Best unsung Family Guy jokes and bits.

[Fone Bone]

High School English:

The entire Great Gatsby segment is a thorough deconstruction over how badly the book is actually written and its myriads cliches, plotholes, and weird and unbelievable coincidences. I freaking love that.

Carter And Tricia:

The game show Gyllenhaal or Leto.

Stewie: "I'm changing the channel. I like the both of them."

Also Lois asks why the hell Carter would buy the brewery and Brian tells her to watch her language because there are children present.

I like the origin of the boy scouts seeming suspicious and the guy promising to take her son out into the woods and give him little patches for doing what he says.

Another funny bit is when Peter asks why the "tripling" medicine would even exist Carter simply says "Cosby".

 

[Classic Speedy]

The Blind Side:

The cutaway with the sloth.

Man: Hey, is sometimes taking things slower better?
(the sloth slowly looks at the camera)
Sloth: Yeah.

So simple but great timing/delivery on that "yeah".

 

[Fone Bone]

How The Griffin Stole Christmas

How David Lynch Stole Christmas:

Lynch (voicing himself) gives a kid a thumb and demands he looks at it and let the fear wash over him. The kid says he doesn't understand and Lynch says that's the point. Lynch asks if the kid has left a whole plate of black coffee for him, the kids says no, and Lynch says that in the future the kid needs to remember to leave a whole plate of black coffee.

Passenger Fatty-Seven

Peter on Stephen Curry's lap.

Peter: "Fat lady!"

Curry: "I see her, Peter."

Peter: "Make her go!"

Curry: "That's not how we talk, Peter."

Peter: "Make her go!"

Woman: "I'll leave."

Peter: "Yay! I'm learning bad lessons!"

Also the Golden Girls parody The Quahog Girls.

Stewie: "Oh, no! Now I WANT Dad to die!"

Gronkowsbees

The Bone Zone is funny for correctly pointing out that Girls has the worst nudity on television. It's so gross the show itself is unwatchable.

I love when Gronk burps in Peter's face he says "How rude!" with the exact same inflection as Jodie Sweeten on Full House.

The Marley And Me parody is funny for pointing out the sad ending is out of place. "Aw, my nightmare dog is dead." Um, boo hoo?

I also love Joe making fun of the Italian restaurant because he's been to Italy and knows authenticity. Peter goes to order and Joe smugly tells him to let him handle it. "We'll have two spaghettis and a chicken fingers."

 

[Dantheman]

The Bone Zone is funny for correctly pointing out that Girls has the worst nudity on television. It's so gross the show itself is unwatchable.

I think this is where I first heard the phrase "Donald Duck-ing", i.e wearing just a shirt and nothing, and I mean, NOTHING, else. I remember an SNL sketch called this sort of thing "Porky Pigging", but I guess both are apt.

 

[Classic Speedy]

The Cleveland Loretta Quagmire:

This bit at the wrestling ring:
Randy Savage: I must be in Quahog, 'cause all I see is a bunch of hicks!
Peter: You take that back, Macho Man Randy Savage! Doesn't he make you so mad you just want to go down there and hit him?
Cleveland: No.
Peter: Well, maybe not him, 'cause he's kind of big. But don't you want to hit the guy sitting next to you? Not him, 'cause he's kind of big, too. But don't you want to hit his kid? (punches his kid) Take that, Macho Man Randy Savage, you jerk!

Then right after:

Peter: (wearing a Quagmire mask) I had sex with your wife! Giggity giggity giggity giggity!
Cleveland: (chuckles) Those are SO his mannerisms.

I love how Peter screws up Quagmire's catchphrase by adding one too many "giggity"s.

 

[Fone Bone]

Peter's Def Jam

Lois' allergy voice is a scream. She says she is going to take a shower so she can blow her nose in her hands. As she exits she bumps the door jam and curses. Peter enters saying "Morning, honey!" and she says "Go to hell!" Great delivery from Alex Borstein.

An Italian guy describing someone's sexuality.

Italian Guy: "Peter! Mama, Louie's not gay! He's creative!"

Tom Sizemore's Game Of Life.

Stewie: "It seems like we should be moving these pieces backwards."

Peter's "WHAT?!" runner is hilarious but the best part is Dr. Hartman chuckling and saying, "Have a good life."

The Chelsea Handler audiobook sums up how I feel about that comedienne.

The Finer Strings

I like when Patty gets on-stage at the school production at the beginning Peter yells "Hi Patty! I like Patty." Because I like Patty too.

Carrot Top's cameo was hilarious.

The Wizard of Id being on the balcony means it's a good one.

Carter didn't wash his ass before getting into the hot tub: "Bleep that sign."

Brian using cartoon profanity.

The Dating Game

Dr. Hartman: "Oh, the pie has a wedge removed. Yes... Yes..." Great line delivery there.

The Woman in the Porsche Cayenne trying to smell her own fart.

The Queen Of England's hair looks like anyone in a nursing home. Great joke.

Quagmire: "I buried my twin brother. We used to finish each other's..."

Woman: "Sentences?"

Quagmire; "Oh, oh, I got chills!"

Cop And A Half-Wit

Stewie's Tootsie Roll dream.

 

[Classic Speedy]

Peter's Two Dads:

Peter: I'm tough. I made it halfway through Failure to Launch.
(cut to Peter watching in the theater)
Tripp: I just never managed to get my life together. Idn't that hilarious?
Paula: You're cute.
Peter: DONE. (walks out)

EDIT: And now that the search function is working again, I noticed I already posted this in the old thread.

 

[Fone Bone]

The Boys In The Band

The Muppet Show bit where Scooter asks Miss Piggy why she's been out sick.

Miss Piggy: "I had a frog in my throat. Right, Kermie? Right?"

Kermit (annoyed): "Please stop drinking."

Chris Has Got A Date, Date, Date, Date Date:

Missed one.

Stewie and Brian Tweet "Broad City is just okay" and are put in internet prison. Stewie asks the guy next to them what he's in for and he says he posted that he didn't think Caitlin Jenner is brave and beautiful.

Stewie (scared): "Brian, there's some bad people in here."

Saturated Fat Guy:

Peter asks Bruce (who is drinking a milkshake with a hotdog straw) to leave.

Peter: "I'm happy for the business, but when you're drinking it on your knees, it's kind of putting a hat on a hat."

Also Peter's What Generator.

Lois: "This isn't over!"

Peter: "WHAT?"

I also laugh when Joe tells Peter his elbows are beginning to pucker.

 

[Classic Speedy]

Cool Hand Peter:

Would You Rather: Hitler or Hobo:


"This one isn't very fun."

 

[Fone Bone]

"Am I a blue state hobo or a red state hobo?"

"Blue, but Midwestern blue."

"Ooooh."

Also love Joe's "Dude, quit trying to make Hitler work."

The "Would you rather" bits are my favorite recurring part of the show. Easily.

Some I missed:

Passenger Fatty Seven

Joe says he's lost a ton in Vegas but he never thought he'd lose his life. Peter asks him if he just thought of that and Joe says he did just then. And Peter says that he knows he craps on him a lot but he thinks he's seriously funny and says sometimes when he's driving he thinks of something Joe said and it makes him smile. Joe thanks him. I love the scene for two reasons. First, Joe's Vegas joke isn't actually funny, so it' great he's getting praise for it. Secondly, it's a rare scene that strikes me as sweet. And I like that.

Peter's Def Jam

Stewie's "Flea" problem:

Stewie: "Get out of here, Flea! And put on a shirt! You're 50!"

Flea: "54, actually."

 

[Classic Speedy]

Stew-Roids:


Jeff Bergman may not be able to voice Bugs and Daffy very well anymore, but his Fred Flintstone is still fantastic.

 

[Fone Bone]

Peter's Lost Youth:

Peter on the luggage carousel. My favorite part is when he sees the bow on the other Peter and says "Oh, that's a good idea." MacFarlane's line reading there is great.

Baby Boggs. Only way that would have been funnier is if Peter actually said "Baby Boggs bit me!"

The Peter Principle:

Principle Shepard talking about his divorce during the morning announcements.

Shepard: "Today's trivia question. Does this sound like yelling? Because apparently to some people this sounds like yelling."

Brian listening to Joe and Bonnie argue about the Phil Collin urban legend.

Joe: "Hold on. Let me check Snopes... Yeah, none of that happened."

Also I love Stewie's wide-eyed expression while mockingly doing his impression of Ernest Hemingway complaining that this Spanish Civil War is too loud and he can't get any work done.

Have you ever said something totally uncool, maybe even when trying to be sympathetic to someone else? Instead of thanking you, the person calls you on what a loser you are? Remember the rage and embarrassment you felt at that? This Lois and Meg exchange demonstrates that idea perfectly.

Lois: "I feel you, Meg."

Meg (disgusted): "Shut up."

Lois (angry): "YOU shut up!"

The bit where Peter hands Lois his gum because he's done with it. Lois says she doesn't want it and another guy says he'll take it. Later the guy tries to hand it to Lois again and she says she doesn't want it and he says "But I'm done with it!"

Peter's excitement over fist-bumping with black football players.

Peter: "Hey, are we going to the club tonight?"

Football Player: "Not you!"

Peter: "Yeah!"

I also love at the end assembly when a voice calls out "Hi, Mrs. Griffin!" Lois unenthusiastically says ,"Hi-Hi, Patty." I like Patty.

A House Full Of Peters:

The Fruit Bouquet ad. Finally somebody pointed out what a lousy gift that is. Even naming a star after someone or giving them lottery tickets is less likely to make a person say "Just give me the cash." The Fruit Bouquets are so awful because they're large, and also expensive, so there IS guilt attached to immediately throwing them in the garbage where they belong. They are the perfect gift to send to somebody you hate. I love that Stewie gives one to Brian later in the episode.

Stewie: "Happy Birthday, buddy!"

I also love that when Bonnie prank-calls Joe, Lois is amazed she can speak in a regular voice (done by Portia De Rossi). The only thing that would have been funnier is if they somehow could have gotten Jennifer Tilly to do it. But De Rossi does a passable imitation of what Tilly's boo-boo baby voice could sound like with a tiny bit of inflection and less like an effing power sander.

 

[Classic Speedy]

Patriot Games:

Peter: You know, Mike Tyson once beat up his wife. But there's nothing funny about that.
(pause)
Hehehehehe....

Perfect timing.

 

[Dantheman]

This bit where a series of miscommunications ends with Meg plugging the Bad Moms films, and Peter pops up to tell her, "No Mila, not on this show."

 

[Fone Bone]

Emmy Winning Episode

The observation that the ethnic characters in these Emmy-winning comedies are not rocket scientists. It's kind of embarrassing when you think about it.

The revelation that Family Guy can't win an Emmy because it sucks. Julie Bowen's rant about the pointlessness of how it ends every week felt especially satisfying.

For the record, I had to look up who Asa Aikra was after seeing the episode for the first time. I like that the show assumes I'm an outlier there. They are probably right.

Ty Burrell's live-action chicken fight. That bit actually deserved an Emmy, but he has no place to put it.

Foxx In The Hen House

At the Chinese restaurant Stewie does the typical level of grousing he always does with Brian, but makes the mistake of doing it in front of Chris. Chris is all, "Why are you see bleeping negative ALL THE TIME?" Whenever Stewie tries to do a Brian style-bit with Chris, Chris invariably refuses to play along and calls him on it instead.

The Kathleen Turner Stromboli bit amuses me because I think it came about because Turner is a fan of the show. She IS pretty much retired, and made a brief comeback for that cameo. What I especially like is that previously the show had done some incredibly mean and vile jokes about Turner's current appearance. I like that unlike Adrien Brody, she's not offended, she's amused enough to voice herself. That's how they got Marlee Matlin too.

Nanny Goats

Peter and Lois' runner at the end in the terrible B&B amazes me in its horrifying cruelty and unending bluntness. Lois saying she'd rather do Mr. Hooper from Sesame Street because he was a successful businessman isn't even the meanest thing said. The ending devolving into their laughing over how bad the trip was after they got back was nice, because by all rights, people who have said those specific things to each other, probably need to get a divorce. Like now.

Follow The Money

That is without a doubt the best Screaming Black Dolphins segment of all time. I cannot say enough great things about it. It might not be in my top ten favorite Family Guy moments of all time. But it's probably top fifteen. The whole bit about white dolphins calling a bay a cove is hilarious enough, but one one of them starting singing "Sitting In The Dock Of The Bay" the guy harmonizing to that in dolphin squeaks is like the greatest joke ever. It's not simply that it's funny. It's that the Screaming Black Dolphins are the rare characters on the show that are nice and like each other, and it SO much fun to watch and listen to these good friends enjoy each other. It cracks me up and I feel good when I laugh too.

I also like that before her fight with Lois, the female Giant Chicken sets aside her giants eggs one by one as if they were jewelry or Lee Press-On Nails. The epilogue of Lois in bed texting the giant chicken is great simply because the only line of dialogue is Peter saying sadly, "I don't want you talking to him anymore." He actually sounds hurt, which is great.

 

[Classic Speedy]

Lethal Weapons:

Stewie's Ed Sullivan impression and Operation ad:

 

[Fone Bone]

Lethal Weapons:

Stewie's Ed Sullivan impression and Operation ad:

That bit right there might have been the first time Family Guy genuinely made me laugh. It's both hilarious and embarrassing at the same time as the best of its humor wound up becoming.

The D In Apartment 23:

Lois' agony over being shut-out at the supermarket. She wails that she knows everybody's name and the guy disgustedly tells her they're on their nametags.

Lois: "But I don't even have to look! I. Don't. Even. Have to. Looook!!!"

Genuine pathos from Alex Borstein there.

Petey IV

I might have brought up the Polaner All-Fruit joke elsewhere, brilliantly brought back at the end with Peter asking the audience if we weren't glad for all the work we put in before. But I've seen that skit a few times (and it's hilarious) but I don't think anyone who didn't see that lame commercial over the air could possibly understand it even having Peter go through it the way he did.

What Peter neglected to mention, which is probably the biggest oversight of the gag, is how that commercial was received by the public at the time. For Family Guy, it's a dig at how bad commercials used to be. If I had been the show I would have added the context that that mildly stupid and offensive commercial was considered by most people to be one of the funniest commercials they'd ever seen. Before Superbowl Ads were a REAL thing, that actual dumb joke passed for a gut-buster back then. It's no surprise that in the decade where The Naked Gun is considered the cream of the comedy crop that literally almost nothing was funny. Family Guy cannot properly give that context just by going through that dumb commercial. Remember the other big "funny" commercial of the decade was Joe Isuzu. Which proves commercials back then weren't actually funny.

I also like the bit where Ringo reveals he's from the future and outlived two of the other Beatles. But before he tells them who George is going smoke a thousand cigarettes and John is going to move to New York and walk in and out of his building.

I also love the bit where Putin says Russia has things that are slightly worse.

Peter: "You have Simpsons?"

Putin: "We have Family Guy."

Peter: "Ah, I did it to myself."

Crimes And Meg's Demeanor:

The truly mean thing about the Chris O'Donnell slam is that not a SINGLE observation Peter and Meg make about him is untrue. For most mean celebrity slams, Family Guy takes a LOT of license with their low blows. But saying O'Donnell is neither ugly nor handsome is so cruel because it's true.

I love after Brian asks Stewie is he can snag a couple of rolls of toilet paper Stewie is silent just so Brian will have to sit with those words for a moment.

I am always alarmed and impressed at how true to life Family Guy seems when showing perversions. I do not own a collection of dolls (although I do own a lot of stuffed animals). And while I do not envision most doll collectors kissing the dolls, what DOES feel very true-to-life is the fact that Shepard lifts the dress to look at the butt. It's feels like something that is totally real. But how the hell do the writers know something like that? It's not the first time Family Guy has disturbed me in the believability of its horrible characters, and it won't be the last. It's like Family Guy knows something about human nature I don't and I don't want to know how they know it.

 

[Classic Speedy]

It Takes a Village Idiot, And I Married One:

Question from audience: Mrs. Griffin, what are your plans for cleaning up our environment?
Lois: ...9/11! (crowd cheers)
Question from audience: Mrs. Griffin, what about our traffic problem?
Lois: 9...(crowd leans forward in anticipation) ...11! (crowd cheers)

 

[Fone Bone]

It Takes a Village Idiot, And I Married One:

Question from audience: Mrs. Griffin, what are your plans for cleaning up our environment?
Lois: ...9/11! (crowd cheers)
Question from audience: Mrs. Griffin, what about our traffic problem?
Lois: 9...(crowd leans forward in anticipation) ...11! (crowd cheers)

You sure that one's unsung? That gets a LOT of YouTube play in various comments I've seen. It's even more popular than the Sean Hannity bit.

 

[Classic Speedy]

Ah. Wasn't aware it was one of the more popular bits.

Here's another then, from Something Something Something Dark Side, when Chris gets a new robotic arm, he's given some advice: "Practice on a hot dog first. Otherwise you might rip your dick off."