robberies have been solved.
Against my will, the screen of an iPhone 13 was placed in front of my face and Daphne was euphorically pointing to the "Congratulations!" that George Blake sent via Whatsapp, accompanied by an emoji of applause. I have received far more elaborate and emotional automatic emails from Amazon on my birthday, but for Daphne, receiving a simple "Congratulations!" (which probably was only written "Congr" and the rest was filled in by the auto-corrector) and an emoji from her own father was like a family Christmas Eve around the fireplace. Her mother, Nan Blake, is even less affectionate, and Daphne is satisfied when her mom views (without responding) any of her messages.
Daphne: Mommy saw the link I sent! Oh, she's online! Oh, she's typing something!
Between shrieks of joy, Daphne looked at the screen in a childish way, waiting for crumbs of a love she never received. I felt sorry, because I knew the answer would never come (Nan was probably without her reading glasses impatiently pressing the mobile screen to close the application, and Whatsapp understood this attitude as "typing a message"), so I quickly celebrated and changed the subject, so she wouldn't be disappointed by the lack of answer.
Daphne: Marcie also saw the link, look! I just sent it and she already replied, look! She even sent me some jokes about...
Marcie saw it in three seconds because you are incredibly beautiful, if it were any other woman in the universe - including her boss and her own mother - it would take her at least two weeks. And she would only answer if it was very urgent. This is my fiancée, Marcie Fleach. And this is Daphne Blake, my best friend, who is not only an emotionally dependent, but also extremely naive. Obviously, I couldn't verbalize the real answer, so instead I was direct:
Velma: Marcie Fleach is being Marcie Fleach. You know how she is.
My response caused a beautiful smile on her face. Yes, it seems that its not only my fiancée who is inexplicably kind to beautiful women. That must be why Marcie and I get along so well since high school. We have a lot in common.
Daphne: And do you have any plans for you vacation?
Velma: I thought about going to California for about ten days. Chomsky is giving a lecture at UCLA that I am dying to see. Then, we will go to Europe. Marcie said that a group of scientists is developing a study on Hawking radiation at the University of Berlin that will be...
Daphne: Shhhhhh!
Before I could finish the sentence, Daphne covered my mouth with one of her hands. She does it since five years of age, but this time I was offended.
Daphne: Shhh, he's going to talk! - she said, putting her cell phone camera to record and pointing it at Fred, who was starting his "big" interview – Later we talk about vacation, ok? I need to talk to you about something very important!
I didn't say any other word, I just answered by rolling my eyes and making a grimace, which she copied and in the end we both laughed at each other.
Velma: Come on, are you really going to film another stupid interview? How many useless gigabytes of Fred Jones do you have on your hard drive?
This time she responded with a gesture, a rude middle finger shown disguisedly while the other fingers hold up the cell phone.
Velma: You should stop making room for this idiot on your hard drive and make room for him in other of your things...
The emphasis I put on the expression " in other of your things " made Daphne's cheeks blush violently. Soon I felt the beak of the Louboutin scarpin hitting me angrily on the shin, and she - now angry - began the quick maneuver of deleting the video I had ruined and starting the camera to continue filming the rest of the interview. I laughed as I realized the disruption I had caused. Another video successfully ruined.
Shaggy: Like, hey girls! Let´s eat something later? I'm starving!
Daphne squirmed with anger and pointed to the camera on, indicating that she was recording and didn't want any sound to spoil the interview. She didn't ask for silence because I am the one in charge of telling Detective Rogers (whom we affectionately nicknamed Shaggy) to shut up since our high school days, so I played my role once again.
Shaggy: Like, sorry, Daph! Hey, where do you guys want to go? Like, how about that Mexican restaurant that's on youtube ads?
Daphne rolled her eyes and gave up asking for silence. Norville was not good with non-verbal language. And he wasn't good with verbal language either. But by some miracle, Shaggy graduated with honors at college and joined the police. Okay, the major accomplishment of his police career was to work five years in DEA smoking pot in the bathroom without getting caught, but still, seeing Norville succeed in a career was something impressive, especially after so many high school teachers emphasized that he would be a complete failure. I, particularly, never thought he is dumb. In fact, Norville is a typical example of that phrase "if you judge a fish by his ability to climb a tree, he will spend his whole life believing that he is stupid". He is a genius, in his own way. If you judge him by his ability to know what a mitochondrion is, you will think he is stupid; now, if you judge him by his ability to play video games and tinker with computers, you will think he is the new Steve Jobs.
Shaggy: Like, Daph, did I ever show you the app I made for Scoob?
Poor, sweet Daphne made a negative gesture with her head, her facial expression was divided between frustration at having Fred´s interview ruined and compassion for her friend who was begging for her attention. Finally, compassion won, and she ended the short video to hear Norville. As I said earlier, Norville is a genius in his own way. At the NYPD, he is the kennel guy in charge of the dozens of sniffer K9s who do a scientific job that is dirtier (yet very similar, including in labor benefits) than mine. Among so many dogs, his favorite is a brown flat-coated retriever that he named Scooby-Doo because of a stupid old song that keeps repeating "dooby dooby doo". To make his job easier, he has developed an application that translates barking into human language. Obviously, the translation has no scientific basis, but this fact didnt stop it from being an absolute hit with downloads worldwide.
Shaggy: Scooby-doo, give me a bark, dude!
The obedient K9 barked enough to ruin the interview (and to annoy the reporters and bosses of the NYPD) and to form words in the app that made Daphne and Norville laugh.
Fred: What's up, gang? Another case successfully solved!
Daphne welcomed Captain Jones with arms wide open and congratulated him with a generous kiss on his cheek. Shaggy, in his turn, greeted Fred with incomprehensible synchronized hand-shakes that the school boys did. I greeted him with my usual grumpy expression, because he took all the credit for the case again.
Fred: Oh, come on, Vel, I mentioned your seaweed!
Daphne: He did mention it, Vel, I filmed!
Neither Fred's argument nor Daphne's flattery convinced me otherwise, so I made no effort to change my facial expression. Like all egocentrics, Fred Jones couldn't tolerate girls who didn't smile at his charms, so my bad mood was a purposeful weapon to hurt him at his greatest weakness.
Velma: Next time, you will let me talk live about my own seaweed! Or you'll have to find your own seaweed! You're lucky I'm happy with my well-deserved vacation, otherwise I´d…I´d…
The tone of my voice, mixed with my forefinger pointing at his pointy nose every time I finished a sentence contributed to increase Fred Jones' narcissistic insecurity. Checkmate.
Fred: That's right, good point, Vel! We are on vacation now! You are amazing, you always think of everything!
He expected me to return the compliment, which obviously didn't happen and the atmosphere was tense. I learned that tecnique in the book "How to deal with narcissists, page 23".
Fred: Speaking of vacation, I have to go, guys. Nice vacation to you all!
And this is how a narcissist behaves when thwarted.
Daphne: Wait! Fred! We... we are... going to eat something somewhere, right gang? Don't you want to come with us?
My sullen expression made Fred hesitate to answer -probably because he was in doubt if he should extend his evening with one of the dozens journalists surrounding him or if he should accept the invitation and try to extend his evening with Daphne Blake. Instead of formulating a response, he simply looked at me and Shaggy, waiting for some confirmation. Obviously, there was no confirmation from my part, but Shaggy was not so firm:
Shaggy: Like, sure, Fredster, join us!
I sighed and rolled my eyes as Daphne celebrated yet another victory for her pet narcissist. So I decided to practice another precious lesson from "How to Deal with Narcissists": Chapter 1 - Walk away ASAP.
Velma: I can´t go, gang.. I need to go home, Marcie and I need to prepare our vacation stuff…
Daphne: Marcie could join us, Vel! Couldn't she?
The Blake family has the habit of using verbs in conditional mode as a subtle way of indicating imperative. "Jenkins, it's already four o'clock, could you bring me my tea?" means "Jenkins bring my tea immediately because my patience is running out." In other words, "Marcie could" means "Call ******* Marcie right now." Before answering, I consulted my cell phone and noticed 15 missing calls from my fiancée and "call me as soon as you can" messages. I smiled quietly at the possibility that Marcie would decline.
Velma: I need to call her, by the amount of calls, I think something happened.
Fred: And where are you guys going? There is a great sports bar on 35th St. ...
Before returning Fleachy's calls, I put all my energy into shooting Fred Jones one more time with my disapproving look. After all, he wasn't even invited initially, and now that he was included, he wants to determine the location of the dinner. Damn sense of leadership. Fortunately, he realized my intentions and shut up immediately. The phone didn't even call and Marcie answered.
Marcie: Hi honey, I need to talk to you urgently about our vacation...
Velma: What's up, Marce?
Marcie: Well... it's just... well, come home, will you?
Unlike the Blakes, Marcie Fleach uses the imperative mode to indicate the conditional mode. Inheritance from her days as the student council president, when she needed to be authoritative and nice at the same time. That is, "come home" means "could you kindly come home, please, so I can personally tell you something you won't like to hear?" By a lapse of stupidity, I left my cell phone on speaker mode while I asked Marcie about going to dinner with the gang, so I couldn't lie to Daph when she agreed.
Daphne: Great. I thought of a simpler, more informal place, how about Benihana?
Everyone agreed with some resentment. I love it when Daphne Blake tries to be affordable in her choices, she always fails miserably. Now, I was condemned not only to do something I didn't want to do with a person I didn't want around, I would also have to spend far more than I would like to spend on sushi. Finally, we agreed about a time and I left them at the moment the vain Captain Jones was beginning to explain for the thousandth time how "he" managed to solve the crime. In the middle of my five-block walk, a high-speed Scooby-Doo runned over me with Norville's car heys in his mouth. .
Shaggy: Like, I'm sorry, Vel! Scooby loves this stealing-my-stuff game!
Norville helped me up and continued walking silently beside me. It was his own way of talking about my disagreement with Fred without having to say anything, or having to choose one of us to defend.
Velma: Another case successfully stolen, uh?
Shaggy: Like, let it go, Vel.
Velma: Let it go? It's obvious that you're upset too! He stole the ******* case for himself, Norville! We worked how many months on it? 6? 8? I can´t count how many tests I did, how many botany books I had to read to find out about those damn algae, and now all the credit goes to him!
Shaggy: I don't care, really.
Velma: You don't care? Of course you do! If it weren't for Scooby and the other K9's, we'd never find the bandit's trail, and without the trail we'd never find the algae...
Shaggy: Like, forget about it, Vel. The bandit was arrested, that's what matters. The rest is a useless fight of egos and vanities...
As I said: Norville is a genius in his own way. He managed to silence my anger with a simple and cathartic sentence. I couldn't answer anything; after all, he was right. Putting my vanity in a ring with Fred Jones's vanity would be an endless duel of titans. Not having anything to say, I laughed to see the cheerful Scooby running from his guardian and stopping from time to time to look back and make sure he was being followed.
Velma: Are you also depressed to spend the amount of five meals on a single dinner? Or is it just me?
Despite being just the dog guy, Norville makes five hundred dollars a year more than me, the DNA-girl-with-post-doctorate. Great merit of sexism. Plus, he comes from a financially comfortable family, he is the son of a generous and understanding father who gives him money as often as my parents give me bad advices about how I should live my life. So, Norville's major problems with money are actually caused by an unexplained metabolism (which makes him hungry all the time) and the existence of first-person shooting games that require payment for the release of accessories. So the five hundred dollars that he earns more than me are always spent on piles of hamburgers and CS:Go guns.
Shaggy: It's okay, Vel, I'll take some of the money from the reserve I made for Valorant's battle pass...
When I was about to start talking about another random subject, Scooby-Doo got tired of running and laid down to chew the keys. Shaggy said a quick goodbye and runned to the dog, who happily started running away from his guardian again. I didn't have to walk far to get to my building, nor I didn´t have to get to my house to talk to my fiancée. As I passed through the gate, Marcie was waiting for me in the hall with the familiar "I did some kind of shit and I'm here to apologize" face.
Marcie: Honey, I'm so glad you're here! I so needed to talk to you.
Marcie hugged me superficially and quickly. I returned the gesture in the same way, waiting for her to explain what was going on. However, like all the times she wants to justify herself for doing something she knows I won't like, she was not objective. As we were walking up the stairs, she started a confuse conversation about magnetic cards, commented about her experience as a Marketing Designer, brought up the card subject again by revealing that she started a project to make ecologically harmless cards... but I only understood the meaning of the conversation when I opened the door of the apartment and found hundreds of magnetic cards (made of recycled paper) with the logo of the amusement park that the Fleach family maintains in Orlando, FL.
Velma: Marce, what the **** is that? Why you didn´t pack your bags yet? We leave tomorrow morning!
Marcie: Vel, I'm sorry, I've started a publicity project for my parents' park and we will have to cancel our vacation... Dad called for help and I couldn't refuse! They can bankrupt, Velma!
The Fleach family has been trying not bankrupt for years. Obviously, due to the fact that keeping a traveling amusement park (with dubiously operating toys from the 70's) in a city like Orlando, FL is not a very smart idea. And also due to the delusions of success of Mr. Fleach (motivated by bad financial coaches books), who spends twice as much as he raises believing that one day he will be the new Walt Disney. I swear I´ve searched for words to confront Marcie, but I couldn't find them. A few questions popped into my mind (will they pay for your work? Will your work be a success? Can your father afford hundreds of recyclable magnetic cards? Will colored cards convince customers to pay and risk their lives on toys that use pig grease as lubricant?), but I wasted no time in verbalizing them. After all, I know the answers to all of them.
Velma: Marcie Michelle Fleach, I can´t believe what you just told me...
Marcie: Velma... listen...
Velma: I refuse to listen, Marcie! Do you have any idea how selfish this decision is? And why I am the last one to know about it, at the last minute?
Marcie: You're not the last one to know!
Velma: Nevermind! You should have asked me first, don't you think? Did it even cross your mind that I should have been consulted about how I will spend my well-deserved vacation? I work like crazy, Marce, I don't even get some credit for my work, we hardly see each other daily, we're always working on our careers, and the only time we can be together you...you...arrange to spend the vacation in your parents' filthy trailer park? How do you expect me to react to all this?
Marcie: I expect the woman who loves me understands me! That's all! How selfish it is to demand that I have some fun while my parents are on the edge of bankruptcy, unable to afford their own medicine?
Velma: As selfish as using the love I feel for you as a way to manipulate me in favor of your decisions!
And we drag on this argument for hours. Between accusations and emotional exhaustion, the discussion lasted until twenty minutes before the time we set to meet the gang at the restaurant. I quickly got ready - far away from her, because I couldn't even look at her face – and I intended to go alone, but then I realized she was ready and waiting for me at the door.
I do not own the copyright on Scooby Doo and Squid Game.
This is a Scooby Doo story in the Squid Game universe, it's not exactly a crossover because the focus will be on the Scooby Doo characters, Squid Game characters will only have their names mentioned. Rated T.
It contains violence (just mention, nothing explicit), murder, swearing and mention of adult themes (just mention, nothing explicit).
The chapters are long and the events take a while to happen, I apologize for that.
English is not my first language, so I will certainly make mistakes while translating. I apologize for this and thank you for pointing out corrections.
I am not a professional writer and this is my first fanfic, so I will surely make mistakes that people with more experience don't make. Please bear with me.
I have read and read it a million times to avoid gaps in continuity and consistency, but if there are any, please let me know.
Chapter 1
There are lights everywhere, flashes from cameras and cell phones, lamps from the film crews of major networks, helicopters, headlights from NYPD vehicles, lasers from SWAT guns... As always, the end of a major case solved by Captain Frederick Jones is something cinematographic. However, for me, the only light that matters at this moment is the light of the digits on my watch, which shows that soon it will all be over and I will have my well-deserved vacation. I am so tired that I don't even care about Fred (again) hogging the microphones and taking all the credit for discovering that a former Marine was dressing up as a diver to steal yachts from the rich Upper East Side people. Months ago, I swear I would have cared. After all, I am the DNA-girl, the science behind every case Frederick Jones solves. I'm the Carbon-14-girl that analyzes any crap found at crime scenes, the girl who finds three phone digits in an old notepad and compares with a database of over 420 million phone numbers and still finds the son of a *****. I am all the dirty work of the NYPD, so I have every right to demand my slice of applause and my lines of praise in the New York Times. But today, I can only care about the comforting scene of arriving at my house, taking off my glasses and forgetting that crimes exist. Today, all the credit goes to Captain Jones.
Daphne: Hey Vel, good job! We wouldn't have made it if you hadn't found those microscopic algae!
The red-haired girl hugged me tightly before I could answer anything. I had no option but to hug her back, so that she could let me go faster. In fact, if it weren't for my algae, Fred and I wouldn't have made it. She, poor little one, had nothing to do with our case, since she doesn't even work for the NYPD. Daphne is always around following our work, offering legal help and meddling a lot. She does everything to get a few seconds of attention from Fred Jones, her teenage-crush since high school. Lately, she is doing even more things to get closer to him, as Fred has recently ended his second engagement and he is available again. I feel very sorry for Daphne because, mentally, Fred is still in high school and has never matured enough to develop any kind of involvement (except, obviously, sexual) with a woman. So, for Fred, the sweet and kind-hearted Daphne is just a pretty lawyer who can adorn his bed and make him earn manhood credits with his (equally immature) friends.
Daphne: Look, Dad even sent his congratulations to our team! He is very pleased to hear that the marina robberies have been solved.
Against my will, the screen of an iPhone 13 was placed in front of my face and Daphne was euphorically pointing to the "Congratulations!" that George Blake sent via Whatsapp, accompanied by an emoji of applause. I have received far more elaborate and emotional automatic emails from Amazon on my birthday, but for Daphne, receiving a simple "Congratulations!" (which probably was only written "Congr" and the rest was filled in by the auto-corrector) and an emoji from her own father was like a family Christmas Eve around the fireplace. Her mother, Nan Blake, is even less affectionate, and Daphne is satisfied when her mom views (without responding) any of her messages.
Daphne: Mommy saw the link I sent! Oh, she's online! Oh, she's typing something!
Between shrieks of joy, Daphne looked at the screen in a childish way, waiting for crumbs of a love she never received. I felt sorry, because I knew the answer would never come (Nan was probably without her reading glasses impatiently pressing the mobile screen to close the application, and Whatsapp understood this attitude as "typing a message"), so I quickly celebrated and changed the subject, so she wouldn't be disappointed by the lack of answer.
Daphne: Marcie also saw the link, look! I just sent it and she already replied, look! She even sent me some jokes about...
Marcie saw it in three seconds because you are incredibly beautiful, if it were any other woman in the universe - including her boss and her own mother - it would take her at least two weeks. And she would only answer if it was very urgent. This is my fiancée, Marcie Fleach. And this is Daphne Blake, my best friend, who is not only an emotionally dependent, but also extremely naive. Obviously, I couldn't verbalize the real answer, so instead I was direct:
Velma: Marcie Fleach is being Marcie Fleach. You know how she is.
My response caused a beautiful smile on her face. Yes, it seems that its not only my fiancée who is inexplicably kind to beautiful women. That must be why Marcie and I get along so well since high school. We have a lot in common.
Daphne: And do you have any plans for you vacation?
Velma: I thought about going to California for about ten days. Chomsky is giving a lecture at UCLA that I am dying to see. Then, we will go to Europe. Marcie said that a group of scientists is developing a study on Hawking radiation at the University of Berlin that will be...
Daphne: Shhhhhh!
Before I could finish the sentence, Daphne covered my mouth with one of her hands. She does it since five years of age, but this time I was offended.
Daphne: Shhh, he's going to talk! - she said, putting her cell phone camera to record and pointing it at Fred, who was starting his "big" interview – Later we talk about vacation, ok? I need to talk to you about something very important!
I didn't say any other word, I just answered by rolling my eyes and making a grimace, which she copied and in the end we both laughed at each other.
Velma: Come on, are you really going to film another stupid interview? How many useless gigabytes of Fred Jones do you have on your hard drive?
This time she responded with a gesture, a rude middle finger shown disguisedly while the other fingers hold up the cell phone.
Velma: You should stop making room for this idiot on your hard drive and make room for him in other of your things...
The emphasis I put on the expression " in other of your things " made Daphne's cheeks blush violently. Soon I felt the beak of the Louboutin scarpin hitting me angrily on the shin, and she - now angry - began the quick maneuver of deleting the video I had ruined and starting the camera to continue filming the rest of the interview. I laughed as I realized the disruption I had caused. Another video successfully ruined.
Shaggy: Like, hey girls! Let´s eat something later? I'm starving!
Daphne squirmed with anger and pointed to the camera on, indicating that she was recording and didn't want any sound to spoil the interview. She didn't ask for silence because I am the one in charge of telling Detective Rogers (whom we affectionately nicknamed Shaggy) to shut up since our high school days, so I played my role once again.
Shaggy: Like, sorry, Daph! Hey, where do you guys want to go? Like, how about that Mexican restaurant that's on youtube ads?
Daphne rolled her eyes and gave up asking for silence. Norville was not good with non-verbal language. And he wasn't good with verbal language either. But by some miracle, Shaggy graduated with honors at college and joined the police. Okay, the major accomplishment of his police career was to work five years in DEA smoking pot in the bathroom without getting caught, but still, seeing Norville succeed in a career was something impressive, especially after so many high school teachers emphasized that he would be a complete failure. I, particularly, never thought he is dumb. In fact, Norville is a typical example of that phrase "if you judge a fish by his ability to climb a tree, he will spend his whole life believing that he is stupid". He is a genius, in his own way. If you judge him by his ability to know what a mitochondrion is, you will think he is stupid; now, if you judge him by his ability to play video games and tinker with computers, you will think he is the new Steve Jobs.
Shaggy: Like, Daph, did I ever show you the app I made for Scoob?
Poor, sweet Daphne made a negative gesture with her head, her facial expression was divided between frustration at having Fred´s interview ruined and compassion for her friend who was begging for her attention. Finally, compassion won, and she ended the short video to hear Norville. As I said earlier, Norville is a genius in his own way. At the NYPD, he is the kennel guy in charge of the dozens of sniffer K9s who do a scientific job that is dirtier (yet very similar, including in labor benefits) than mine. Among so many dogs, his favorite is a brown flat-coated retriever that he named Scooby-Doo because of a stupid old song that keeps repeating "dooby dooby doo". To make his job easier, he has developed an application that translates barking into human language. Obviously, the translation has no scientific basis, but this fact didnt stop it from being an absolute hit with downloads worldwide.
Shaggy: Scooby-doo, give me a bark, dude!
The obedient K9 barked enough to ruin the interview (and to annoy the reporters and bosses of the NYPD) and to form words in the app that made Daphne and Norville laugh.
Fred: What's up, gang? Another case successfully solved!
Daphne welcomed Captain Jones with arms wide open and congratulated him with a generous kiss on his cheek. Shaggy, in his turn, greeted Fred with incomprehensible synchronized hand-shakes that the school boys did. I greeted him with my usual grumpy expression, because he took all the credit for the case again.
Fred: Oh, come on, Vel, I mentioned your seaweed!
Daphne: He did mention it, Vel, I filmed!
Neither Fred's argument nor Daphne's flattery convinced me otherwise, so I made no effort to change my facial expression. Like all egocentrics, Fred Jones couldn't tolerate girls who didn't smile at his charms, so my bad mood was a purposeful weapon to hurt him at his greatest weakness.
Velma: Next time, you will let me talk live about my own seaweed! Or you'll have to find your own seaweed! You're lucky I'm happy with my well-deserved vacation, otherwise I´d…I´d…
The tone of my voice, mixed with my forefinger pointing at his pointy nose every time I finished a sentence contributed to increase Fred Jones' narcissistic insecurity. Checkmate.
Fred: That's right, good point, Vel! We are on vacation now! You are amazing, you always think of everything!
He expected me to return the compliment, which obviously didn't happen and the atmosphere was tense. I learned that tecnique in the book "How to deal with narcissists, page 23".
Fred: Speaking of vacation, I have to go, guys. Nice vacation to you all!
And this is how a narcissist behaves when thwarted.
Daphne: Wait! Fred! We... we are... going to eat something somewhere, right gang? Don't you want to come with us?
My sullen expression made Fred hesitate to answer -probably because he was in doubt if he should extend his evening with one of the dozens journalists surrounding him or if he should accept the invitation and try to extend his evening with Daphne Blake. Instead of formulating a response, he simply looked at me and Shaggy, waiting for some confirmation. Obviously, there was no confirmation from my part, but Shaggy was not so firm:
Shaggy: Like, sure, Fredster, join us!
I sighed and rolled my eyes as Daphne celebrated yet another victory for her pet narcissist. So I decided to practice another precious lesson from "How to Deal with Narcissists": Chapter 1 - Walk away ASAP.
Velma: I can´t go, gang.. I need to go home, Marcie and I need to prepare our vacation stuff…
Daphne: Marcie could join us, Vel! Couldn't she?
The Blake family has the habit of using verbs in conditional mode as a subtle way of indicating imperative. "Jenkins, it's already four o'clock, could you bring me my tea?" means "Jenkins bring my tea immediately because my patience is running out." In other words, "Marcie could" means "Call ******* Marcie right now." Before answering, I consulted my cell phone and noticed 15 missing calls from my fiancée and "call me as soon as you can" messages. I smiled quietly at the possibility that Marcie would decline.
Velma: I need to call her, by the amount of calls, I think something happened.
Fred: And where are you guys going? There is a great sports bar on 35th St. ...
Before returning Fleachy's calls, I put all my energy into shooting Fred Jones one more time with my disapproving look. After all, he wasn't even invited initially, and now that he was included, he wants to determine the location of the dinner. Damn sense of leadership. Fortunately, he realized my intentions and shut up immediately. The phone didn't even call and Marcie answered.
Marcie: Hi honey, I need to talk to you urgently about our vacation...
Velma: What's up, Marce?
Marcie: Well... it's just... well, come home, will you?
Unlike the Blakes, Marcie Fleach uses the imperative mode to indicate the conditional mode. Inheritance from her days as the student council president, when she needed to be authoritative and nice at the same time. That is, "come home" means "could you kindly come home, please, so I can personally tell you something you won't like to hear?" By a lapse of stupidity, I left my cell phone on speaker mode while I asked Marcie about going to dinner with the gang, so I couldn't lie to Daph when she agreed.
Daphne: Great. I thought of a simpler, more informal place, how about Benihana?
Everyone agreed with some resentment. I love it when Daphne Blake tries to be affordable in her choices, she always fails miserably. Now, I was condemned not only to do something I didn't want to do with a person I didn't want around, I would also have to spend far more than I would like to spend on sushi. Finally, we agreed about a time and I left them at the moment the vain Captain Jones was beginning to explain for the thousandth time how "he" managed to solve the crime. In the middle of my five-block walk, a high-speed Scooby-Doo runned over me with Norville's car heys in his mouth. .
Shaggy: Like, I'm sorry, Vel! Scooby loves this stealing-my-stuff game!
Norville helped me up and continued walking silently beside me. It was his own way of talking about my disagreement with Fred without having to say anything, or having to choose one of us to defend.
Velma: Another case successfully stolen, uh?
Shaggy: Like, let it go, Vel.
Velma: Let it go? It's obvious that you're upset too! He stole the ******* case for himself, Norville! We worked how many months on it? 6? 8? I can´t count how many tests I did, how many botany books I had to read to find out about those damn algae, and now all the credit goes to him!
Shaggy: I don't care, really.
Velma: You don't care? Of course you do! If it weren't for Scooby and the other K9's, we'd never find the bandit's trail, and without the trail we'd never find the algae...
Shaggy: Like, forget about it, Vel. The bandit was arrested, that's what matters. The rest is a useless fight of egos and vanities...
As I said: Norville is a genius in his own way. He managed to silence my anger with a simple and cathartic sentence. I couldn't answer anything; after all, he was right. Putting my vanity in a ring with Fred Jones's vanity would be an endless duel of titans. Not having anything to say, I laughed to see the cheerful Scooby running from his guardian and stopping from time to time to look back and make sure he was being followed.
Velma: Are you also depressed to spend the amount of five meals on a single dinner? Or is it just me?
Despite being just the dog guy, Norville makes five hundred dollars a year more than me, the DNA-girl-with-post-doctorate. Great merit of sexism. Plus, he comes from a financially comfortable family, he is the son of a generous and understanding father who gives him money as often as my parents give me bad advices about how I should live my life. So, Norville's major problems with money are actually caused by an unexplained metabolism (which makes him hungry all the time) and the existence of first-person shooting games that require payment for the release of accessories. So the five hundred dollars that he earns more than me are always spent on piles of hamburgers and CS:Go guns.
Shaggy: It's okay, Vel, I'll take some of the money from the reserve I made for Valorant's battle pass...
When I was about to start talking about another random subject, Scooby-Doo got tired of running and laid down to chew the keys. Shaggy said a quick goodbye and runned to the dog, who happily started running away from his guardian again. I didn't have to walk far to get to my building, nor I didn´t have to get to my house to talk to my fiancée. As I passed through the gate, Marcie was waiting for me in the hall with the familiar "I did some kind of shit and I'm here to apologize" face.
Marcie: Honey, I'm so glad you're here! I so needed to talk to you.
Marcie hugged me superficially and quickly. I returned the gesture in the same way, waiting for her to explain what was going on. However, like all the times she wants to justify herself for doing something she knows I won't like, she was not objective. As we were walking up the stairs, she started a confuse conversation about magnetic cards, commented about her experience as a Marketing Designer, brought up the card subject again by revealing that she started a project to make ecologically harmless cards... but I only understood the meaning of the conversation when I opened the door of the apartment and found hundreds of magnetic cards (made of recycled paper) with the logo of the amusement park that the Fleach family maintains in Orlando, FL.
Velma: Marce, what the **** is that? Why you didn´t pack your bags yet? We leave tomorrow morning!
Marcie: Vel, I'm sorry, I've started a publicity project for my parents' park and we will have to cancel our vacation... Dad called for help and I couldn't refuse! They can bankrupt, Velma!
The Fleach family has been trying not bankrupt for years. Obviously, due to the fact that keeping a traveling amusement park (with dubiously operating toys from the 70's) in a city like Orlando, FL is not a very smart idea. And also due to the delusions of success of Mr. Fleach (motivated by bad financial coaches books), who spends twice as much as he raises believing that one day he will be the new Walt Disney. I swear I´ve searched for words to confront Marcie, but I couldn't find them. A few questions popped into my mind (will they pay for your work? Will your work be a success? Can your father afford hundreds of recyclable magnetic cards? Will colored cards convince customers to pay and risk their lives on toys that use pig grease as lubricant?), but I wasted no time in verbalizing them. After all, I know the answers to all of them.
Velma: Marcie Michelle Fleach, I can´t believe what you just told me...
Marcie: Velma... listen...
Velma: I refuse to listen, Marcie! Do you have any idea how selfish this decision is? And why I am the last one to know about it, at the last minute?
Marcie: You're not the last one to know!
Velma: Nevermind! You should have asked me first, don't you think? Did it even cross your mind that I should have been consulted about how I will spend my well-deserved vacation? I work like crazy, Marce, I don't even get some credit for my work, we hardly see each other daily, we're always working on our careers, and the only time we can be together you...you...arrange to spend the vacation in your parents' filthy trailer park? How do you expect me to react to all this?
Marcie: I expect the woman who loves me understands me! That's all! How selfish it is to demand that I have some fun while my parents are on the edge of bankruptcy, unable to afford their own medicine?
Velma: As selfish as using the love I feel for you as a way to manipulate me in favor of your decisions!
And we drag on this argument for hours. Between accusations and emotional exhaustion, the discussion lasted until twenty minutes before the time we set to meet the gang at the restaurant. I quickly got ready - far away from her, because I couldn't even look at her face – and I intended to go alone, but then I realized she was ready and waiting for me at the door.